u/Different-Fix-4821

This is not fake and I need help seeing clearly.

When we got together, I was 23 and in a manic bipolar episode (didn't know that at the time of course.) We had a gym flirtation. I told him I was bipolar but we felt SO in love. We talked about taking my IUD out almost immediately and he encouraged it. I was pregnant a month later. At one point he said "am I really about to blow up my life for 24 year old pussy?" And immediately apologized and said he didn't feel that way but that's how other people would see it. He was married when we got together and didn't tell me until we way crossed the line. He has two teenagers. My brother freaked out when we got together and told me to reconsider after I had a first miscarriage and my parents were accepting of my choices.

He's emotionally unavailable to his two teens it seems. The girl tells her mom that she feels he doesn't love her. His son calls him a narcissist sometimes. All he does is work to support us though.

We moved to a town way far a month later (40 mins) from where we worked, lived, and had family. He promised me financial stability but we barely make by.

I forced us to move back into town when I was 7 months pregnant. Shortly after I began drinking to (cope? Just addiction? Idk.) but I spiraled hard and had full blown severe alcohol use disorder. I was hiding it (poorly) and lying.

I got pregnant again and now have a newborn. I'm sober (thank God.) But relapsed on Easter after he said I could have a drink if he had nicotine. Now I'm addicted to nicotine.

I'm scared of when he's mad. Not fear of danger but the feeling like your father's rejection. He says things like "I lost respect for you" and "you belong to me."

It's not all bad. He seems loyal to me and we have fun times.

Our sole income is his business that I work at but is in his name. He has no retirement but I come from a pretty well to do family.

I feel like I'm seeing clearly now but I have trauma and am also bipolar so I don't know if I can trust my perception. I need to do what's best for my children. What is best?

When we got together, I was 23 and in a manic bipolar episode. I told him I was bipolar but we felt SO in love. We talked about taking my IUD out almost immediately and he encouraged it. I was pregnant a month later.

We moved to a town way far a month later (40 mins) from where we worked, lived, and had family. He promised me financial stability but we barely make by.

I forced us to move back into town when I was 7 months pregnant. Shortly after I began drinking to (cope? Just addiction? Idk.) but I spiraled hard and had full blown severe alcohol use disorder.

I got pregnant again and now have a newborn. I'm sober (thank God.)

I'm scared of when he's mad. Not fear of danger but the feeling like your father's rejection.

Oh and: he was married when we got together and didn't tell me until we way crossed the line. He has two teenagers. Am I stupid?

When we got together, I was 23 and in a manic bipolar episode. I told him I was bipolar but we felt SO in love. We talked about taking my IUD out almost immediately and he encouraged it. I was pregnant a month later.

We moved to a town way far a month later (40 mins) from where we worked, lived, and had family. He promised me financial stability but we barely make by.

I forced us to move back into town when I was 7 months pregnant. Shortly after I began drinking to (cope? Just addiction? Idk.) but I spiraled hard and had full blown severe alcohol use disorder.

I got pregnant again and now have a newborn. I'm sober (thank God.)

I'm scared of when he's mad. Not fear of danger but the feeling like your father's rejection. He said he lost respect for me because of my drinking.

Oh and: he was married when we got together and didn't tell me until we way crossed the line. He has two teenagers. Am I stupid?

TLDR: I'm unhappy after marrying a man 18 years older than me and don't know if it's due to my addiction or if I was drinking because I was unhappy.

When we got together, I was 23 and in a manic bipolar episode. I told him I was bipolar but we felt SO in love. We talked about taking my IUD out almost immediately and he encouraged it. I was pregnant a month later.

We moved to a town way far a month later (40 mins) from where we worked, lived, and had family. He promised me financial stability but we barely make by.

I forced us to move back into town when I was 7 months pregnant. Shortly after I began drinking to (cope? Just addiction? Idk.) but I spiraled hard and had full blown severe alcohol use disorder.

I got pregnant again and now have a newborn. I'm sober (thank God.)

I'm scared of when he's mad. Not fear of danger but the feeling like your father's rejection.

Oh and: he was married when we got together and didn't tell me until we way crossed the line. He has two teenagers. Am I stupid?