u/Necessary_Medium3063

I just wish that i was honest from the beginning,
For the things that i was and did not want you to uncover
Your eyes crafted of the purest jade
Pure as the virtue within your eyes
I wonder if i am good enough for you baby
Because all I think about is the times of self doubt about my love
Of how undeserving I have been of your love
Love as beautiful as origami
But as strong as titanium
I yearn for you as the stars above the night sky
Explored by no living person
Thinking about what lies within them
And I hope you feel the same…

I just wish that i was honest from the beginning,
For the things that i was and did not want you to uncover
Your eyes crafted of the purest jade
Pure as the virtue within your eyes
I wonder if i am good enough for you baby
Because all I think about is the times of self doubt about my love
Of how undeserving I have been of your love
Love as beautiful as origami
But as strong as titanium
I yearn for you as the stars above our night sky
Explored by no living person
Thinking about what lies within them
And I hope you feel the same…

Rest in peace to the people that suffered at the hands of man at war with themselves
At the hands of man that accepted the war and decided to rain it on them
Light their way Lord
As the shine of the knife that stabbed them
As the light of the bullet that pierced them
Or the crimson red of the blood that they shed during their final moments
Give their souls rest Lord
Let the rage of injustice of their murder guide their way to eternal peace
Give them peace Lord
For all they knew in the end was pain at the hands of them who took pleasure in it

D.R.I

Take me to The garden
Where the sun is the moon and the moon is bright
That there is no weed that hurts me where i step by
A place of no war of any kind
Where there is no fruit that poses as sweet and kind
That poisons me when i take a bite
Oh take me to the garden
Where there is no soul nearby
Only me and that s fine, more then fine
It s perfect, and to live it s mine

I m coming from a sza, frank ocean, partynextdoor, avenoir, and many more rnb artist listener and what do you think would be the best song for me that s not popular and underrated

Take me to The garden
Where the sun is the moon and the moon stays bright
That there is no weed that hurts me when I don’t look where i step by
Where there is no fruit that poses as sweet and kind
That poisons me when i take a bite
Oh take me to the garden
Where there is no soul nearby
Only me and that s fine, more then fine
It s perfect, and to live it s mine

Take me to The garden
Where the sun is the moon and the moon stays bright
That there is no weed that hurts me when I don’t look where i step by
Where there is no fruit that poses as sweet and kind
That poisons me when i take a bite
Oh take me to the garden
Where there is no soul nearby
Only me and that s fine, more then fine
It s perfect, and to live it s mine

So for context I had to move from my old class into the class next door because my mom pressured me and there is this boy let s call him crow and this other person let s also call them judas. Now with crow i dont know why but he always seems to have a problem with me. Since i moved into the next class he always gave me annoyed looks and tbh back then i would have high social anxiety and would ask stupid questions. Ok understandable but since i started this new school year at first he would call me autistic and always told me to shut up when i walked past him. I confronted him about it asked him if he had any problems to share with me and he told me that he thought that i was annoying and ask stupid questions and i told him I had social anxiety and that i would try to not be annoying in class and i did just that. Now ever since april he has started acting treating me like shit again. I guess it started when i asked him “Are you ok bro?” And he answered “U call your brother bro” and I guess he was upset then because a bird pooped on his shirt so understandable and then i tried helping him by giving him my hoodie but he refuses. Then this happened today so my friend, Judas and crow were at an activity and there was one question that was like “Do you think school is a safe environment?” And when it was time for them to present they started to complain about me to the teacher and the other ppl there saying that, when i wipe my nose, it makes them want to puke( i blew my nose off one time in class since my nose was blocked and just needed a bit of mucus to get out and I have always blew my nose outside my class) and then they also started to use my real name in front of the other ppl which is kinda f ed up. Then they started to overexagerate that i was chewing gum too loud that when the class is quiet they hear my chewing even through their headphones even tho i chew normally and dont make much noise.
Now Judas used to be a friend that i hung around since my friend that also got betrayed by Judas and we were getting along just fine and idk what i did wrong so tell me am I the problem?

