r/jobs

Heres the full story

I started working a dishwashing job at one of the local restaurants in my town. I haven't worked this job for long but in the very first week of being hired I made it very clear that in 2 months I would be unavailable for one weekend.

I went over the dates with my manager and the cooks so they would be aware of my absence. My manager said it was completely fine since I notified them months in advance.

The weekend rolls around (I was gone Fri-Sun)

and I call in Friday around 2PM to double check that they're aware and they confirm this.

On Monday afternoon I get a text from my boss saying that they are going to have to let me go because I didn't show up Friday.

I explained to her that the manager verified it and that it was on the calendar, which she denied at first.

About a day later she texted me saying that I can continue working my shifts as usual as it was proven to be a miscommunication.

After this, I checked my scheduled shifts and my hours have been cut more than half. I was working roughly 15-20 hours each week and now I only have 5 hours scheduled for the next few months.

Are they trying to make me quit? They have said my performance is great and have little to no critique.

I just got let go from my SWE job and I’m honestly still trying to process it.

I was there about 3 years. Recently got put on a PIP, which caught me off guard because my manager had been telling me I was doing fine up until that point. I’m not saying I was perfect, I definitely had areas I could’ve been better in and I tried my best to get on top of them while I was on the PIP, but the whole thing escalated really fast and then I was out.

Now I’m sitting here wondering how much this screws me going forward.

How do I even explain this in interviews without it sounding like I’m making excuses? Is “it wasn’t a good fit” enough, or do people see right through that?

Also, realistically, how much does getting fired for performance hurt my chances of getting another SWE job? I’m worried this is going to follow me around more than I expect.

I don’t feel like I’m incapable of doing the work, but clearly something didn’t click where I was.

If anyone’s been through something similar and came out the other side, I’d really appreciate hearing how you handled it.

My company recently laid off about 30% of our department. They cited "AI integration" and "restructuring." Management called me into a room, shook my hand, and told me my expertise is exactly what they need to navigate this new era.

I walked out feeling relieved. I actually felt like I had won.

A month later, reality hit. I am now doing the work of the three people they fired. I’m essentially acting as the "human API," silently fixing the hallucinations and errors of the very software that was supposed to make us infinitely productive.

When I finally approached my manager, presented the math of my doubled output, and asked for a title change or compensation adjustment, they didn't say no. Instead, they weaponized the macroeconomic fear perfectly.

My boss looked at me and said, "You know, with the recent layoffs in the industry and AI taking over so many roles, you should really be grateful to have such a secure position right now."

It hit me like a truck. This is the Gratitude Trap.

They didn't keep me because I beat the system. They kept me because replacing a load-bearing employee who knows how the legacy systems actually work is an operational nightmare. But it is financially profitable for them to make me terrified of losing them. They are outsourcing the company's anxiety onto my nervous system.

Because I have a "fixer mentality" and actually care about the quality of the work, I keep catching the system before it fails. I’m paying an "integrity tax."

Has anyone else experienced this recently? How do you mentally drop the shovel and stop subsidizing their incompetence with your unpaid sanity?

I am desperate to leave my current job and I must have put in upwards of 10 applications in the last three weeks… no luck so far.

This is not something I usually post, and I do not even know if this is the right place to ask, but I need confirmation that I am not losing my mind here.

I had an argument with my manager right as my shift ended. I was literally in the middle of leaving when he stopped me, which annoyed me even more because at that point he was wasting my time, not company time.

Earlier that day, the coworker in question asked me for a lift home. I said no. The simple reason is that I do not like him. I am 25, I am grown, but I will admit I'm not grown enough to let shit go and can still be petty when someone repeatedly does snake-like stuff and is a lick ass. This guy is the type to act like your best mate one day, then report you the next for being in the toilet for five minutes. He has done other things as well, but the point is I do not like him, and I have made that clear. He knows it, everyone at work knows it, end of story.

