u/Difficult_Carob_3210

Just found out about the Chartered Governance Institute (CGI) in the UK, and it honestly doesn't get talked about enough here.

If you want world-level recognition as a governance professional, this is the global gold standard. The best part? ICSI has an MoU with them. Once you become an Associate/Fellow member of ICSI, you get massive exemptions. Instead of starting from scratch, you only have to clear 3 or 4 papers to get the UK qualification.

Honestly, instead of just defaulting to the standard CS + LLB route that everyone does, doing CS followed by CGI seems like a much better option to actually stand out and take your career international.

Is anyone here already pursuing this or planning to? Would love to know how the difficulty compares to our ICSI modules.

Hey everyone,

I’ve been writing for a while now, but I recently dug up the very first poem I ever wrote when I was just starting out.

It is incredibly simple and relies on some very classic tropes, but I wanted to share it here. It's completely unpolished and raw, just a snapshot of me trying to figure out how to put emotions into words for the first time. I’d love to hear your critiques or if you remember what your own very first pieces looked like compared to how you write now!

: My love :

My love is for you.

Deeper than the sea

Higher than the sky

Bigger than the universe

Longer than the Numbers

Brighter than the Sun

Sweeter than the sugar

Beautiful than the Rose

Safer than the house

Purer than the water of Rain

And precious than my life <3

Thanks for reading :)

https://www.reddit.com/r/poetry_critics/comments/1tc0gpb/comment/olpnx26/?context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/poetry_critics/comments/1tbrvh7/comment/olppmnl/?context=3

Hey everyone,

I’ve been writing for a while now, but I recently dug up the very first poem I ever wrote when I was just starting out.

It is incredibly simple and relies on some very classic tropes, but I wanted to share it here. It's completely unpolished and raw, just a snapshot of me trying to figure out how to put emotions into words for the first time. I’d love to hear your critiques or if you remember what your own very first pieces looked like compared to how you write now!

: My love :

My love is for you.

Deeper than the sea

Higher than the sky

Bigger than the universe

Longer than the Numbers

Brighter than the Sun

Sweeter than the sugar

Beautiful than the Rose

Safer than the house

Purer than the water of Rain

And precious than my life <3

Thanks for reading :)

Hey everyone,

I’ve been writing for a while now, but I recently dug up the very first poem I ever wrote when I was just starting out.

It is incredibly simple and relies on some very classic tropes, but I wanted to share it here. It's completely unpolished and raw, just a snapshot of me trying to figure out how to put emotions into words for the first time. I’d love to hear your critiques or if you remember what your own very first pieces looked like compared to how you write now!

: My love :

My love is for you.

Deeper than the sea

Higher than the sky

Bigger than the universe

Longer than the Numbers

Brighter than the Sun

Sweeter than the sugar

Beautiful than the Rose

Safer than the house

Purer than the water of Rain

And precious than my life <3

Thanks for reading :)

Hey everyone,

I’ve been writing for a while now, but I recently dug up the very first poem I ever wrote when I was just starting out.

It is incredibly simple and relies on some very classic tropes, but I wanted to share it here. It's completely unpolished and raw, just a snapshot of me trying to figure out how to put emotions into words for the first time. I’d love to hear your critiques or if you remember what your own very first pieces looked like compared to how you write now!

: My love :

My love is for you.

Deeper than the sea

Higher than the sky

Bigger than the universe

Longer than the Numbers

Brighter than the Sun

Sweeter than the sugar

Beautiful than the Rose

Safer than the house

Purer than the water of Rain

And precious than my life <3

Thanks for reading :)

My girlfriend [20F] and I [20M] have been together for about 4-5 years (formally dating for the last 2.5 to 3 years). We were in the same school since 11th standard and just completed our graduation two months ago. During college, even with different degrees and timings, we managed to meet once every week or two.

