Staying the victim keeps me in the past.
I've noticed that most of my circular thoughts about her affair is centered around other people and her acknowledging that I was the one who was wronged.
I want her to come clean and stop coming up with the absolute worst lies to cover up her affair.
I want others to know what she put me through.
Lately I keep asking myself why do I need the above? Why do I need people to know what I've been through? What she did? And why do I need her to admit to it even when it's obvious.
Certainly there's a rug pull effect. I'm still surprised she was capable of the gaslighting, deceit and cruelty.
All these thoughts do is keep me in the past though.
I'm not a victim of my ex wife. I had my part to play in why our marriage ended so badly. I don't take ownership of her poor decisions though.
And when I feel that deeply I feel so empowered. Like I have agency again instead of being stuck in a circle with my ex wife and the nasty stuff she continues to put me through.
I wish I knew how to stay in this place though because I know tomorrow I'll be back to square one maybe. Maybe the progress is that I don't stay stuck in step one as long as I used to...