u/ImOkayWithThiss

Background - Me 26F and my SIL 26F (my boyfriend’s 29M sister) got off on the wrong foot. I have been with my bf now for 2 years and we have took things at a good pace. I met his sisters after 6/7 months but I didn’t meet his parents and vice versa for a year (some people said that’s too long) and he only moved in with me 6 months ago. I have met all of his family, he has 3 sisters, but the eldest one is the one that hates me and I guess now I hate back.

Me and my bf started as friends and in the beginning of our relationship (first 4 months) he wasn’t acting in a great way, he wasn’t taking me on dates, buying flowers, doing cute things. He would just turn up to my house, we would eat watch tv and sleepover then he would leave. He would prioritise football over me. He would also just be soooo nonchalant that it hurt my feelings constantly. So we went on a 2 week break and I was very stern with him and said I can’t be in the relationship until I get more effort. After the 2 weeks of semi to no contact we made up and got back together and ever since he has been an angel and treated me perfectly how I want.

His sister - she has the same job as me but we don’t work in the same place, we are almost the exact same age, we both love the same tv shows, makeup, hair, nails, coffee/cafes, playing switch etc. so we do have a lot in common and a lot we could talk about. Yet, she literally acts like she wants me dead. She is up her own arse and thinks she is better than everyone. In person when I go to the parents house and see her she doesn’t even greet me or look at me in the eyes she pretends I don’t exist.

I have sent her about 5 paragraphs over the past 2 years along the lines of “hi so and so, I really want us to have a better relationship and I hope we can grow to do that, I’m sorry if I’ve ever upset you and I hope we can fix things” etc. even though the only thing I can think of that I have done wrong is go on the break with my bf from those 2 weeks so that he treats me better.

She always replies 1 or 2 months late and says she was busy and that yeh we are okay but then proceeds to ignore me irl. Super weird. Me and my bf bought a new house recently and she decided to show up to the viewing and try to tell me and my bf how we should have OUR house. After 2 years of not even saying hello or looking at me.

I went to their grandads funeral and I was the bag/coat holder the whole day (I don’t mind this at all I’m there to support their family and my bf) and yet even then after being the support my bf needs and his parents and trying to help and give them lifts in the car she still wouldn’t give me the time of day.

The most recent thing which has set me off again is we went to a family event at his grandmas and everyone was there. I was speaking to her because she said “bfs name doesn’t look homeless today” (she always comments on his hair and beard because it can get scruffy) and I said “ I know I trimmed it all last night and sharpened up his beard so it’s nice and fresh.” When I said this I squeezed his cheeks and she flew off the handle saying I should not be doing that. She then proceeded to ignore me the whole day and even after I text her apologising she said “ today was meant to be a celebration and tomorrow the same and I just want to enjoy my weekend” so all I replied with was “okay.” Because I truly had nothing to say. I still don’t know why she hates me and what I can do to make it better.

Bit long but any advice would be welcomed.

Ps they’re a very tight knit family so I cannot just ignore her and not turn up to family events etc and be the awkward one