But we haven't seen each other since the end of January. Our college ended, exams happened, and now meeting up is next to impossible. Sometimes it's because of my schedule, but mostly it's because of her parents. They are incredibly strict—she struggles to even get permission to go out with her friends, let alone me.

On top of that, my routine is packed. I am working a full-time job and preparing for my CS exams, so I literally only get about one free hour at night. When we finally get time to text during that hour, it gets ruined by her network issues, her surroundings (parents being around), or just the fact that we don't know what to talk about.

Here is the real issue: The urge to talk and connect is so high, but we both just end up in silence. That "unsaid, half-feeling" builds up and frustrates us because we can't meet and can't even converse properly. This silent frustration almost always turns into a fight. We always make up and go back to normal, but this constant cycle is seriously affecting our mental health.

I know "communication" is the standard advice, and we do communicate about this. But the inconsistency is making us infuriatingly frustrated. Does anyone have any actual, practical ideas or ways to manage this dynamic when you literally cannot meet and barely have time to talk?

My girlfriend and I met up for lunch today near my office after she had an interview. We spent about two hours together, everything was going great, and then we started walking toward the station so I could drop her at a rickshaw.

I finally gathered the courage to hold her hand while we were walking. I didn't even do it in the cafe, but I finally went for it on the street. While we were walking, there was a group of boys. I didn't even notice them because I was focused on her, but she saw them staring at her.

Because they were looking, she told me to leave her hand. I let it go.

When we reached the station, I was visibly upset. I told her to just go. She asked why I was upset, and I told her it was obvious - she made me drop her hand. I asked her for the exact reason, and she said it was because of those guys staring.

This made me so angry. I told her that wherever we go in public, people are going to look. Are we just going to act like strangers forever? I told her that if you feel paranoid or unsafe because creeps are staring, you should hold my hand tighter to show them you are with me, not drop it to look like you're walking alone. I felt like she was trying to hide the fact that we were together just because some guys were looking.

She just listened to me with a sad/crying face but didn't argue back. I told her I'm not holding her hand ever again when we go out. When she left, she offered her hand for a handshake goodbye, and I refused to shake it. I just told her to text me when she reached home (which she did).

I am incredibly frustrated by her reaction to those guys, but she seemed really upset when she left. From an outside perspective, who is wrong here? Was my anger justified, or am I not understanding her side?

Edit: We are together since 11th standard and last month just completed our graduation [Meaning together almost 4-5 years]!! So just holding hands in public... That's why i reacted that way please do not tell me grow up! I am not some teenage toxic boyfriend I apologized to her after this, condolence too...

Hey guys, wrote this for my girl. I couldn't find anything in the real world to accurately describe her beauty, so I resorted to describing her using impossible, non-existent, and abstract experiences. It might be a little weird, but I'd love some feedback on whether the imagery lands for you and what you get out of it!

"""

You - undefinable

Have you ever smelled The Scent of Starlight Just Before Dawn...

Your fragrance is just like that!

 

Have you ever seen The Reflection from Blank Page...

Your eyes just reflect like that!

 

Have you ever heard The Final Click of a Thought Forming

Your voice sounds exact like that!

 

Have you ever seen someone glide like the first morning light over still water…

You just walk like that!

 

Have you ever felt touching the Freshly Cooled Volcanic Glass at the Bottom of the Sea

Your touch just feels like that!

 

Have you ever seen a rain in Forest After a Long Drought

Your smile just like that!

 

Have you ever touched or seen a comet's tail

Your hair is as beautiful as that!

 

Have you ever seen The Curve of a Flame Before It Vanishes

Your nose is exactly like that!

 

Have you ever seen a diamond and felt like eating it...

Your lips are just like that!

 

Have you ever felt The Snow That Falls on a World of Dreams

Your cheeks are just like that!

 

Have you ever seen The Shadow of a God's Wing

Your eyebrows are just like that!

 

So at the end, have you ever heard of The Place Where All Timelines Meet and Are at Peace...

You are just like that to me...”