So I came to the conclusion that I dont love my father because of many reasons actually.
I always thought my father wanted to have the “perfect” family and he would go to the extreme. My father has done many things thru the years that still affect me until this day like i remember when i was in 7th grade or summer of 7th grade, my phone was taken because I stayed past 9pm just because i decided that i didnt want to be friends with someone and decided to write them a message that i feel like we shouldn’t be friends and my parents took away my phone because in their words i had “a violent outbreak”(i just hate when someone takes my stuff away). Ok so after 3 days I dont know why my father is aggressively forcing me to go outside and when i get bored after 15 minutes i go inside to wait for my mother to call my best friend from back then from her phone, no big deal, and my mother was in another room talking to a client but then my father comes out of his room enraged and basically kicks me out of the house to go outside i explain to him over and over that i want to wait for my mother but he doesn’t listen. Now atp I start to become angry and say under my breath shut your mouth ,now I didn’t even say it out loud it was from 3 meters away but my father can tell what i said and he wants to drag me inside to beat my but luckily he lets me go and i stay for another hour or 2 and come back inside. Then my father informs me that i will no longer call him my father and that i am no son to him.
Ok now another memory of him was when I was in 8th grade. It was a really hard year for me both mentally because of my parents and what happened at school and because I had to keep up with learning because in my country to get assigned to a high-school you need an exact grade and i was striking to have a good grade. Ok and around that time my father was really strict about me and my brother fighting to the point where we weren’t even allowed to say one mean word to another which ended up for the both of us holding resentment and one night we got into a fight. Now i dont know what my father thought when he came up with the idea to kick us both out for arguing because in his opinion he was tiered of us fighting and in general fights happening around the house . Now luckily he didn’t kick me and my brother out of the house
Another time I remember it was Christmas of 2025-2026 so it s kinda recent. Now i dont know why my father decided to take my phone and put it in his night stand but I decided that I wanted to get my phone and charge it since i wanted to go to get presents for my brother and parents that day tomorrow and then my dad wakes up since even the slightest movement wakes him up since he was in the military and then he starts beating me at 2 am for taking my phone btw. Around that time my mother decided that, for Christmas, I get to have my own room for 3 days and when those 3 days were over my father said that i dont deserve privacy and that i m a dangerous kid that i will mstrbt it i have privacy like whatever man
Also i should specify that i dont gave privacy whatsoever and sleep on the couch that is in front of my parents bedroom
And I should also specify that my father, when i come back to school doesnt let me rest and always tells me to close my phone and talk to him and my mom which always turn into a lecture. Honestly I realized i dont love my father when he left bcs of work and it felt less suffocating so yea am i the a-hole for not loving my father?(sorry for bad english btw)