My guess is that because he was standing next to the manager when I was stopped on my way out, he had gone crying to him about it and tried to get him to force me into giving him a lift.

The manager is known for abusing what little power he has. He makes things up on the spot and has a way of making it clear he can make your job harder without directly saying it.

This manager also does not like me, and I am 99% sure it is because of a woman we work with. We have worked together for about four years, get on well, have good banter, and it is one of those typical “work wife” situations. She is way out of my league, I think that's why she's comfortable with how we talk to eachother but this guy has obviously heard how we talk and thinks he can talk like that to her too and when she basically says no he does the most crybaby shit and goes "But you let him say things like this so why can't i?" With that said He is not the first guy to try it with her, but he is the first manager to do it. He is always finding excuses to pull her away with “I need your help with something” just so he can spend time with her. She has told me herself that she does not like him and knows exactly what he is doing. I honestly would not put it past him to cross boundaries if he thought he could get away with it, he just doesn't seem to know how to take a hint or he simply doesn't care.

So with all of that irrelevant character description in mind😂, what I want to know is this: can a manager actually force me to give a coworker a lift home, especially after my shift has ended? And what should I do going forward?

For the record, I did not give him a lift. The woman I mentioned saw it starting to escalate and said she would just take him instead. Even after that, the manager kept going and said, “Next time I ask you to do something, you do it, or you’re gone!”

That is where my age showed a bit because I had to get the last word. I told him, “Next time you ask me to do something, make sure it is actually in my fucking contract, or the one who will be gone is you when I take it higher!” I also told him he was paying me for the five minutes of my life he had just wasted with his little power trip.

This happened today which is Friday as I type this so I'm just trying to prepare myself for Monday.

I’ll start by saying I have a healthy and realistic sense of self. This isn’t about low self-esteem, self-worth and isn’t a pity party. I’m a realist. For several different reasons, after 40+ years of “Work” being necessary for the income and fortunately has been a rewarding and fulfilling career, I’ve recently spent time reflecting on the shift which has occurred.

When longer sleeves and higher necklines are necessary to cover spotted/wrinkled/crepey skin.

When classic styles rather than trendy fresh looks becomes the norm and ‘roomier’ clothes are more flattering than anything form fitting or waist defining. I need camouflage.

When makeup, hair color and the brightest white teeth start to look odd, not age-appropriate and only hyper-defines the fact that you’re fighting aging. And losing. Like you’re in denial and trying too dang hard. So you back it down some, but not too far, otherwise you’ll feel like you’ve just completely given up trying altogether.

When your metabolism slows down and your body shape changes – no one talks about the shapewear that usually rolls up or down and flattens everything in its path EXCEPT the muffin top or the recent bulge in the diaphragm area you wanted to smooth out a bit. The curves I have are no longer where they belong. Too thin is bad too, as it makes one either look like a deflated balloon, ill or a frail brittle twig. I exercise – not like an obsessed nutjob, but I do make the effort.

My pelvic floor and bladder are probably my most taut muscle groups and the only time I get to show them off are when I laugh or sneeze with complete confidence. If that sounds a little braggy, so be it.

My appearance is neat and clean. I shower, use deodorant, brush and floss daily and use perfume sparingly. I see the hairdresser every 5 to 6 weeks so I don’t look too shaggy between cuts. The natural thinning of the hair is a daily battle fought with miracle shampoos, a teasing lift comb and careful inspection that no scalp is visible in the back. My nails are clean and trimmed, and I am fully aware that no one believes those spots on the back of my hands are precious little sun kissed freckles. My clothes are laundered or dry cleaned regularly. Rule of Thumb: If it touches cracks, pits or smelly bits – ONE USE ONLY before laundering. Otherwise, I may wear an outfit more than once before sending it to the cleaner. However, if it’s summertime and I felt swampy at any point, have spills or spots - it gets washed or sent to be cleaned. I don’t think I have that ‘old person’ mothball smell. Yet.