"""
Thanks for reading! : )

Links: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1t7gxfu/comment/okrye7l/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1t7avnh/comment/okrxvdd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Hey everyone,

I write words that convert, retain, and engage.

Core Services & Pricing:

• Copywriting & Short-Form Video: High-retention reel scripts (60 seconds), ad hooks, and campaign captions.
  • $10 - $15 per individual reel
  • $100 for a bundle of 10 reels
• Technical & B2B: High-research, long-form SEO guides (2000+ words), case studies, and documentation.
  • $100 per individual blog/guide [Price is negotiable and bundle also available]

Pick the tone. I will match it.

Contact: thebosssiddh@gmail.com or DM.

Portfolio: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1fY4TmpItW10MvGDG7WKlt6o3QctP2tQo/view?usp=sharing

Available for freelance, contract, and full-time writing collaborations.

Note: For scriptwriting i would love to! That's priority!

Hey guys, trying my hand at some wit writing. I feel like we all share a collective trauma from using LinkedIn, so I wrote a short bit about the weird notifications, the fake stories, and the constant Premium upsells. Would love to know if these land for you!

LinkedIn:

 

(Lights up)

 

COMEDIAN: Thank you. Thank you. So… are you guys on LinkedIn?

 

(Pause for groan/acknowledgment from the crowd.)

 

COMEDIAN: It’s a weird place, right? It’s like Facebook, but for people who hate fun.

 

Everyone on there is a "Founder" or a "CEO." I'm connected to this HR person… her title is "Co-founder and CEO." I'm like "Wow, impressive." So I checked her company's page.

 

(Leans in conspiratorially)

 

It has two followers. And no profile picture.

 

What did you "co-found"? A three-person gossip group?

 

And the achievements people post… I’m scrolling, I see people "Celebrating a new milestone: I finished my first Tic-Tac-Toe game."

 

(Looks genuinely confused)

 

I am not joking. Meanwhile, I literally built a clone of Zoom with all the features... and I'm too scared to post it. I'm sitting there like… what if I missed a feature? What if the Tic-Tac-Toe guy thinks I'm a fraud?

 

(Shakes head)

 

But the neediness of the platform... the notifications are insane. I’ll get a notification: "Someone you don't know... commented 'Congratulations!'... on a post by another person you don't know!"

 

(Looks up, as if to God)

 

Why are you telling me this?! What am I supposed to do, send them both a fruit basket?

 

Then there's the UI… you get a connection request. You have two buttons: "View Profile" or "Accept." Okay... so you click "View Profile"...

 

(Mimes clicking a button. Pauses.)

 

...it takes you to their profile. Makes sense.

 

But if you click "Accept"...

 

(Mimes clicking the other button, then does a big, "TADOW!"-style gesture of presentation)

 

...it also takes you to their profile!

 

What is the point?! Is "Accept" just "View Profile" with enthusiasm?

 

But the worst... the worst... is the '1' on your inbox.

 

(Acts hopeful, touches chest)

 

You get that hit of dopamine... "A job! Someone wants me! My Zoom clone finally paid off!"

 

You open it...

 

(Face drops. Deadpan, angry.)

 

"Upgrade to LinkedIn FUCKING PREMIUM!"

 

(Audience applause.)

 

COMEDIAN: And the DMs... I get these DMs... "Hey, follow my Instagram page!"...on LinkedIn.

 

I just "seen" it and ignore it. That’s the signal, right?

 

But then LinkedIn, trying to be helpful... sends me a reminder a week later.

 

(Puts on a "mom" voice)

 

"You haven't replied to this message!"

 

(Breaks character, normal voice)

 

I KNOW, LINKEDIN! THAT WAS THE POINT!

 

…I wish Instagram had this feature, just for my ex's phone.

 

(Mimes looking at a phone, voice breaking with fake concern)

 

"Reminder: You have not replied to 'u up?' from 3 AM last Tuesday. Please respond!"

 

(Gets serious, changes tone)

 

Then you see these... stories. I read this post...

