u/ChaiKaCupWithGupShup

Hey guys

I really enjoy webtoons like Falling for it, Selfish Romance, Devil no. 4, Super Secret, Socializing 101, Lady and her Butler, The Dawn to come, Boyfriend's rule, Romance 101, She's hopeless, Scorching Romance, Ghost Wife, Half Ghost, Reflection of the Soul, Your Ryan, Edith, The Gentle Way, Let's play, The Villainess just wants peace, Ugly Duckling Complex, Not Your Typical Reincarnation Story, Reunion, Wish You Were Dead, Match Made in Hell.

With my top 2 in hiatus rn, what else do you recommend that I read?

I'm 27 and Indian. In my early childhood, I was extremely shy to the point that I kept my head down when we were out. I wouldn't speak to anyone or look at anyone. Many people thought I couldn't speak at all but at home I was a chatterbox. However, I enjoyed destroying things. Like one of the earliest things I remember was using knives to cut whenever my parents were not observing me or one day, I just remember cracking an egg on the floor because my baby brother had been reprimanded for doing the same before this.

I was, however, always scared. I still am. Of everything, anything, loneliness, company, family, friends, enemies, work, unemployment, poverty, not finding love, staying consistent, working hard, expressing my feelings. Therefore, I'd be the good girl. Do things like my parents and teachers wanted. I didn't want to be punished or questioned. But secretly I always thought about what it would feel like. A small example is that everyone who wouldn't do their classwork properly would have to stand at the teacher's desk to do it. It was a form of humiliation but I secretly wanted to know what it felt like.

I love romances though. The idea of someone loving you and seeing you as the most beautiful person was everything to me. Someone who brings you out of your misery or someone who takes you far far away. But I also enjoyed being liked by everyone, teachers, parents, siblings and friends. I wanted everyone to believe I'm the best. That made me lie a lot, for convenience majorly. To get Outta trouble, to get false appreciation, to feel seen and wanted.

But I've always related or loved characters of villains, second leads, the comic relief, etc. I wanted to know more of the gray characters. I wanted to sympathize with every villain, feel for every anti-hero. That made me lie. It was easy, it made me happy and now it's a habit.

I lie continuously since childhood and present myself in situations where I appear to be the victim. Now I want to start therapy because I have kinda ruined my chances of having a good life. I'm troubled and I don't feel many emotions towards others like my family but then I cry when I see some stranger's sad news.

I have condensed it for brevity. Today my family asked me what I wanted to do in life. I can't think of one positive thing tbh. I want to gossip, lay in bed, stay in bed, eat and drink. I want acceptance but I'm judgmental. I lie, I believe in fiction to escape my reality, I don't think I trust anyone to like me 100% and I want people to like me. So I've built this persona around myself, the non-chalant, sarcastic, cool girl who doesn't care about societal standards. I don't think I've succeeded because at the end of the day, I've pushed everyone away and I'm still needy, over emotional, scared and a cry baby.

I can't show up daily to work, I'm financially dependent and I don't feel much for my family. Tbh, I feel like I want a new family but that's just me dreaming and blaming stuff on others. Like only if my mom did this, my dad did this, things wouldn't be the same, etc. I know I'm wrong.

But I accept it and just continue with it until another uncomfortable situation settles in. I don't try to better myself. It's like,"yes ik I'm a bad person." I always dream of criminal things like bank heists though my craving for validation from others won't let me even do that.

Idk if I can be honest to my therapist because honesty isn't one of my characteristics. I know I'm not a good person in the eyes of society and I do not want any sympathy. (Or maybe I do, I'm a liar remember?) But can I (at this stage, where I've almost ruined my career, my health, my chances at a loving relationship, friendships and family) be a better person? Can I actually stay consistent in positive things and work hard towards something good? And if yes, how? I struggle with consistency and working hard. I've never done those things except maybe in the grand scheme of leading myself to the gates of ruin. I hate being in uncomfortable situations and I would love to just stay in, inside a room, a washroom, a shell. So idk what to do.

Tl;dr : I’m 27 and I’ve spent most of my life being driven by fear, people-pleasing, and lying to gain approval or avoid consequences.I struggle with consistency, responsibility, and honesty, and I often avoid discomfort by escaping into fantasies. I feel like I’ve sabotaged my career, health, and relationships, and even though I’m aware of my patterns, I feel stuck in them. I want to change but I’m not sure if I can, or if I can even be honest enough to make it work.

Can I even be a better person?

