r/IndianStandUpComedy

Since pakistanis are producing great music , Abhi ek pakistani song viral ja rha tha , Uss reel ka first comment tha , "Khali pet aavaj achhaa nikalta hai" 🤣

Hey, I’m planning to attend Madhur Virli’s show on 25th April at 5 PM.

Going solo as of now—anyone else heading there? Would be cool to connect.

Hello everyone,

I have been doing open mics for the past 2 months in Hyderabad and Ive recently shifted to Delhi. Here, I’ve heard that Hauz Khas has a lot of venues for open mics.

So wanted to know if anyone is aware of any venues that I can try out there.

Awesome special. Loved this. Watch both parts.

A while ago I watched a bit where the comedian went on a work trip to Germany or Amsterdam with two other coworkers, and he was basically recounting their experiences together. I think maybe there was a part about the red light area of Amsterdam. I’ve been losing my mind over this, please point me in the right direction.

I recently quit my job. Well, I’m "still" quitting, I’m on my notice period. You know, that period when suddenly everybody starts "noticing" you as you pass by? You’ll hear someone whisper, "Isko pakka nikaal rahe honge," or "Kaun dega isko naukri?"or some random guy shouting "POSH laga, POSH laga!" Even the colleague whose only interaction with you was a polite head nod will now look at you with a creepy smile and say, "Bhai kidhar jaa raha hai? Humein bhi referral de do."

So, I was discussing my future with a colleague, and he tells me, "Bro, yeh corporate-vorporate tere liye hai hi nahi. Uh-uhhh. You do not have the 'long tongue.' You are not meant for this rat race. Try something different. Tu itna creative hai, koi aisi job kar jisme tujhe andar se maza aaye... ekdum andar se."

Now, I have 10 days left on my notice period without another job. I don't know if you guys feel the desperation, but I’m in that phase where I’ll do any work. Bas paise aane chahiye. I tried LinkedIn, Naukri etc. I couldn't even get past the first round.

I thought inn sabse bhi kuch nahi ho raha so let's try to find something the old way, "Newspapers"

I went to the road in search of that one newspaper. I went to a dukaan and told the bhaiya, "Ek newspaper dena." He looked at me, completely bhauchakka, and asked angrily, "Phone nahi hai kya?"

I said, "Phone hai, bas mere joote geele ho gaye hain, unko sukhaane ke liye paper thusna hai."

I opened the newspaper, flipped through the pages, only to realize all the jobs had been taken by Modiji. That’s when I understood why the youth is unemployed, kyuki bechare Modiji ne poore desh ka bojh apne kandho par le liye hai!

Finally, I found an ad: "Desh ke Vikaas Ke Liye, Har Maa ki Aas ke Liye, baniye desh ka agla yuva neta."

Interesting. But then I saw the eligibility criteria:

Minimum age for Yuva Neta: 50+

Experience: 5-6 years of Jail Time (Tihar preferred)

Fluency: Must be fluent at having non consensual and forceful intercourse with another person

Language Proficiency: Should be able to incite hate and violence

I was so disappointed. Kya main bas muhchodi ke liye hi bana hoon.

But then, in the corner, I saw a small ray of hope. It said:

"Apne Virya Ka Sahi se Kare Istemaal, Bechari Maaon Ko De Santaano ka Vardaan."

First of all: "Agar kisi ki santaan hai hi nahi, toh woh 'maa' kaise hui?"And second: In this whole "Virya Gatha", why is nobody giving me a "vardaan"?

I read the ad carefully and realized it was for a sperm bank. Unlike the corporate world, they were actually looking for young candidates, not for forceful use, but for a contract to help someone achieve "santaan sukh."

I remembered my colleague’s words: "Try something jisme tere jism ko andar se maza aaye."So, I went to the sperm bank.

When I got there, I was shocked. There was a line of guys so long it reminded me of those mass walk-in interviews. I wasn't the only one who decided to find a job in the newspaper! There were all kinds of people: tall, short, fit, fat, liberals, everyone. In that crowd, I realized the ultimate truth: "Virya hi Veer ki nishaani."

While standing in the queue, I noticed some guys were carrying documents and certificates. I asked one guy, "Bhai, yeh kyu laaye ho?"

What he told me blew my mind. He said every sperm has a different rate. For example, if you are from an IIT or IIM, or if you’ve worked in a MAANG company, your sperm rate is already high. If you’re a great cricketer, even more money!

This is the reality of our country: even your "virya" is only respected if it has an IIT degree or a century at Lord’s.

I got depressed. I realized I’d probably get paid very little because of my "poor genes." A nurse came by, gave me a container, and said, "Please collect your sample and keep it in that box. Also, please do not take more than 2 hours."

"2 hours?! Kaun itna waqt laga raha hai... hilaane mein?"

I went into the room, lifted my spirits, and in two minutes, the sample was ready.

I went back the next day for the reports. The nurse looked at me and said, "Sorry to inform you, Sir, but you are infertile."

I was shocked. I said, "How is that possible? I went to the room, I... did the deed, and I gave you a sample! That means I’m fertile, right?"

The nurse looked confused. "Sir, I think you are confused between Semen and Sperm. You can ejaculate, but your sperm has no mobility. It dies the moment it leaves the body. It will never win the 'sperm race' and never reach the egg."

So, that was my life. I wasn't meant for the corporate rat race, and I wasn't even meant for the biological sperm race.

I was dejected. Seeing my face, the nurse said, "But you can still make use of your semen."

I asked, "How?"

She said, "There are couples where only one person wants a child and the other doesn't. We can use your infertile semen so that the person doesn't get pregnant. That way, you're helping a family stay together! Plus, we have a foster home nearby that could use the extra business."

First of all: "Thank you, Nurse ji."

Second of all: "Customer kya hota hai be?!"

Thirdly: "Referral ka kya scene hai ?!"

Hello everyone, I recently wrote this piece and would love to get your thoughts on if it seemed funny. It's a tad bit long for now and I am probably making it more long by adding this note as well. But if you still are reading it along do share your insights.

Maybe you've noticed this but we're flooded with full standup specials on youtube in the last 2 weeks.

1. Grownup - Jaspreet Singh (3 April)

2. Still Alive - Samay Raina (7 April)

3. What is this - Kanan Gill (16 April)

4. Loverboy - Devesh Dixit (15 April)

5. Masterpeace - Madhur Virli (1 April).

These are some of the standup I've discovered lately.

Is it like group decision to put out full stand up shows at such short time span that general public has "Stand up comedy/Stand up comic" as discussion point in India.

same as title