u/Illustratingtheworld

Drove through a couple hours ago and noticed a LOT of teens there around the basketball courts. Never seen so many people there.

A couple hours later I saw 4 or 5 cop cars zooming over there. Went over to see what was happening and they had the whole block shut down. Somebody said there was a shooting.

Anybody know anything else? Looks like one of those teen takeover things I keep hearing about.

I’ve been having spells of derealization and disassociation for months now and it’s really been bribing me down. These are coming alongside anxiety and depressive feelings but the derealization is what sticks out the most to me.

It is literally a physical feeling for me. When I try to tell people what I’m feeling, I have a hard time putting it into words for them to visualize. I always end up describing it as if I’m sitting in the back seat of a car and watching it drive out the front windshield. Or feeling as if my brain is the size of an ant and it’s floating in the middle of my head like a person standing in the Grand Canyon.

It’s a physical feeling. Like being dizzy without the loss of balance. Like smoking weed and getting the spins without actually feeling high. Sometimes it’s so intense I don’t know what to do.

When I tell people this, they still don’t understand. How would you describe the feeling of derealization?

I’m in the midst of studying property and casualty. I went through insurancetests.com and so far it’s very easy? I’m almost convinced I’m missing something because everyone told me it’s incredibly difficult to study for this. Trickiest thing so far was learning the different types of property coverages with H01-H08 and DP and Schedules. Perils are pretty straight forward.

Anyways, I won’t write long because I only bought the week package and it expires tomorrow. Haven’t even touched casualty yet. I’m racing through property.

I wanted to know about jobs in the field and the potential earnings. I began taking this course because I got a lead on a job as a DSM for a company with a pension. Makes $70k per year but would require me to relocate to a city they decide. Frankly a DSM sounds intimidating and if I can make more as an agent, I’d be willing to sacrifice the pension for a Roth IRA or something.

Is it relatively easy to find a job after getting your license to sell P&C? If so, is it just as easy to find a job in another state and relocate yourself? Only asking because I’ve been wanting to move south to NC. That’s question A.

Question B: I see many different figures when people discuss earnings. Many people saying they’re only making $40k-$70k but others saying that those numbers just represent salary and that commission income is significantly higher. Some people saying upwards of millions for top earners and averages around $150k with residual incomes and commissions from new sales.

So what am I looking at?

My whole life has been directed for me. I’ve always had a direction with grade school, parents signing me up for a sport I’d play for the rest of my life, high school grooming me for college, college grooming me for life. I was always in the drivers seat with cruise control turned on.

Now I’m done with college and cruise control is off. Despite this, I feel like I’m now in the back seat of my own head watching life go by through the front windshield. Over the past year or so, my mental state has rapidly decreased. I feel a physical feeling of like a sticky glue of dread inside my head. The disassociation is dizzying sometimes. Confidence plummeted and self consciousness ramped up. I’m a constant ball of derealization and anxiety and life just seems too overwhelming.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m supposed to decide what’s next, but I haven’t a clue. I don’t feel like I have purpose yet or direction for that matter. I just feel like I’ve been going through the motions day in and day out. My days blend together and it’s gotten so bad my memory of the day/week is just a blur. Short term memory is gone, focus is gone, motivation is gone.

All I do now is go to work, come home, binge eat, doomscroll and play video games. I have zero motivation to do anything else. I’m gaining weight and getting more miserable by the day. I’ve been trying to fill the void with new hobbies but nothing is filling this emptiness deep inside.

I want to find myself. I want to find my purpose, my drive, my motivation. I want to be able to consciously control my thoughts and emotions, but nothing I’ve done works. I haven’t been enjoying life lately and as I think back, I find myself questioning when I really ever enjoyed it fully. I want so badly to LIVE but I can’t find the spark.

What do I have to do? I know I should seek therapy but I doubt I can afford it. Winters bring on these feelings in overdrive and they seem to get worse each year. I dont know how I can handle another one at this rate so I really wanna figure shit out while I still have a decent rationale available before I descend into madness.

Words of advice.

I’ve been an Imperial Buffet fan for almost 15 years.

S&S used to be amazing but fell off so hard year by year.

Golden Corral is awesome.

Am I missing anything good?

I was having some tests done a couple months ago for chest pain. I had a heart monitor, sleep study, and echo done.

The sleep study and heart monitor were 3rd party companies working with my insurance. All tests were ordered by my doctor. Before taking the tests, I was sure to call both companies to ensure what it was going to costs. Not only that, but I called my insurance as well.

After hearing different things from everyone and going back and forth, I finally was told that none of it would be out of pocket. Imagine my surprise a couple months later when I received a bill for the sleep study.

Now today, I get a bill for the heart monitor.

I called both companies and each claim to have never told me there’d be out of pocket costs or just say tough shit.

What am I supposed to do? I can’t afford this and was sure to let everyone know. Now they go back on their word.

Having never read the books, I just saw Eregon for the first time. I’m a thorough enjoyer of fantasies and I am just now learning of all of the stuff surrounding this movie.

So many plot holes and unfinished stories within the plot that I was getting pissed. When Roran said he was going to join the army, I thought Eregon was bound to run into him again as “enemies” with huge inner conflict and there could’ve been so many possibilities with that.

I couldn’t take malkovich seriously and was wondering the whole time why Durza was afraid of him with how powerful he was.

Brom’s death was rushed and weird.

I had no idea the final battle was the FINAL battle. He killed Durza in a very anticlimactic fight. The whole battle was like 5 minutes long. I was still waiting for Roran to show up. I was still waiting for the actual final battle where they take the fight to the king. Then the movie just ended dude.

Gave a huge cliffhanger and I was like, “oh okay a sequel should clean this up.” No sequel.

As someone who didn’t read the books, the movie wasn’t horrible and decently engaging. I had fun with it. The cinematography was good as well as the acting. Very upset there’s no sequel to actually finish the story they were trying to go with.

I know you guys treat this movie like Pacific Rim uprising with the whole, “there was a movie? No there wasn’t.” And I get it. As someone who didn’t read the books though, I’m pissed for my own reasons.

Since I was a teenager, I was shown that using nicotine, weed, and alcohol is pretty much a norm for people to function normally. Because of that, I started vaping in high school, smoking weed with my friends, and drinking at every social event.

I became addicted to nicotine, weed never really stuck but it’s still something I occasionally do, and now I feel like I need a drink every tike I go to a function of any sort.

I have since quit vaping and switched to nicotine pouches. My drinking has drastically decreased because I’ve begun to realize that it serves no purpose other than making me fat, hurting my liver, and making me feel like garbage the next day. I smoke weed once or twice a week with my gf but even that makes me feel crappy the next day.

I’ve been wondering lately what it’s like to be substance free. No weed, no booze, no nicotine. It seems very foreign to me. Everyone I know uses at least one of them on the regular. I also know there’s many people out there who do none of this crap. My toxic trait is feeling like that lifestyle is very empty but I know that’s not true. Maybe I just don’t feel comfortable enough with myself to be without substance aid.

Thoughts?

Just moved into a place and the other day I cleared the front flower bed and laid bricks on the border. It spans the whole front end of the house and is about 20ftX2.5ft.

I’d like to plant some cool looking plants and flowers. Definitely perennials. I don’t want to have to replant stuff.

Ideas? Looking for lots of colors. Also bonus if it produces a good fruit something I can use.