When flats and block style heels are mandatory for both your feet and your back.

When after sitting for too long, you carefully stand to stretch and walk around, hoping you don’t groan out loud or have a visible limp.

I’m healthy. No cankles yet. I have all my teeth. No dandruff or flaky stuff. A daily inspection is made with a 10x magnification mirror for post-menopausal chin hairs using surgical tweezers. (Calling them whiskers makes me feel queasy.) Note to the guys: check your nose, ears and eyebrows for the long wiry hairs. People notice and you should, too. The eyes aren’t what they used to be, so yes, I have bifocals. I’m not overly vain - I figure wearing glasses is better than squinting and/or not being able to see, which are even more age defining.

The only people who ever refer to me as ‘cute’ anymore are other ladies of a certain age (who for the most part aren’t cute, either). I’m pretty. Pretty invisible and pretty likely to stay that way. And that’s okay. On the plus side, I’m not fearful of being abducted other than for ransom purposes. And the joke will be on them because my hubs probably wouldn’t pay. 

*******************************

All that aside, exactly when did I hit the peak of my career and start sliding into inconsequential and irrelevant? An overripe banana. When did one of the most experienced, qualified people in the room with the most knowledge to impart to the younger ones become the same person the younger ones assume has diminished capabilities? The ones who send Teams messages that are a baby step away from sounding contemptuous. Who assume I don’t have the ability, initiative or drive to learn new things and should be largely disregarded. That I can’t embrace technology or … wait for it … A.I.  Seriously. I can and do. I use all of the tools to make the job easier. However, I don’t have to rely on A.I. or an app to string a simple sentence together. I can express myself perfectly fine *and in cursive* if I choose to. (Yep, an old school superpower.) 

I’ve always believed if you aren’t learning, doing new things and growing then alternatively, you’re stagnating and dying on the ‘work vine’ a little each day.  Sure, change can be hard, but its necessary.

When you’d LOVE a career change but feel stuck because most employers are mentally calculating your “Use By” date. When you’re getting closer to the traditional retirement age, but still have the drive, desire and energy to produce, contribute, earn. When did the freshness date of an employee, still years away from expiring, become the rubric for deciding if the employer's return on investment makes sense?  

When listing my current employment of 25+ years on my resume isn’t interpreted as stable and employable – but it does give an age estimate. Say what you will – but those resumes get pushed to the ‘maybe if we get desperate’ pile quickly. Only slightly higher in the pile than the poorly written resume from someone with zero work history who touts their ‘ability to make people laugh’ as one of their highly desirable and finely honed skills.

When the employers themselves are of a certain age but want the image and vibe of the company to be one of youth and vitality and tech and A.I. Sigh. 

In addition to the years of knowledge and experience, at what point did the basic employment tenets of: show up for work AND ON TIME every day (another rant for another day); be professional, polite, dependable and trustworthy; take some initiative, be ambitious, have integrity and take pride in your work become so ... unnecessary? Are those ingrained behaviors the very things that make me ‘old’?  When did the shift occur from being a valuable asset to being an inconspicuous workhorse that will eventually fade away without making anyone else feel uncomfortable?

The truth of it is I could literally die at my desk and before my body is hauled off to the morgue, they’ll be on the hunt for my replacement. I soothe my ego (translation = kid myself) believing it’ll take more than one person to replace me, and the transition will be extremely difficult. Ha.

Life is a continuing cycle of seasons. It’s hard to accept the "Work" that once gave you purpose and was a defining part of who you are is also season. And it will pass. Winter is coming.

Thanks for the vent. And for being able to tick 'published' off the bucket list (even if it's self-published on Reddit, lol).

Would love to hear your thoughts and/or personal experience.

I feel like I don't know what I am doing and I am way over my head. I am scared of everyone finding out I can't do anything and being fired.

