u/Freefresbee

My partner is somewhere in the graysexuality spectrum, but I have consumed a lot of content regarding to asexuality.

Either way, even though we struggle with sex and libidos and it just doesn’t always work, our relationship has so much other good things and I never thought it was bad because of it. We seem to have this soul-level bond that I know I can’t reach with anyone else, we can communicate and I trust him to work with me through our possible issues. I have come to accept him as he is.

In my dark moments I also found myself in the dead bedrooms subreddit and it just seemed so awful to me. The lack of love is evident and the first comments are always about leaving the partner. And I just realized it wasn’t my place.

I just want to say thank you for this wonderful community. I think it has saved my relationship in a way.

I used to work in healthcare, now I work in IT related to healthcare.

We were discussing about my job and suddenly she asks if I ever ask my partner to help me at my job?? Apparently I’m not smart enough to work in IT and actually be good at it? I told her I can’t show my work to anyone else and I have confidentiality obligation… should have defended myself more but I was just so stunned by her question.

I honestly thought at some point that she was ”getting better”. But recently she has been dropping these rude and unappreciative comments at me.

I feel like I find it very hard to know how often I want it, but I do want it occasionally. It feels like me and my partner both need to be in this right emotional and physical state that I really want it. The experience is often super intense, too.

I think our nervous systems are somewhat similar, and we can easily sense feelings out of each other.

For example, if we are spending an evening after work on couch, I can feel he might be a bit tense and worn out after a workday. My own nervous system can react to that and I pull back a little bit. I think he can feel it and often wants to hold hands anyways and that really comforts me and tells me everything is okay.

I also feel if he’s in a very lovey mood, his hugs and kisses are warmer and he just radiates warmth and love(it takes my breath away). Also sexual energy is different and I can sense it immidiately out of him.

He also knows very easily if I’m not alright for some reason.

I don’t know if this is a common experience, but it somehow makes our relationship bloom.

I have told her I don’t want kids, multiple times before, but I haven’t really heard what she thinks about it before. Yet I had guessed right about what she thinks.

She said that ”you might get lonely when you are old”. And the classic that I might change my mind later and then it could be too late (I’m 32).

I don’t want to make a new person to this world just to make sure I have someone to hold on to when I’m old. That dynamic doesn’t feel healthy for me. And it’s funny for my mother to say because we see each other once a month at maximum and don’t really call.

Just consider yourself lucky if you have parent who supports your childfreeness.