 

(Uses "influencer" voice)

 

"An HR manager called a candidate. She didn't pick up. The candidate calls back hours later... 'Sorry, my mom got in a bicycle accident, I'm at the hospital...

 

(Voice breaks, pleading)

 

...please tell me I still made it!'"

 

And I am hooked. I’m scrolling like a maniac. Did she get the job?! Did the mom get the job?!

 

I scroll to the end of the post... and all it says is...

 

(Vague, preachy, influencer voice again)

 

"This teaches us we have to understand everyone's situation."

 

…FUCK YOU! Tell me if she got the job!

 

That's not a story, that's emotional blue-balling! If I did that—if I called my HR rep and said "Sorry I missed the meeting, my mom got hit by a bicycle"—they would not "understand my situation." They would ghost me forever. I’d get an email: "Cycle accident? Oh no... anyway, we've moved on to a candidate whose mom is not currently under a Schwinn."

 

(Starts to wrap up, takes a breath)

 

But you know, I complain... but I'm still on there. Every day.

 

I'm scrolling past the Tic-Tac-Toe games, ignoring the "CEOs," trying to find out if "bicycle-accident-mom's-daughter" got the job... I'm still scrolling.

 

Just hoping one day... one day... I'll log in and see that one message... that one message that changes my life.

 

(Pauses, hopeful)

 

But I know, deep down, it's just gonna be another...

 

(Leans into mic)

 

"Upgrade to LinkedIn FUCKING PREMIUM!"

 

(As if getting a notification right now)

 

"Congratulations! Someone you don't know just upgraded!"

 

Thank you, goodnight!

 

(Lights down)

Hey everyone, I'm trying out a different style and I honestly don't know what to call this. It feels less like a traditional poem and more like an internal monologue or an unsent letter. Let me know how this raw format lands for you. Harsh words and honest critiques are completely welcome

here you go:

Yes, I haven't heard your voice much; it's good, not the best, but not bad either.

Maybe I need to listen to it more.

I've only heard it when you say "33" - your roll number.

Or sometimes, when you’re excited, talking a little too loudly with your friends.

A rare moment.

No, I don’t think we’ve ever made eye contact.

At least, I can’t remember if we have.

Because every time I see you, I look away.

Maybe it will never happen.

After all, you’re always on your phone, scrolling through reels or chatting with someone.

I’ve noticed how you keep tapping your legs.

Are you anxious?

Or is it something else?

You looked beautiful in that green kurti (dress).

Although I never really saw you properly.

Because if you ever caught me looking at you,

You might think I’m just like the others -

Staring with lust.

That small butterfly clip in your hair -

It doesn’t even tie your hair, yet you still use it.

I don’t know why… (But I want to.)

Hey everyone, I'm trying out a different style and I honestly don't know what to call this. It feels less like a traditional poem and more like an internal monologue or an unsent letter. Let me know how this raw format lands for you. Harsh words and honest critiques are completely welcome

here you go:

Yes, I haven't heard your voice much; it's good, not the best, but not bad either.

Maybe I need to listen to it more.

I've only heard it when you say "33" - your roll number.

Or sometimes, when you’re excited, talking a little too loudly with your friends.

A rare moment.

No, I don’t think we’ve ever made eye contact.

At least, I can’t remember if we have.

Because every time I see you, I look away.

Maybe it will never happen.

After all, you’re always on your phone, scrolling through reels or chatting with someone.

I’ve noticed how you keep tapping your legs.

Are you anxious?

Or is it something else?

You looked beautiful in that green kurti (dress).

Although I never really saw you properly.

Because if you ever caught me looking at you,

You might think I’m just like the others -

Staring with lust.

That small butterfly clip in your hair -

It doesn’t even tie your hair, yet you still use it.

I don’t know why… (But I want to.)

