u/Murky-Willingness991

Hi there! I’m a 19yo daughter trying to help my mother battle cancer.

My mother was just diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer yesterday. She obviously still has some tests to do before actually treating for the cancer.

However, 3 months ago my family and I decided to move away from a country we have citizenship in. The health care there is free. Free chemo. Free consultation. Mostly free.

But the country we’re in right now (we have citizenship here too) is not free. Like at all.

Based on survivors advice do you think it’s too late to head back home?. (Travel time takes around 2 days max)

Or should we stay here for treatment asap?

I'm the eldest in my family 19yo and my mother was just diagnosed with cancer. This means it's most likely my sisters and I have the gene. However, this isn't about me at the moment.

I'm so scared for my mother. I cannot imagine life without her. And she's the only person I know personally who has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Since I don't have anyone to talk to about this I figured it'll be a great idea to hop onto this subreddit.

I'm wishing her and all the strong ladies with cancer a speedy recovery.❤️‍🩹

I (19F) am the eldest daughter in a very traditional, conservative family, (living in an ethnic country) and most of my frustration lately has been directed at my mom. Which makes me feel incredibly guilty.

Growing up, my mom has always been the one enforcing the rules in the house. My dad and brothers don’t really do much when it comes to chores or responsibility, but instead of pushing them to help, my mom has always expected me and my sisters to pick up everything. I understand she was raised this way too, but it feels like she’s continuing something that’s clearly unfair.

For example, there have been so many times where my dad would wake me up at 5 a.m. just to make him breakfast if my mom wasn’t feeling well. And instead of questioning why he couldn’t just do it himself, my mom would support it or act like it was normal. I remember lying there, half-asleep, thinking how it made no sense. It would’ve been faster and easier for him to just do it himself. But to him, it wasn’t even a question. It was my role

The same thing happens with everything else. If my brothers or dad are asked to do something, they’ll either do it badly or not at all, and my mom will just step in, or expect me to. It’s like she’s accepted that the men shouldn’t help, so the responsibility automatically falls on us.

What hurts more is how she talks about my future. Anytime I complain or ask for help, she tells me I need to learn because “how else will you live with your husband?” Marriage has always been the biggest focus for me growing up. I’ve been told since I was young that a woman’s life ONLY?! begins after marriage, and everything I do now is just preparation for that.

Meanwhile, I’m not given the same independence as my brothers. I can’t leave the house without a male, can’t travel abroad alone, and even getting a job or my driver’s license isn’t seen as a priority for me. Education doesn’t feel like it matters as much for us girls, even though I’m already handling responsibilities that most adults struggle with. When my mom isn’t around, I basically run the household, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of a family of eight.

The thing is, I don’t hate helping. I actually care a lot about my family, especially my mom. I’ve seen how much she’s sacrificed, and I know she carries a lot on her shoulders. But at the same time, I can’t ignore how trapped I feel.

Whenever I try to bring up wanting independence or even hint at leaving one day (before marriage), my mom is the one who shuts it down the hardest. She tells me I’d be disowned. Not just by my family, but by God too. Hearing that from her hurts more than anything, because she’s the one person I wish would understand me.

Now I feel stuck between loving her and resenting her. I don’t know if it’s fair to blame her when this is all she’s ever known, but at the same time, she’s the one enforcing it and expecting me to accept it too.

I hate that I’m starting to feel this way about my own mother.

I (15 at the time) went to a really small school where classes only run if there are enough students enrolled. I was in an excellence art class that had just enough people to stay open.

My teacher had plans for all of us to stay in that class for the remaining three years of high school. It was kind of a big deal program, especially for a small school like ours.

I’ve always been a self-taught artist. I entered competitions here and there, not really expecting much. But one year, both me and another student in my class (I’ll call him Sam) were selected for an exhibition at a small non-profit museum. It was a huge deal for me.

At the end of the year, our school held an awards ceremony. Sam and I were both nominated for an art prize that included a trophy and $500. I was honestly just excited to be there. I had never been recognized like that before. In my mind, Sam was definitely going to win. He took professional classes outside of school and was way more technically skilled than me.

But somehow… I won.

I was shocked. I went up, accepted it, sat back down, and that’s when things went downhill.

A group of about six boys, all friends with Sam, started saying I didn’t deserve the award. That Sam was better and it should have been his. Sam himself didn’t say anything, but his friends were loud and relentless. It stung a lot, especially because I already believed he was better than me.

After the ceremony, while I was walking to my car, another guy approached me and asked why I “stole” the award from Sam. That completely threw me off. I later found out those same boys had been going around telling people that the award should have gone to him, not me.

That night really got to me.

So the next morning, I dropped the art class. I convinced myself I wasn’t good enough and that I didn’t belong there. I stopped drawing completely after that.

What I didn’t know at the time was that by leaving, I caused the entire excellence art program to shut down. The class no longer had enough students to run. My teacher even tried to get me to stay, but she never told me the real reason why.

It’s been five years now. I recently reconnected with my old art teacher, and that’s when I found out the truth. Now I feel incredibly guilty, like I ruined something important for everyone else since they all didn’t get to complete the class because of me.

I (15 at the time) went to a really small school where classes only run if there are enough students enrolled. I was in an excellence art class that had just enough people to stay open.

