u/Desperate_Beyond_659

​Hi everyone. I’m writing because I feel completely burnt out, like an empty shell with no drive left, and I need to understand if there is a way out for someone starting from a situation like mine.

​I have received verbal diagnostic hypotheses of Level 1 Autism and ADHD (AuDHD), along with obsessive traits and OCD. I live by extremely rigid routines (listening to the same music, my environment must be millimetrically precise) and the slightest change sends me into a tailspin. I am in a state of total apathy and burnout. When the emotional pressure becomes unbearable, I have meltdowns where I vent my anger on objects. I have a history marked by a past suicide attempt, and even today, I deal with recurring suicidal thoughts.

​I live in a toxic environment. My father is absent; my mother has a history of physical violence toward me and now uses me as an emotional punching bag. I feel trapped. I can’t work because I can’t even conceive of the idea of working. I’m not interested in working for money, but I wouldn't be able to do it even for something I like. I feel as if I have no will of my own: I passively adapt to other people, I can never make a decision, and I feel literally "shut off." I have no goals because I don't have the energy to want anything.

​I am currently following a path at my local mental health center (CSM), but I feel a constant prejudice. People close to me think I’m just looking for "excuses." The truth is that in my mind, there is only a sort of desire to have a disability allowance or some kind of help, even though I know it’s a utopia and perhaps, to the world, it is also wrong and ridiculous. But it’s the only thing that feels like it could give me some peace.

​I want to get an official diagnosis to understand who I am and finally be able to find some serenity. I don’t care about success or a career; I just want the peace I’ve been missing since I was a kid.

​What I am asking you:

​Has anyone obtained support or disability benefits for Autism/ADHD or psychiatric conditions starting from a state of total lack of will and interest in everything?

​How do you handle the weight of being judged by those who don’t see the void and the decisional paralysis you have inside?

​Is it possible to rebuild a life when you feel so empty and your family environment destroys you every single day?

​Thank you to anyone who responds seriously.

Hi everyone. I’m writing because I feel completely burnt out, like an empty shell with no drive left, and I need to understand if there is a way out for someone starting from a situation like mine.

​I have received verbal diagnostic hypotheses of Level 1 Autism and ADHD (AuDHD), along with obsessive traits and OCD. I live by extremely rigid routines (listening to the same music, my environment must be millimetrically precise) and the slightest change sends me into a tailspin. I am in a state of total apathy and burnout. When the emotional pressure becomes unbearable, I have meltdowns where I vent my anger on objects. I have a history marked by a past suicide attempt, and even today, I deal with recurring suicidal thoughts.

​I live in a toxic environment. My father is absent; my mother has a history of physical violence toward me and now uses me as an emotional punching bag. I feel trapped. I can’t work because I can’t even conceive of the idea of working. I’m not interested in working for money, but I wouldn't be able to do it even for something I like. I feel as if I have no will of my own: I passively adapt to other people, I can never make a decision, and I feel literally "shut off." I have no goals because I don't have the energy to want anything.

​I am currently following a path at my local mental health center (CSM), but I feel a constant prejudice. People close to me think I’m just looking for "excuses." The truth is that in my mind, there is only a sort of desire to have a disability allowance or some kind of help, even though I know it’s a utopia and perhaps, to the world, it is also wrong and ridiculous. But it’s the only thing that feels like it could give me some peace.

​I want to get an official diagnosis to understand who I am and finally be able to find some serenity. I don’t care about success or a career; I just want the peace I’ve been missing since I was a kid.

​What I am asking you:

​Has anyone obtained support or disability benefits for Autism/ADHD or psychiatric conditions starting from a state of total lack of will and interest in everything?

​How do you handle the weight of being judged by those who don’t see the void and the decisional paralysis you have inside?

​Is it possible to rebuild a life when you feel so empty and your family environment destroys you every single day?

​Thank you to anyone who responds seriously.

Hi everyone. I’m writing because I feel completely burnt out, like an empty shell with no drive left, and I need to understand if there is a way out for someone starting from a situation like mine.