Hey everyone, I'm trying out a different style and I honestly don't know what to call this. It feels less like a traditional poem and more like an internal monologue or an unsent letter. Let me know how this raw format lands for you. Harsh words and honest critiques are completely welcome

here you go:

Yes, I haven't heard your voice much; it's good, not the best, but not bad either.

Maybe I need to listen to it more.

I've only heard it when you say "33" - your roll number.

Or sometimes, when you’re excited, talking a little too loudly with your friends.

A rare moment.

No, I don’t think we’ve ever made eye contact.

At least, I can’t remember if we have.

Because every time I see you, I look away.

Maybe it will never happen.

After all, you’re always on your phone, scrolling through reels or chatting with someone.

I’ve noticed how you keep tapping your legs.

Are you anxious?

Or is it something else?

You looked beautiful in that green kurti (dress).

Although I never really saw you properly.

Because if you ever caught me looking at you,

You might think I’m just like the others -

Staring with lust.

That small butterfly clip in your hair -

It doesn’t even tie your hair, yet you still use it.

I don’t know why… (But I want to.)

Hey everyone, I'm trying out a different style and I honestly don't know what to call this. It feels less like a traditional poem and more like an internal monologue or an unsent letter. Let me know how this raw format lands for you. Harsh words and honest critiques are completely welcome

here you go:

Yes, I haven't heard your voice much; it's good, not the best, but not bad either.

Maybe I need to listen to it more.

I've only heard it when you say "33" - your roll number.

Or sometimes, when you’re excited, talking a little too loudly with your friends.

A rare moment.

No, I don’t think we’ve ever made eye contact.

At least, I can’t remember if we have.

Because every time I see you, I look away.

Maybe it will never happen.

After all, you’re always on your phone, scrolling through reels or chatting with someone.

I’ve noticed how you keep tapping your legs.

Are you anxious?

Or is it something else?

You looked beautiful in that green kurti (dress).

Although I never really saw you properly.

Because if you ever caught me looking at you,

You might think I’m just like the others -

Staring with lust.

That small butterfly clip in your hair -

It doesn’t even tie your hair, yet you still use it.

I don’t know why… (But I want to.)

Help me guys i am confused that should i use guideline answer syllabus 2022 from dec 2023 attempt to dec 2025 attempt for TLP part 2 Indirect tax (Gst basically)
If those are old and kinda useless then tell me if there's any other sources from where can i practice those ques! also similar thing for part 1 direct tax but i am less concerned about that still if you even have something for that please provide!
Thanks a lot :) <3

Note: I know they provide the latest supplement for new amendments but i want to practice the questions for examination along with answers! i just don't want material Please help

Hey everyone. I wrote this comedy script based on a 100% true story about an unpaid internship I had. Because it actually happened to me, it plays out a lot more like a continuous storytelling set rather than a traditional setup-punchline stand-up routine. I wanted to capture the sheer absurdity and trauma of the situation. Let me know if the pacing works Here’s the piece:

Set Title: "Corporate Mazdoor & The Baby Hand Breakup"

(Mic adjust karte hue, shakal pe thakan aur gussa. Aisa lagna chahiye jaise abhi bas se utre ho aur conductor ne gaali di hai.)

"Bhai, tum logon ko lagta hai unemployment buri cheez hai? Nahi. 'Unpaid Internship' usse badi bawasir hai. Maine 56 emails bheje! Chhappan! 4 interview diye. Itni mehnat toh log arranged marriage mein ladki patane ke liye nahi karte jitni maine 'Please Hire Me' bolne mein ki.

Finally, ek reply aaya. 'AI Solutions.' Naam sunke laga, 'Wah bhenchod! Future hai yeh! Glass building hogi, receptionist hogi, AC hoga.' Wahan pahuncha toh pata chala address ek 1BHK flat ka hai. Matlab bedroom mein CEO soo raha hai, kitchen mein daal ban rahi hai, aur hall mein 'AI – All Idiots' baithe hai.

Main andar gaya, boss mujhe ghoor raha hai. Hall mein ek partition hai, uske peeche woh baitha hai.

