u/DebateSevere5720

Was there a specific event that made you decide to go LC/NC with your in-laws, or was it more of an accumulation of resentment over time?

I (30F) have been in an interracial marriage for 7 years now. I was born and raised in Canada, my husband was born in Pakistan, raised in the Middle East, and has lived in Canada for over a decade.

One of the biggest ongoing issues in our marriage has been cultural differences around family. His parents are very traditional Pakistani parents who believe that when I married him, I married into the whole family, and that children should always obey and prioritize their parents no matter what. Even when his parents do something wrong, they would never apologize because they believe parents should never have to.

I was raised very differently. Parents are of course loved and respected, but adult children are still independent and build their own lives. My parents apologize when they do something wrong, and of course I do the same.

Over the years this has caused a lot of tension. My husband understands my perspective and recently told me he would understand if I no longer wanted a relationship with his parents. He knows I’ve tried hard and been patient with them.

The difficult part is that I know he genuinely loves his parents a lot. His parents can be extremely controlling and emotionally draining, but he says he’s used to it because they have always been this way since he was a child.

For me personally, after being yelled at and disrespected so many times, I honestly don’t feel any emotional attachment toward them anymore. Deep down, I honestly feel like my life would’ve been more peaceful without all of this conflict and pressure from his parents. But I deeply love my husband, which is why I’m still trying to figure out how to support him through all of this.

Question: What do you actually need from your partner in situations like this? What helps emotionally, and what makes it harder?

What I’ve done so far:

• I have never talked back or try to explain myself because even explaining my side can be seen as “disrespectful” or “talking back”
• When they get angry, yell, or go on long emotional outbursts, I usually stay quiet and wait for them to finish.
• Even when I don’t think I did anything wrong, I still end up apologizing for upsetting them just to keep the peace.

tl;dr: What kind of supports do you want from your spouse when you’re stuck between your parents and spouse who have completely different beliefs?

I’ve been in an interracial marriage for 7 years now. I was born and raised in Canada, my husband was born in Pakistan, raised in the Middle East, and has lived in Canada for over a decade.

One of the biggest ongoing issues in our marriage has been cultural differences around family. His parents are very traditional Pakistani parents who believe that when I married him, I married into the whole family, and that children should always obey and prioritize their parents no matter what. Even when his parents do something wrong, they would never apologize because they believe parents should never have to.

I was raised very differently. Parents are of course loved and respected, but adult children are still independent and build their own lives. My parents apologize when they do something wrong, and of course I do the same.

Over the years this has caused a lot of tension. My husband understands my perspective and recently told me he would understand if I no longer wanted a relationship with his parents. He knows I’ve tried hard and been patient with them.

The difficult part is that I know he genuinely loves his parents a lot. His parents can be extremely controlling and emotionally draining, but he says he’s used to it because they have always been this way since he was a child.

For me personally, after being yelled at and disrespected so many times, I honestly don’t feel any emotional attachment toward them anymore. Deep down, I honestly feel like my life would’ve been more peaceful without all of this conflict and pressure from his parents. But I deeply love my husband, which is why I’m still trying to figure out how to support him through all of this.

Question: What do you actually need from your partner in situations like this? What helps emotionally, and what makes it harder?

What I’ve done so far:

• I have never talked back or try to explain myself because even explaining my side can be seen as “disrespectful” or “talking back”
• When they get angry, yell, or go on long emotional outbursts, I usually stay quiet and wait for them to finish.
• Even when I don’t think I did anything wrong, I still end up apologizing for upsetting them just to keep the peace.

I’ve been in an interracial marriage for 7 years now. I was born and raised in Canada, my husband was born in Pakistan, raised in the Middle East, and has lived in Canada for over a decade.

One of the biggest ongoing issues in our marriage has been cultural differences around family. His parents are very traditional Pakistani parents who believe that when I married him, I married into the whole family, and that children should always obey and prioritize their parents no matter what. Even when his parents do something wrong, they would never apologize because they believe parents should never have to.

I was raised very differently. Parents are of course loved and respected, but adult children are still independent and build their own lives. My parents apologize when they do something wrong, and of course I do the same.

Over the years this has caused a lot of tension. My husband understands my perspective and recently told me he would understand if I no longer wanted a relationship with his parents. He knows I’ve tried hard and been patient with them.

The difficult part is that I know he genuinely loves his parents a lot. His parents can be extremely controlling and emotionally draining, but he says he’s used to it because they have always been this way since he was a child.

For me personally, after being yelled at and disrespected so many times, I honestly don’t feel any emotional attachment toward them anymore. Deep down, I honestly feel like my life would’ve been more peaceful without all of this conflict and pressure from his parents. But I deeply love my husband, which is why I’m still trying to figure out how to support him through all of this.

Question: What do you actually need from your partner in situations like this? What helps emotionally, and what makes it harder?

What I’ve done so far:

• I have never talked back or try to explain myself because even explaining my side can be seen as “disrespectful” or “talking back”
• When they get angry, yell, or go on long emotional outbursts, I usually stay quiet and wait for them to finish.
• Even when I don’t think I did anything wrong, I still end up apologizing for upsetting them just to keep the peace.

TL;DR: I’m in an interracial marriage where ongoing cultural differences around family and parental expectations have caused years of tension with my husband’s very traditional parents. What kind of support do people actually need from their partner in situations like this?