I'm 27 and Indian. In my early childhood, I was extremely shy to the point that I kept my head down when we were out. I wouldn't speak to anyone or look at anyone. Many people thought I couldn't speak at all but at home I was a chatterbox. However, I enjoyed destroying things. Like one of the earliest things I remember was using knives to cut whenever my parents were not observing me or one day, I just remember cracking an egg on the floor because my baby brother had been reprimanded for doing the same before this.

I was, however, always scared. I still am. Of everything, anything, loneliness, company, family, friends, enemies, work, unemployment, poverty, not finding love, staying consistent, working hard, expressing my feelings. Therefore, I'd be the good girl. Do things like my parents and teachers wanted. I didn't want to be punished or questioned. But secretly I always thought about what it would feel like. A small example is that everyone who wouldn't do their classwork properly would have to stand at the teacher's desk to do it. It was a form of humiliation but I secretly wanted to know what it felt like.

I love romances though. The idea of someone loving you and seeing you as the most beautiful person was everything to me. Someone who brings you out of your misery or someone who takes you far far away. But I also enjoyed being liked by everyone, teachers, parents, siblings and friends. I wanted everyone to believe I'm the best. That made me lie a lot, for convenience majorly. To get Outta trouble, to get false appreciation, to feel seen and wanted.

But I've always related or loved characters of villains, second leads, the comic relief, etc. I wanted to know more of the gray characters. I wanted to sympathize with every villain, feel for every anti-hero. That made me lie. It was easy, it made me happy and now it's a habit.

I lie continuously since childhood and present myself in situations where I appear to be the victim. Now I want to start therapy because I have kinda ruined my chances of having a good life. I'm troubled and I don't feel many emotions towards others like my family but then I cry when I see some stranger's sad news.

I have condensed it for brevity. Today my family asked me what I wanted to do in life. I can't think of one positive thing tbh. I want to gossip, lay in bed, stay in bed, eat and drink. I want acceptance but I'm judgmental. I lie, I believe in fiction to escape my reality, I don't think I trust anyone to like me 100% and I want people to like me. So I've built this persona around myself, the non-chalant, sarcastic, cool girl who doesn't care about societal standards. I don't think I've succeeded because at the end of the day, I've pushed everyone away and I'm still needy, over emotional, scared and a cry baby.

I can't show up daily to work, I'm financially dependent and I don't feel much for my family. Tbh, I feel like I want a new family but that's just me dreaming and blaming stuff on others. Like only if my mom did this, my dad did this, things wouldn't be the same, etc. I know I'm wrong.

But I accept it and just continue with it until another uncomfortable situation settles in. I don't try to better myself. It's like,"yes ik I'm a bad person." I always dream of criminal things like bank heists though my craving for validation from others won't let me even go through with that.

Idk if I can be honest to my therapist because honesty isn't one of my characteristics. I know I'm not a good person in the eyes of society and I do not want any sympathy. (Or maybe I do, I'm a liar remember?) But can I (at this stage, where I've almost ruined my career, my health, my chances at a loving relationship, friendships and family) be a better person? Can I actually stay consistent in positive things and work hard towards something good? And if yes, how? I struggle with consistency and working hard. I've never done those things except maybe in the grand scheme of leading myself to the gates of ruin. I hate being in uncomfortable situations and I would love to just stay in, inside a room, a washroom, a shell. So idk what to do.

I'm 27 and Indian. In my early childhood, I was extremely shy to the point that I kept my head down when we were out. I wouldn't speak to anyone or look at anyone. Many people thought I couldn't speak at all but at home I was a chatterbox. However, I enjoyed destroying things. Like one of the earliest things I remember was using knives to cut whenever my parents were not observing me or one day, I just remember cracking an egg on the floor because my baby brother had been reprimanded for doing the same before this.

I was, however, always scared. I still am. Of everything, anything, loneliness, company, family, friends, enemies, work, unemployment, poverty, not finding love, staying consistent, working hard, expressing my feelings. Therefore, I'd be the good girl. Do things like my parents and teachers wanted. I didn't want to be punished or questioned. But secretly I always thought about what it would feel like. A small example is that everyone who wouldn't do their classwork properly would have to stand at the teacher's desk to do it. It was a form of humiliation but I secretly wanted to know what it felt like.

I love romances though. The idea of someone loving you and seeing you as the most beautiful person was everything to me. Someone who brings you out of your misery or someone who takes you far far away. But I also enjoyed being liked by everyone, teachers, parents, siblings and friends. I wanted everyone to believe I'm the best. That made me lie a lot, for convenience majorly. To get Outta trouble, to get false appreciation, to feel seen and wanted.