Maine socha interview hoga. Woh banda mujhe kehta hai:

'Wo bahar se plastic ki kursi utha ke le aao, yahan chair nahi hai.'

Mera dimaag wahin phat gaya. Bhenchod, main interview dene aaya hoon ya tent house ka labor hoon? Par berozgaari ki bhookh, bhai... main gaya aur kursi utha ke laya. Maine company join karne se pehle hi 'Asset Allocation' shuru kar diya tha.

Interview shuru hua. Bande ne pucha, 'Skill hai?' Maine bola 'Haan'. Kehta hai, 'Hum ek task denge.' Ghar aaya, mail check kiya. Ek 'Female HR' ka mail aaya hai. Naam tha shayad Priya ya Pooja... jo bhi ho. Task kya tha? 'Canva ki file ka exact code replica banao.' Abey saalo! 2 saal ke experienced developer ka kaam tum intern se karwa rahe ho?

Khair, maine code likha, bhej diya. Reply aata hai: 'Iska video bana ke bhejo.' Maine socha chalo theek hai, screen record karke bhej diya. Phir reply aata hai: 'Ab responsiveness check karte hue video bhejo.'

Tab mujhe click hua... Bhenchod, yeh company nahi hai, yeh scam hai. Unhe code run karna aata hi nahi hai! Woh 'Female HR' koi aur nahi, wahi partition ke peeche baitha 'Baby Hand' wala boss hai!

Haan, maine bataya nahi? Boss ka ek haath... normal tha. Dusra haath? (Acting out as tiny T-Rex hand clutched to chest) Aisa lag raha tha jaise uske haath ki growth 2 saal ki umar mein demonetize ho gayi thi. Woh usi chote haath se 'Priya' ban ke mujhe emails pel raha tha!

Khair, job lag gayi. Salary? ZERO. Bola 3 mahine baad denge 'agar performance acchi rahi toh'. Matlab main 3 mahine tak hawa khaun? Mera daily ka kharcha 75 rupaye tha travel ka. Bus wale apni alag gunda-gardi chalate hain. Toh maine socha, fuck ethics. Main bus mein chadhta, 15km travel karta, aur jab conductor aata toh main ek dum roni shakal bana ke bolta: 'Bhaiya, pichle station se hi chadha hoon. 5 rupaye le lo.'

Haan, main 5 rupaye ka fraud kar raha tha taaki main ek muft ki naukri karne ja sakun. Economics ki maa behen ek kar di thi maine. Subah college, din bhar majdoori, shaam ko gym... aur pehla khana raat ko 8:30 baje. I was running a Ferrari engine on NO FUEL.

Wahan 5 aur ladke the. Sab ke sab chutiye. 10 mahine se bina paise ke kaam kar rahe the! Kehte hain, 'Sir travel allowance denge.' Arey ghanta denge! Woh aadmi apne pair dhone ke baad wahi paani peene walon mein se hai, woh tumhe paise dega?

Do hafte baad... climax aata hai. Main office pahuncha. Taala laga hai. Maine socha, 'Chalo badhiya hai, police utha ke le gayi hogi.' Maine boss ko text kiya laptop se (kyunki mere paas phone nahi tha, gareebi pro max). Usne bola 'Work from home kar lo 2 din.'

Do din baad... meeting hoti hai. Boss phone pe aata hai. Awaaz mein dard hai. Kehta hai: 'Beta, company band ho gayi.' Maine pucha, 'Kyun sir? Funding ruk gayi? ED ki raid pad gayi?'

Woh kehta hai: 'Nahi beta... Woh actually jo Ma'am hain (partner), unse meri shaadi hone wali thi. Par unke papa ne mana kar diya. Toh hamara breakup ho gaya. Aur kyunki company partnership mein thi... toh company ka bhi breakup ho gaya.'