My teacher had plans for all of us to stay in that class for the remaining three years of high school. It was kind of a big deal program, especially for a small school like ours.

I’ve always been a self-taught artist. I entered competitions here and there, not really expecting much. But one year, both me and another student in my class (I’ll call him Sam) were selected for an exhibition at a small non-profit museum. It was a huge deal for me.

At the end of the year, our school held an awards ceremony. Sam and I were both nominated for an art prize that included a trophy and $500. I was honestly just excited to be there. I had never been recognized like that before. In my mind, Sam was definitely going to win. He took professional classes outside of school and was way more technically skilled than me.

But somehow… I won.

I was shocked. I went up, accepted it, sat back down, and that’s when things went downhill.

A group of about six boys, all friends with Sam, started saying I didn’t deserve the award. That Sam was better and it should have been his. Sam himself didn’t say anything, but his friends were loud and relentless. It stung a lot, especially because I already believed he was better than me.

After the ceremony, while I was walking to my car, another guy approached me and asked why I “stole” the award from Sam. That completely threw me off. I later found out those same boys had been going around telling people that the award should have gone to him, not me.

That night really got to me.

So the next morning, I dropped the art class. I convinced myself I wasn’t good enough and that I didn’t belong there. I stopped drawing completely after that.

What I didn’t know at the time was that by leaving, I caused the entire excellence art program to shut down. The class no longer had enough students to run. My teacher even tried to get me to stay, but she never told me the real reason why.

It’s been five years now. I recently reconnected with my old art teacher, and that’s when I found out the truth. Now I feel incredibly guilty, like I ruined something important for everyone else since they all didn’t get to complete the class because of me.

I (18F) have been best friends with Sophia (19F) since we were 13, and we used to be inseparable. Throughout high school, teachers would literally ask where she was if they saw me alone, and vice versa. We were both introverted and only really hung out with each other.

When we first met, we were both super shy, and honestly pretty insecure. We didn’t really socialize with other people. We mostly just stuck to each other, which is probably why we got so close.

Around Grade 10, I started opening up more, making new friends, and getting involved in activities. I started realizing there was more to life than just staying in my comfort zone. And actually enjoyed socialising and trying new things.

Sophia, on the other hand, stayed pretty much the same. She’s not awkward or anything. When she *does* talk to people, she’s actually great!! but she just doesn’t *want* to. She didn’t want to join in on activities, didn’t want to socialize, and didn’t want to be involved in anything.

Whenever I invited her to events, group hangouts, or even simple things like going to the movies, she’d say no or make excuses. But when she wanted to hang out, it was always something low-effort like sitting in her room or going to a café. I still showed up because I cared, but it started feeling really one-sided.

Over time, hanging out with her became boring. She didn’t want to try anything new, didn’t want to meet people, and didn’t put in effort. Meanwhile, I was having way more fun with other friends who actually wanted to do things.

I tried to include her more, but she kept refusing, so I naturally started drifting away. We are still friends but I rarely see her. And currently after countless of begging to see her she tells me to come and hang out with her in her university’s library. Her uni is 3hrs away…

I’m a 19F from a pretty traditional ethnic background, and to be blunt, the expectations for girls are very strict. We’re not supposed to raise our voices, and definitely not supposed to draw attention to ourselves. Especially not around men. Even in family settings, girls are expected to be quiet and reserved around uncles and male cousins. The only place we can really be ourselves is around our moms and sisters.

I’ve never agreed with any of that. I think it’s outdated and stupid. Because of that, I’ve always pushed boundaries and inserted myself into spaces where the women in my family usually wouldn’t. It’s caused issues before, and I’ve been major punished for it.

Recently, one of my uncles moved back to our home country from the U.S. with his wife and four kids. Before he came, he asked his brothers (my dad included) to build him a house on his land. My dad is the oldest, so he took charge of the whole project.

When my uncle and his family arrived, his wife completely broke down. The house was nothing like what they expected. It had one proper room, another room without a door, a kitchen size of a walk in closet, and only one bathroom.. for a family of six. She was furious, and honestly, I don’t blame her.

She started arguing with her husband, and I stepped in to try to calm things down. That’s when it came out that my dad had made executive decisions during construction. He cut out what he saw as “extra” features. Like additional rooms and a bigger kitchen. Even though those things were clearly necessary. He just assumed he knew best.

Something in me snapped. I couldn’t stand the way all the men, including my dad, were standing there with zero accountability, acting like this was completely fine. The same mindset I’ve grown up around. Where they think they always know better, no matter what.

So I went off. Raised my voice like I was taught not to. And brought attention to myself like taught not to.

I called my dad out in front of all his brothers and in laws. I didn’t hold back. I also called out the rest of them for enabling this kind of behavior and only caring about “family unity” when it benefits them or keeps them in control. It was loud, it was emotional, and it was very public.

Now my entire family won’t talk to me. Not just the men, but the women too. Even my female cousins and aunts aren’t speaking to me. They all think I crossed a line and that I need to apologize for disrespecting my father.

But the thing is… I don’t feel like I said anything wrong. I just said what everyone else was too afraid to. I seriously hate it here. And I think Ive been manipulated to the point that I can’t leave.