​I have received verbal diagnostic hypotheses of Level 1 Autism and ADHD (AuDHD), along with obsessive traits and OCD. I live by extremely rigid routines (listening to the same music, my environment must be millimetrically precise) and the slightest change sends me into a tailspin. I am in a state of total apathy and burnout. When the emotional pressure becomes unbearable, I have meltdowns where I vent my anger on objects. I have a history marked by a past suicide attempt, and even today, I deal with recurring suicidal thoughts.

​I live in a toxic environment. My father is absent; my mother has a history of physical violence toward me and now uses me as an emotional punching bag. I feel trapped. I can’t work because I can’t even conceive of the idea of working. I’m not interested in working for money, but I wouldn't be able to do it even for something I like. I feel as if I have no will of my own: I passively adapt to other people, I can never make a decision, and I feel literally "shut off." I have no goals because I don't have the energy to want anything.

​I am currently following a path at my local mental health center (CSM), but I feel a constant prejudice. People close to me think I’m just looking for "excuses." The truth is that in my mind, there is only a sort of desire to have a disability allowance or some kind of help, even though I know it’s a utopia and perhaps, to the world, it is also wrong and ridiculous. But it’s the only thing that feels like it could give me some peace.

​I want to get an official diagnosis to understand who I am and finally be able to find some serenity. I don’t care about success or a career; I just want the peace I’ve been missing since I was a kid.

​What I am asking you:

​Has anyone obtained support or disability benefits for Autism/ADHD or psychiatric conditions starting from a state of total lack of will and interest in everything?

​How do you handle the weight of being judged by those who don’t see the void and the decisional paralysis you have inside?

​Is it possible to rebuild a life when you feel so empty and your family environment destroys you every single day?

​Thank you to anyone who responds seriously.

Ciao a tutti. Scrivo perché mi sento completamente spento, un guscio vuoto senza più stimoli, e ho bisogno di capire se esiste un percorso d'uscita per chi parte da una situazione come la mia.

​Ho ricevuto ipotesi diagnostiche verbali di Autismo Livello 1 e ADHD, con tratti ossessivi e DOC. Vivo di routine estremamente rigide (ascolto sempre la stessa musica, il mio ambiente deve essere millimetrico) e ogni minimo cambiamento mi manda in tilt. Mi trovo in uno stato di apatia totale e burnout. Quando la pressione emotiva diventa insopportabile, ho dei crolli (meltdown) in cui scarico la rabbia su oggetti. Ho un passato segnato da un tentativo di gesto estremo e ancora oggi convivo con ricorrenti pensieri suicidi.

​Vivo in un ambiente tossico. Mio padre è assente; mia madre ha un passato di violenza fisica nei miei confronti e oggi mi usa come valvola di sfogo. Mi sento in trappola. Non riesco a lavorare perché non riesco nemmeno a concepire l'idea del lavoro. Non mi interessa lavorare per i soldi, ma non riuscirei a farlo nemmeno per qualcosa che mi piace. Mi sento come se non avessi una volontà mia: mi adatto passivamente alle persone, non riesco mai a prendere una decisione e mi sento letteralmente spento. Non ho obiettivi perché non ho l'energia per desiderare nulla.

​Sto seguendo un percorso al CSM, ma sento un pregiudizio costante. Le persone vicine a me pensano che io cerchi solo "giustificazioni". La verità è che nella mia mente c'è solo una sorta di desiderio nel voler avere un sussidio o avere un aiuto, anche se so che è un'utopia e forse, per il mondo, è anche sbagliato e ridicolo. Ma è l'unica cosa che mi sembra possa darmi un po' di pace.

​Voglio ottenere una diagnosi ufficiale per capire chi sono e poter finalmente stare sereno. Non mi interessa il successo o la carriera, voglio solo la pace che mi è mancata da quando ero ragazzo.

Vi chiedo se:

​Qualcuno ha ottenuto un supporto o un'invalidità per Autismo/ADHD o patologie psichiatriche partendo da un totale blocco della volontà e dell'interesse verso tutto?

​Come si gestisce il peso di essere giudicati da chi non vede il vuoto e la paralisi decisionale che hai dentro?

​È possibile ricostruirsi una vita quando ti senti così spento e l'ambiente familiare ti distrugge ogni giorno?

​Grazie a chiunque risponderà con serietà.