For context, I'm 19 and have a career in IT. I had a 3 months-long internship. I knew the manager that agreed to take me on the team through a volunteering program. I did okay then, but they didn't give me all that much stuff to do in the first place. After the end of my internship, my manager said that, should I ever wish to be hired permanently, she'll be glad to have me.

Well, I wanted to. And she told me my colleagues were happy to hear I've come back permanently as well. I am a Junior dev now. They've made me responsible for a very complicated system - but it's nothing I've ever worked with before. I was not familiar with anything of its current 'tech stack'. I'm seeing everything for the first time. I am so so lost.

It's been another 3 months. Now whenever my team lead asks me questions related to my work, I barely know what to answer. I am struggling a lot with my daily tasks - I've managed to do them so far. But it feels like it's becoming harder and harder to hide what I don't know. I feel so...slow.

I am really scared of not being able to manage it, and getting fired - I love and need my job.

Moved to a LCOL area and took a pay cut to buy a fixer-upper from a family friend. The finances were too good to pass up. I was never going to afford a house where I lived, even with my higher pay. Over 2 years, I repaired this place and then the HVAC system died just last week, after I put it on the market. It's 20 years old, so it will have to be fully replaced to modern refrigerant. I have some savings, but not that kind of fuck you money, so window units it is. Now I have to do an as-is sale, which ate into my equity, and my job lost a big contract through no fault of my own, but I am the one who gets laid off. Nobody is buying out here anymore since everything has gone apeshit in the last 5 months. And there are no other jobs out here, you guys. I'm low key panicking. Like...what's the fucking point anymore? I'm stuck in a house I can no longer afford, in a place I HATE because I thought selling this house was my ticket out of here. I wish I could go back in time and choke myself in utero 😭

I have been turned down from every job, because I am either overqualified or don't have enough transferrable skills in their eyes. So here I am, with 2 degrees and decades of experience, being rejected from goddamn Burger King. It's 2008 all over again. I don't think I have another economic collapse in me, y'all.

I don’t see a way out I’ve gotten no hits back in months! I’ve never experienced this before and i just don’t see a good way to even deal with it anymore …

Currently employed. Been doing what I do for some time in financial services. Looking for something different to do or a change of scenery. The job market is terrible and I feel stuck. There’s reasons I’m in need of change. What do yall do to keep your head up?

Seeing this come up a lot lately, both in conversations with peers and online. Instead of announcing layoffs, companies seem to be squeezing people out gradually. Workload dries up, you start getting vague feedback about "areas of growth," then you're placed on a PIP with goals that feel designed to be missed. A few weeks later you're either resigning or getting terminated for "performance." No severance, no announcement. Headcount shrinks and nobody outside HR notices.

A Zety survey from late 2025 found about three quarters of employees believe they've experienced some form of this. BambooHR found that a quarter of C-level execs straight up admitted they hope return to office mandates push people to quit voluntarily.

There have been reports of large firms reclassifying obvious layoffs as performance separations. I've seen at least one account of someone trying to figure out if they even qualify for unemployment because their employer tagged it as a discharge rather than a layoff.

The whole setup shifts the cost from the company to the individual. No severance, messy unemployment claims, and a termination framing that follows you around.

I’ve been holding this in for a while, so just needed to let it out.

It’s been 6 months since I got laid off, and I still haven’t been able to find a job. I’ve been trying really hard, but I honestly don’t understand what’s going wrong.

Twice, I cleared all interview rounds… and still didn’t get the offer. That has really shaken my confidence.

Lately, I don’t feel like myself. I can’t focus enough to read, write, or even prepare properly. I don’t feel like talking to anyone just putting on a forced smile and getting through the day.

For the past 6 months, it feels like I’ve just been hustling without direction. And now I’m at a point where I don’t even feel like trying anymore… just hoping for some miracle to happen.

Being financially unstable, living alone in a different city with no savings.. it’s scary. I want to prepare for interviews, I know I should… but I’m just too exhausted.

I feel stuck, tired, and honestly… a bit hopeless.