u/Careful_Week_4130

I'm dumb. I never took education seriously.. in fact, how did I even graduate middle school and become a freshman. I'm emotionally immature some say, I always let my emotions dictate how I feel, even though growing up I never had someone to teach me those skills and was taught to ignore insults, remarks,comments about me or what makes me, me... I guess.

I dunno what I should do... I owe my High school.. $730 dollars in missing computers, they call me irresponsible, even though I've been searching for them ever since and tried my hardest to take care of them. I'm missing assignments from last term and this term. I've attempted s*icide.. 4 times, still haven't gotten help though. My president is a f*cking screwup, tbh, like you really had to start a war with another country.. meanwhile your own country is struggling.

I'm having so much trouble looking for a job in the city. Not to mention I kind of get nervous when talking to the employees through the phone and asking them if there's any open positions. So I usually just stick to Indeed and Glassdoor, the problem with those two are.. I got banned for being a minor, apparently you have to be 16 years old or older than that to have an account on Indeed. Even though I was still using it at 13 years old. Weird, right?.

Hi, just wanted to share my home-life with you all since this is a subreddit for venting out your frustration.

So.. life at home isn't going great...

I cursed my Grandma out yesterday because she wanted to tell me something or get my attention. In my defense, she grabbed me really unexpectedly after I came out of the shower, in a literal towel, and she's a bit verbally abusive. She's said somethings in the past that hurt me, so I never really feel safe around her...

Long story short, I freaked out, my Dad lectured me and said "I can't handle you anymore" and how even though my Grandma is well, herself, that she's still my Grandma and cares about me. Even though what she says to me is rude and just cruel. I'm not fully convinced a person who truly cares about me would say that I'm a "fuck-up" and pre-judges me even though she cooks food for me and my siblings and gave us a place to stay.

After that whole fiasco... It was finally Saturday, the day of my friend's family member's wedding. I was so excited I wished time flew quicker so that I could have fun and party with my friend at the wedding. But only one hour before 6pm, when I asked my Grandma for the keys to her car because my Dad broke his own car doing something I can't recall- she said "No" and told me she didn't care, to get out of her face. I was.. devastated.

I freaked out again, this time it was worse, I was full-on crying and screaming. Holding onto my bedsheets and yelling angrily meanwhile my sister tried to ask me what was wrong, I was just so pissed, I yelled "She always does this to me!", I threw my phone on the ground. My father came in, asking me what was wrong, I didn't respond, he got mad and started to yell at me saying "you need to see the logic behind this". The only words I came remember him saying was "That's it. I can't deal with her bullsh*t anymore" before he slammed my bedroom door shut and went downstairs, throwing objects to the ground and grunting I assume. I cried because he told my sister, she tried to calm him down, that I was going to live with my mother. My mother, btw, is a nightmare of a person.. only cares about herself, will hit me, and abuse the sh*t out of me without a single care. I just.. couldn't speak, the man who said he loved me unconditionally, was going to send me away to live with that.. woman, because of my attitude?. I get it. Me and my father are very distant, relationship wise, and you could say I've not been a very good daughter to him.. I always ignore him, am very ungrateful and in his words "treat him like he doesn't exist to me". But why..? Why?. Why would you ever suggest that?. That I should live with that.. piece of sh*t. He reminds me of my Grandma, honestly, she rarely suggested leaving me in the hands of some abuser so that I could "feel what love truly felt like".

I hate this family. I hate this place. I wish I could just leave, vanish, disappear. But there's no hope for me. I'm only 15 years old and stuck here... with my dad and my grandma.

I'll post here about my relationship with my father if you all need a bit more context. But thats mainly it. See you.

I just wanted to ask the entire subreddit this question because it's really been on my mind for quite some time now. But.. how do you keep doing the things you love and want while being depressed?. I'm saying this because Summer break is around the corner and I would really like to go outside and practice my hobbies finally but it's just my depression keeps anchoring me in place and I feel so, so very stuck.

Favorite characters from Alien Stage: Hyuna and Mizi

Favorite cover song from Alien Stage's soundtrack: 'Ruler of My Heart' with Sua and Mizi.

Favorite characters from Hetalia: Ivan, Lovino, Feliciano, nyo!Feliciano,nyo!Ivan,Antonio, Francis, Kiku, Gilbert, Arthur, Yáo, and Alfred. (Phew...).

I'm also into Scenecore,Cutecore,Weirdcore👁, FairyKei, DecoraKei, and many other subcultures.

I'm involved in many other fandoms and hobbies like:

🌸: Kandi making

🌸: Cosplay/making Cosplay props

🌸: Fran Bow

🌸: Learning about different cultures, languages, and countries

🌸: Drawing both on digital and paper

🌸: Reading occasionally

🌸: Learning how to play my Lyre, I haven't tried it yet!!!.

🌸: Needy Streamer Overload

🌸: Steven Universe

🌸: TAWOGB

🌸: Devil May Cry

🌸: Listening to all different types of music genres

🌸[ The list goes on tbh.. but um I really can't seem to remember all of them, lol. Also, some of the hobbies I listed above I don't really do as frequently as you may think because of School and many other things.]