So I came to the conclusion that I dont love my father because of many reasons actually.
I always thought my father wanted to have the “perfect” family and he would go to the extreme. My father has done many things thru the years that still affect me until this day like i remember when i was in 7th grade or summer of 7th grade, my phone was taken because I stayed past 9pm just because i decided that i didnt want to be friends with someone and decided to write them a message that i feel like we shouldn’t be friends and my parents took away my phone because in their words i had “a violent outbreak”(i just hate when someone takes my stuff away). Ok so after 3 days I dont know why my father is aggressively forcing me to go outside and when i get bored after 15 minutes i go inside to wait for my mother to call my best friend from back then from her phone, no big deal, and my mother was in another room talking to a client but then my father comes out of his room enraged and basically kicks me out of the house to go outside i explain to him over and over that i want to wait for my mother but he doesn’t listen. Now atp I start to become angry and say under my breath shut your mouth ,now I didn’t even say it out loud it was from 3 meters away but my father can tell what i said and he wants to drag me inside to beat my but luckily he lets me go and i stay for another hour or 2 and come back inside. Then my father informs me that i will no longer call him my father and that i am no son to him.
Ok now another memory of him was when I was in 8th grade. It was a really hard year for me both mentally because of my parents and what happened at school and because I had to keep up with learning because in my country to get assigned to a high-school you need an exact grade and i was striking to have a good grade. Ok and around that time my father was really strict about me and my brother fighting to the point where we weren’t even allowed to say one mean word to another which ended up for the both of us holding resentment and one night we got into a fight. Now i dont know what my father thought when he came up with the idea to kick us both out for arguing because in his opinion he was tiered of us fighting and in general fights happening around the house . Now luckily he didn’t kick me and my brother out of the house
Another time I remember it was Christmas of 2025-2026 so it s kinda recent. Now i dont know why my father decided to take my phone and put it in his night stand but I decided that I wanted to get my phone and charge it since i wanted to go to get presents for my brother and parents that day tomorrow and then my dad wakes up since even the slightest movement wakes him up since he was in the military and then he starts beating me at 2 am for taking my phone btw. Around that time my mother decided that, for Christmas, I get to have my own room for 3 days and when those 3 days were over my father said that i dont deserve privacy and that i m a dangerous kid that i will mstrbt it i have privacy like whatever man
Also i should specify that i dont gave privacy whatsoever and sleep on the couch that is in front of my parents bedroom
And I should also specify that my father, when i come back to school doesnt let me rest and always tells me to close my phone and talk to him and my mom which always turn into a lecture. Honestly I realized i dont love my father when he left bcs of work and it felt less suffocating so yea am i the a-hole for not loving my father?(sorry for bad english btw)

So I came to the conclusion that I dont love my father because of many reasons actually.
I always thought my father wanted to have the “perfect” family and he would go to the extreme. My father has done many things thru the years that still affect me until this day like i remember when i was in 7th grade or summer of 7th grade, my phone was taken because I stayed past 9pm just because i decided that i didnt want to be friends with someone and decided to write them a message that i feel like we shouldn’t be friends and my parents took away my phone because in their words i had “a violent outbreak”(i just hate when someone takes my stuff away). Ok so after 3 days I dont know why my father is aggressively forcing me to go outside and when i get bored after 15 minutes i go inside to wait for my mother to call my best friend from back then from her phone, no big deal, and my mother was in another room talking to a client but then my father comes out of his room enraged and basically kicks me out of the house to go outside i explain to him over and over that i want to wait for my mother but he doesn’t listen. Now atp I start to become angry and say under my breath shut your mouth ,now I didn’t even say it out loud it was from 3 meters away but my father can tell what i said and he wants to drag me inside to beat my but luckily he lets me go and i stay for another hour or 2 and come back inside. Then my father informs me that i will no longer call him my father and that i am no son to him.
Ok now another memory of him was when I was in 8th grade. It was a really hard year for me both mentally because of my parents and what happened at school and because I had to keep up with learning because in my country to get assigned to a high-school you need an exact grade and i was striking to have a good grade. Ok and around that time my father was really strict about me and my brother fighting to the point where we weren’t even allowed to say one mean word to another which ended up for the both of us holding resentment and one night we got into a fight. Now i dont know what my father thought when he came up with the idea to kick us both out for arguing because in his opinion he was tiered of us fighting and in general fights happening around the house . Now luckily he didn’t kick me and my brother out of the house
Another time I remember it was Christmas of 2025-2026 so it s kinda recent. Now i dont know why my father decided to take my phone and put it in his night stand but I decided that I wanted to get my phone and charge it since i wanted to go to get presents for my brother and parents that day tomorrow and then my dad wakes up since even the slightest movement wakes him up since he was in the military and then he starts beating me at 2 am for taking my phone btw. Around that time my mother decided that, for Christmas, I get to have my own room for 3 days and when those 3 days were over my father said that i dont deserve privacy and that i m a dangerous kid that i will mstrbt it i have privacy like whatever man
Also i should specify that i dont gave privacy whatsoever and sleep on the couch that is in front of my parents bedroom
And I should also specify that my father, when i come back to school doesnt let me rest and always tells me to close my phone and talk to him and my mom which always turn into a lecture. Honestly I realized i dont love my father when he left bcs of work and it felt less suffocating so yea am i the a-hole for not loving my father?(sorry for bad english btw)