I’m currently trying to sleep sitting up. I have an appointment on the 11th and hope to get the CPAP shortly after. The past week has been hell.
Can CPAP even help me? I don’t know how it would help with collapse in the back of my throat?
I was caught off guard but they were riffing, as they always are, and started talking about someone else's behavior as "narcissistic abuse". I just stared, like b**** you are the narcissist here, everything always have to be around you. But I didn't say anything, of course, and I just bottled it up. Now I'm confused.
So now they're walking around talking about narcissistic abuse and it feels like the power of that word is being stripped away.
Have they ever used that term around you? What do you feel about it?
As I've been going to therapy for this, I'm starting to notice my behavior and how people react to it. A year ago, I met a barista whom I fawned over very heavily. I slurred on words and such. After that interaction, I stopped going for four weeks but I still walked past the place. Finally, I entered one time, and she gave me an attitude like I had rejected her. This sent my fawning into overdrive.
Another instance, more recently, same thing. Barista -> Fawning -> I start resenting the place. Unlike the previous person, this person got annoyed with my behavior, so when I stopped going it was a mutual relief.
This made me wonder. I've had plenty of interactions with different reactions but this contrast was basically 1:1, two cafe workers in similar situations.
Some people seem to like fawners. Are such people generally toxic themselves?
When you have CPTSD, it's hard to make a good assessment because you are preoccupied with our own issues.
I've had issues with fawning but I've never felt the PTSD come back from something like this.
I went into a store that I'm a regular at. There is an awkward guy there whom I always have stale interactions with. This time, I was kind of happy to see him, because the last time I visited we talked briefly. He had his back turned, so I proceeded along, but when he turned we greeted, and for some reason I started fawning my ass off.
I have no idea why. I said his name out loud, like he was the President, and I just fawned. My stress increased and I was on life support during the whole interaction despite him being the awkward one before this and after the interaction concluded I was utterly destroyed. He seemed normal and I seemed like a clown.
I had a very calm day. Very calm week. Very productive month. I just entered the store as always, saw him, fawned my ass off and now I'm stressed out of my mind. I haven't fawned before someone this way in many months, maybe even half a year.
I even offered my time and energy to help the guy out with something he didn't even ask for. I have no idea why. Now I'm stressing over if he takes me up on it. His coworker just stared at me and then him like "what is going on right now".
I have no idea how to proceed from here. I have no idea what happened and my adrenaline is going through the roof now. I feel a compulsion to go back and present my "calm, normal self" and maybe address today as "I was stressed" or something. I know enough not to follow compulsions though. I don't know what to do?
What is going on with me and what should I do?
It could be resentment towards a family member, bitterness from a breakup, divorce or rejection, anything. Have you ever thought about someone obsessively and finally let it go using mindfulness?
Why do I want her to want me again, despite not wanting a relationship with her? Why do I want to ”fix it”?