u/LiveAsWeDream

spoilers

I just now finished EOE haven't seen the rebuilds yet. I'm sure everyone's aware of how confusing the show is when you're trying to get into it in the beginning. I usually try my best to avoid spoilers but honestly I had to look up so many things about the series even as I was watching it. and I can't say it ruined the experience for me in any way. I think because the confusion is not as much about the plot as about the world and how it works.

I know you're supposed to go into it blind and make up your own interpretation but there's just so much going on that I wouldn't be able to appreciate otherwise... All the moments still hit me and I had to go back a couple of times to rewatch some parts.

So for example I got that Rei was a clone using DNA of Yui but then there's her being an incarnation of Lilith and Kaworu having the soul of Adam. that seems pretty important for making sense of what happens there at the end but I wasn't able to piece it together myself.

This all got me wondering... how do people know all this? where do we get such details about the cosmology that isn't clearly stated in the series and how do I find out more? and how much comes from years of speculation and people analyzing each detail about the show? Do the rebuilds talk a lot about it and make it more clear or is it in the manga?

I mean things like the origin of humanity and angels and their history, what exactly happened during the impacts etc. Things like Eva unit 1 being a clone of Lilith while the others have Adam DNA apparently? I got really confused in the scene where Misato told Shinji that both humans and angels as well as Lilith came from Adam, that humans are like a different possibility of what angels could have been... and it turns out that was a translation error in the dub? because Kaworu calls people Lilin as something other because angels are descended from Adam while life on Earth is descended from Lilith

I'm still stressed out but this is literally the only thing that managed to calm me down these past few days

It feels a lot like how toxiphobia and emetophobia are described plus a strong fear of having to go to a hospital and almost all medical procedures. it's like a very strong fear of specifically losing control/agency over my body and it's also triggered by random symptoms. Is this how people normally experience it, does it have a cause?

tw sh

I cut myself as a coping mechanism (ik but nothing bad it was shallow it was an exception after a long time) and shortly after like 3 hours later I started feeling a little sick (could be nerves or ate something bad) and now I'm very anxious, shivering, started panicking that I did something terrible and it's my fault that something bad is going to happen. I have this compulsion to tell someone that I messed up but I can't. can someone please talk to me for like a minute to calm me down idk what to do

I'm 25 and I cut very rarely these days. each time I do it even when it's shallow I get this crazy intense feeling of disgust, anxiety and regret right after. but then I keep thinking about it. like I have the urges every day. this didn't used to happen. it used to help me. Maybe it's my worsening contamination fear that throws me into panic I don't know. I start shaking with fear when I think about infection spreading in my body that I caused or when I think about some people finding out. but it's also this nonspecific instinctive disgust and shame. I never go deeper than styro either. They're mostly like bloody scratches they always scar but never bleed too much. I want to stop having these thoughts. it was always about feeling good for me. it felt like I could deal with anything in the world on my own. Now it's like a nagging though I can't get rid of and once in a long time I do it and I feel absolutely terrible. when will it end? It's been years like this