But I've always related or loved characters of villains, second leads, the comic relief, etc. I wanted to know more of the gray characters. I wanted to sympathize with every villain, feel for every anti-hero. That made me lie. It was easy, it made me happy and now it's a habit.

I lie continuously since childhood and present myself in situations where I appear to be the victim. Now I want to start therapy because I have kinda ruined my chances of having a good life. I'm troubled and I don't feel many emotions towards others like my family but then I cry when I see some stranger's sad news.

I have condensed it for brevity. Today my family asked me what I wanted to do in life. I can't think of one positive thing tbh. I want to gossip, lay in bed, stay in bed, eat and drink. I want acceptance but I'm judgmental. I lie, I believe in fiction to escape my reality, I don't think I trust anyone to like me 100% and I want people to like me. So I've built this persona around myself, the non-chalant, sarcastic, cool girl who doesn't care about societal standards. I don't think I've succeeded because at the end of the day, I've pushed everyone away and I'm still needy, over emotional, scared and a cry baby.

I can't show up daily to work, I'm financially dependent and I don't feel much for my family. Tbh, I feel like I want a new family but that's just me dreaming and blaming stuff on others. Like only if my mom did this, my dad did this, things wouldn't be the same, etc. I know I'm wrong.

But I accept it and just continue with it until another uncomfortable situation settles in. I don't try to better myself. It's like,"yes ik I'm a bad person." I always dream of criminal things like bank heists though my craving for validation from others won't let me even do that.

Idk if I can be honest to my therapist because honesty isn't one of my characteristics. I know I'm not a good person in the eyes of society and I do not want any sympathy. (Or maybe I do, I'm a liar remember?) But can I (at this stage, where I've almost ruined my career, my health, my chances at a loving relationship, friendships and family) be a better person? Can I actually stay consistent in positive things and work hard towards something good? And if yes, how? I struggle with consistency and working hard. I've never done those things except maybe in the grand scheme of leading myself to the gates of ruin. I hate being in uncomfortable situations and I would love to just stay in, inside a room, a washroom, a shell. So idk what to do.

I'm 27 and Indian. In my early childhood, I was extremely shy to the point that I kept my head down when we were out. I wouldn't speak to anyone or look at anyone. Many people thought I couldn't speak at all but at home I was a chatterbox. However, I enjoyed destroying things. Like one of the earliest things I remember was using knives to cut whenever my parents were not observing me or one day, I just remember cracking an egg on the floor because my baby brother had been reprimanded for doing the same before this.

I was, however, always scared. I still am. Of everything, anything, loneliness, company, family, friends, enemies, work, unemployment, poverty, not finding love, staying consistent, working hard, expressing my feelings. Therefore, I'd be the good girl. Do things like my parents and teachers wanted. I didn't want to be punished or questioned. But secretly I always thought about what it would feel like. A small example is that everyone who wouldn't do their classwork properly would have to stand at the teacher's desk to do it. It was a form of humiliation but I secretly wanted to know what it felt like.

I love romances though. The idea of someone loving you and seeing you as the most beautiful person was everything to me. Someone who brings you out of your misery or someone who takes you far far away. But I also enjoyed being liked by everyone, teachers, parents, siblings and friends. I wanted everyone to believe I'm the best. That made me lie a lot, for convenience majorly. To get Outta trouble, to get false appreciation, to feel seen and wanted.

But I've always related or loved characters of villains, second leads, the comic relief, etc. I wanted to know more of the gray characters. I wanted to sympathize with every villain, feel for every anti-hero. That made me lie. It was easy, it made me happy and now it's a habit.

I lie continuously since childhood and present myself in situations where I appear to be the victim. Now I want to start therapy because I have kinda ruined my chances of having a good life. I'm troubled and I don't feel many emotions towards others like my family but then I cry when I see some stranger's sad news.

I have condensed it for brevity. Today my family asked me what I wanted to do in life. I can't think of one positive thing tbh. I want to gossip, lay in bed, stay in bed, eat and drink. I want acceptance but I'm judgmental. I lie, I believe in fiction to escape my reality, I don't think I trust anyone to like me 100% and I want people to like me. So I've built this persona around myself, the non-chalant, sarcastic, cool girl who doesn't care about societal standards. I don't think I've succeeded because at the end of the day, I've pushed everyone away and I'm still needy, over emotional, scared and a cry baby.