(Pause for silence, look at the audience with dead eyes)

Bhenchod... kya?? Meri career ki maa isliye chud gayi kyunki tere sasur ne tujhe reject kar diya? Hum yahan bhookhe mar rahe hain, 5-5 rupaye ki chori kar rahe hain, aur yahan 'Roka Ceremony' fail hone ki wajah se poora startup band ho gaya?

Aur suno, besharmi ki hadd. Jab maine pucha ki ab kya, toh woh mujhe kehta hai: 'Tum subah meeting mein kyun nahi aaye? Why is your ass so high?'

Bhosdike, my ass is high?

Meri ass isliye high hai kyunki main pichle 2 hafte se tere 'Pyar Ke Side Effects' wale startup mein muft ki majdoori kar raha hoon!

Aur tu mujhe attitude dikha raha hai?

Woh kehta hai, 'Dusri company mein merge ho rahe hain, wahan wapas interview dena padega.' Maine bola, 'Maa chuda tu, aur maa chudaye tera merger.' Main wapas apni 5 rupaye wali bus pakad ke ghar aa gaya.

Moral of the story?

Agar boss bole 'We are a family'... toh check kar lena ki kahin woh apni girlfriend ko hi co-founder bana ke toh nahi baitha hai. Kyunki unka breakup hoga... aur kategi tumhari."

(Mic drop gesture, walk away frustrated)

 

Hey everyone. I wrote this comedy script based on a 100% true story about an unpaid internship I had. Because it actually happened to me, it plays out a lot more like a continuous storytelling set rather than a traditional setup-punchline stand-up routine. I wanted to capture the sheer absurdity and trauma of the situation. Let me know if the pacing works Here’s the piece:

Set Title: "Corporate Mazdoor & The Baby Hand Breakup"

(Mic adjust karte hue, shakal pe thakan aur gussa. Aisa lagna chahiye jaise abhi bas se utre ho aur conductor ne gaali di hai.)

"Bhai, tum logon ko lagta hai unemployment buri cheez hai? Nahi. 'Unpaid Internship' usse badi bawasir hai. Maine 56 emails bheje! Chhappan! 4 interview diye. Itni mehnat toh log arranged marriage mein ladki patane ke liye nahi karte jitni maine 'Please Hire Me' bolne mein ki.

Finally, ek reply aaya. 'AI Solutions.' Naam sunke laga, 'Wah bhenchod! Future hai yeh! Glass building hogi, receptionist hogi, AC hoga.' Wahan pahuncha toh pata chala address ek 1BHK flat ka hai. Matlab bedroom mein CEO soo raha hai, kitchen mein daal ban rahi hai, aur hall mein 'AI – All Idiots' baithe hai.

Main andar gaya, boss mujhe ghoor raha hai. Hall mein ek partition hai, uske peeche woh baitha hai.

Maine socha interview hoga. Woh banda mujhe kehta hai:

'Wo bahar se plastic ki kursi utha ke le aao, yahan chair nahi hai.'

Mera dimaag wahin phat gaya. Bhenchod, main interview dene aaya hoon ya tent house ka labor hoon? Par berozgaari ki bhookh, bhai... main gaya aur kursi utha ke laya. Maine company join karne se pehle hi 'Asset Allocation' shuru kar diya tha.

Interview shuru hua. Bande ne pucha, 'Skill hai?' Maine bola 'Haan'. Kehta hai, 'Hum ek task denge.' Ghar aaya, mail check kiya. Ek 'Female HR' ka mail aaya hai. Naam tha shayad Priya ya Pooja... jo bhi ho. Task kya tha? 'Canva ki file ka exact code replica banao.' Abey saalo! 2 saal ke experienced developer ka kaam tum intern se karwa rahe ho?

Khair, maine code likha, bhej diya. Reply aata hai: 'Iska video bana ke bhejo.' Maine socha chalo theek hai, screen record karke bhej diya. Phir reply aata hai: 'Ab responsiveness check karte hue video bhejo.'

