u/Cherryblossommilktea

I think I know the answer- he just doesn’t want me this much, he’s comfortable as he is and he doesn’t take my side into consideration, we have different goals etc. But I just want to hear others opinion if possible.

So a bit of a background- we met when I was 21 and he was 29. We lives very close to each other and used to see each other a lot and all was great. I was younger and I still used to party a lot. I’d go out and sometimes stay out all night and he didn’t go out at all. There were a few situations where I broke his trust but he wanted to work through this and always says it’s in the past now. I wanted to live with him after being together for 1 year but he always been putting it off and looking for excuses. He knew I really don’t get along with my mum and living with her was really hard on my mental health. But he did nothing about it apart from telling me he’s sorry etc.

We had a few breakups. One due to me breaking his trust a few years back and then at least once or twice I broke up with him for the lack of initiative etc. He said he will change. He would, for about a week.

9 months ago I moved out and to live on my own 30ish mins drive from where we lived before with the future plan to live here together. I stopped going out and drinking and I cut contact with all guy friends just in case and even unfollowed and removed all men from my social accounts. Now I even stopped using social media. He didn’t ask me to do this but I hoped if I show him that I changed, he’ll propose or move in with me. Didn’t happen.

When we talk about marriage, he says “yes, one day” and also that he doesn’t think marriage really changes anything as you can still get a divorce and it’s just more hassle in case we were to break up. He knows I want to get married.

When we talk about living together, he says that he wants to, but worries that we’ll break up and I’ll kick him out. He also worries where will he put all of his things. He also doesn’t drive manual and doesn’t have a car. He failed 3 times his driving test which took pretty much 9 months due to the wait times between tests. Now he said he’s giving up and I suggested getting an automatic. He is not too happy about this, but said his mate is looking for him (?).

He recently has been promoted to a new position with more responsibilities and is always stressed and tired. But I am tired too. I have to go pick him up on the weekends and we do nothing as he puts no initiative then he goes to play football and then I have to drop him off home. No planned dates, holidays, trips. No idk fixing something for me in my house or anything really! If I don’t plan something then we won’t do anything.

It’s got to the point that I really don’t think this relationship is benefiting either of us. I think if a man is not ready to propose or move in with his girlfriend after nearly 5 years then he never will be. Whenever we broke up he always said how terrible it was and how he never wants to lose me again. But then he has me and takes me for granted because he is comfortable as he is.

Now, I think we really should end it here, but I’m really anxious about it. We’ve been together so long, I cut off nearly all my friendships so my immediate support circle is nearly non-existent. I guess it will be hard but it’s for the best?

I don’t think there’s any point giving him ultimatums or trying to trick him or make him jealous etc because it’ll only force him to do something he doesn’t want at best. We had these conversations where I explain what I want many times without any results.

How do I approach this? How do I break things off and how do I make sure I survive this lol? I live in the middle of nowhere, know nobody here, wfh and yea I am just scared! I’m also scared he isn’t actually that bad and that id be making a mistake and that I’ll never find someone “better”. Thanks for any advice and please be nice!