I can't show up daily to work, I'm financially dependent and I don't feel much for my family. Tbh, I feel like I want a new family but that's just me dreaming and blaming stuff on others. Like only if my mom did this, my dad did this, things wouldn't be the same, etc. I know I'm wrong.

But I accept it and just continue with it until another uncomfortable situation settles in. I don't try to better myself. It's like,"yes ik I'm a bad person." I always dream of criminal things like bank heists though my craving for validation from others won't let me even do that.

Idk if I can be honest to my therapist because honesty isn't one of my characteristics. I know I'm not a good person in the eyes of society and I do not want any sympathy. (Or maybe I do, I'm a liar remember?) But can I (at this stage, where I've almost ruined my career, my health, my chances at a loving relationship, friendships and family) be a better person? Can I actually stay consistent in positive things and work hard towards something good? And if yes, how? I struggle with consistency and working hard. I've never done those things except maybe in the grand scheme of leading myself to the gates of ruin. I hate being in uncomfortable situations and I would love to just stay in, inside a room, a washroom, a shell. So idk what to do.

I'm 27 and Indian. In my early childhood, I was extremely shy to the point that I kept my head down when we were out. I wouldn't speak to anyone or look at anyone. Many people thought I couldn't speak at all but at home I was a chatterbox. However, I enjoyed destroying things. Like one of the earliest things I remember was using knives to cut whenever my parents were not observing me or one day, I just remember cracking an egg on the floor because my baby brother had been reprimanded for doing the same before this.

I was, however, always scared. I still am. Of everything, anything, loneliness, company, family, friends, enemies, work, unemployment, poverty, not finding love, staying consistent, working hard, expressing my feelings. Therefore, I'd be the good girl. Do things like my parents and teachers wanted. I didn't want to be punished or questioned. But secretly I always thought about what it would feel like. A small example is that everyone who wouldn't do their classwork properly would have to stand at the teacher's desk to do it. It was a form of humiliation but I secretly wanted to know what it felt like.

I love romances though. The idea of someone loving you and seeing you as the most beautiful person was everything to me. Someone who brings you out of your misery or someone who takes you far far away. But I also enjoyed being liked by everyone, teachers, parents, siblings and friends. I wanted everyone to believe I'm the best. That made me lie a lot, for convenience majorly. To get Outta trouble, to get false appreciation, to feel seen and wanted.

But I've always related or loved characters of villains, second leads, the comic relief, etc. I wanted to know more of the gray characters. I wanted to sympathize with every villain, feel for every anti-hero. That made me lie. It was easy, it made me happy and now it's a habit.

I lie continuously since childhood and present myself in situations where I appear to be the victim. Now I want to start therapy because I have kinda ruined my chances of having a good life. I'm troubled and I don't feel many emotions towards others like my family but then I cry when I see some stranger's sad news.

I have condensed it for brevity. Today my family asked me what I wanted to do in life. I can't think of one positive thing tbh. I want to gossip, lay in bed, stay in bed, eat and drink. I want acceptance but I'm judgmental. I lie, I believe in fiction to escape my reality, I don't think I trust anyone to like me 100% and I want people to like me. So I've built this persona around myself, the non-chalant, sarcastic, cool girl who doesn't care about societal standards. I don't think I've succeeded because at the end of the day, I've pushed everyone away and I'm still needy, over emotional, scared and a cry baby.

I can't show up daily to work, I'm financially dependent and I don't feel much for my family. Tbh, I feel like I want a new family but that's just me dreaming and blaming stuff on others. Like only if my mom did this, my dad did this, things wouldn't be the same, etc. I know I'm wrong.

But I accept it and just continue with it until another uncomfortable situation settles in. I don't try to better myself. It's like,"yes ik I'm a bad person." I always dream of criminal things like bank heists though my craving for validation from others won't let me even do that.

Idk if I can be honest to my therapist because honesty isn't one of my characteristics. I know I'm not a good person in the eyes of society and I do not want any sympathy. (Or maybe I do, I'm a liar remember?) But can I (at this stage, where I've almost ruined my career, my health, my chances at a loving relationship, friendships and family) be a better person? Can I actually stay consistent in positive things and work hard towards something good? And if yes, how? I struggle with consistency and working hard. I've never done those things except maybe in the grand scheme of leading myself to the gates of ruin. I hate being in uncomfortable situations and I would love to just stay in, inside a room, a washroom, a shell. So idk what to do.

Please tell me! I just saw some edits on Instagram and remembered how badly I have been waiting for it! When is it SPRING in Korea? I hope the author is doing well physically, mentally, socially, financially and emotionally. BECAUSE I'M NOT!