Tab mujhe click hua... Bhenchod, yeh company nahi hai, yeh scam hai. Unhe code run karna aata hi nahi hai! Woh 'Female HR' koi aur nahi, wahi partition ke peeche baitha 'Baby Hand' wala boss hai!

Haan, maine bataya nahi? Boss ka ek haath... normal tha. Dusra haath? (Acting out as tiny T-Rex hand clutched to chest) Aisa lag raha tha jaise uske haath ki growth 2 saal ki umar mein demonetize ho gayi thi. Woh usi chote haath se 'Priya' ban ke mujhe emails pel raha tha!

Khair, job lag gayi. Salary? ZERO. Bola 3 mahine baad denge 'agar performance acchi rahi toh'. Matlab main 3 mahine tak hawa khaun? Mera daily ka kharcha 75 rupaye tha travel ka. Bus wale apni alag gunda-gardi chalate hain. Toh maine socha, fuck ethics. Main bus mein chadhta, 15km travel karta, aur jab conductor aata toh main ek dum roni shakal bana ke bolta: 'Bhaiya, pichle station se hi chadha hoon. 5 rupaye le lo.'

Haan, main 5 rupaye ka fraud kar raha tha taaki main ek muft ki naukri karne ja sakun. Economics ki maa behen ek kar di thi maine. Subah college, din bhar majdoori, shaam ko gym... aur pehla khana raat ko 8:30 baje. I was running a Ferrari engine on NO FUEL.

Wahan 5 aur ladke the. Sab ke sab chutiye. 10 mahine se bina paise ke kaam kar rahe the! Kehte hain, 'Sir travel allowance denge.' Arey ghanta denge! Woh aadmi apne pair dhone ke baad wahi paani peene walon mein se hai, woh tumhe paise dega?

Do hafte baad... climax aata hai. Main office pahuncha. Taala laga hai. Maine socha, 'Chalo badhiya hai, police utha ke le gayi hogi.' Maine boss ko text kiya laptop se (kyunki mere paas phone nahi tha, gareebi pro max). Usne bola 'Work from home kar lo 2 din.'

Do din baad... meeting hoti hai. Boss phone pe aata hai. Awaaz mein dard hai. Kehta hai: 'Beta, company band ho gayi.' Maine pucha, 'Kyun sir? Funding ruk gayi? ED ki raid pad gayi?'

Woh kehta hai: 'Nahi beta... Woh actually jo Ma'am hain (partner), unse meri shaadi hone wali thi. Par unke papa ne mana kar diya. Toh hamara breakup ho gaya. Aur kyunki company partnership mein thi... toh company ka bhi breakup ho gaya.'

(Pause for silence, look at the audience with dead eyes)

Bhenchod... kya?? Meri career ki maa isliye chud gayi kyunki tere sasur ne tujhe reject kar diya? Hum yahan bhookhe mar rahe hain, 5-5 rupaye ki chori kar rahe hain, aur yahan 'Roka Ceremony' fail hone ki wajah se poora startup band ho gaya?

Aur suno, besharmi ki hadd. Jab maine pucha ki ab kya, toh woh mujhe kehta hai: 'Tum subah meeting mein kyun nahi aaye? Why is your ass so high?'

Bhosdike, my ass is high?

Meri ass isliye high hai kyunki main pichle 2 hafte se tere 'Pyar Ke Side Effects' wale startup mein muft ki majdoori kar raha hoon!

Aur tu mujhe attitude dikha raha hai?

Woh kehta hai, 'Dusri company mein merge ho rahe hain, wahan wapas interview dena padega.' Maine bola, 'Maa chuda tu, aur maa chudaye tera merger.' Main wapas apni 5 rupaye wali bus pakad ke ghar aa gaya.

Moral of the story?

Agar boss bole 'We are a family'... toh check kar lena ki kahin woh apni girlfriend ko hi co-founder bana ke toh nahi baitha hai. Kyunki unka breakup hoga... aur kategi tumhari."

(Mic drop gesture, walk away frustrated)