u/Candid-Astronomer904

I'm a 40F and I've largely given up on dating. I completely gave up on online dating too and am no longer on the apps. I hardly got matches, and when I did these guys were either total creeps, or just not interested in me as a person (they'd talk about themselves a lot or just not ask questions). Now I remain open to the prospect of dating IRL but just go about my life as well. I'm in graduate school, so life is quite busy for me anyway. If I see a guy who I find attractive, we mainly talk about things that are related to our school work/project. I've noticed, no man in my whole life has come up to me, or even asked questions about me because they're genuinely curious about me outside the scope of school or work.

For example, and this applies to men who I know are single: I am working on a project with a 40sM also in grad school, and he seems generally pretty warm but he doesn't ask me questions outside the scope of the project, or even exchange numbers. I gave him mine "just in case" and he didn't reciprocate. Or once he signed off in his email from a different city he was traveling to, and I mentioned about that city and was curious, and he didn't acknowledge.

I try to be receptive and open and, more importantly, myself. I'm now drawing this conclusion, that It just feels like who I am is not what people want beyond just a friendly interaction. I'm not preferred and other women who maybe wear more makeup, or dress a certain way, or look a certain way get to be with someone. or even act sort of aloof, or mean even.

Hi all, I take medication daily (just Abilify for now), and yet I still feel my depression takes over. Before I was diagnosed after hospitalization many years ago, I felt I was enough, and worthy of whatever came my way either career-wise, relationship-wise, etc.. But once the depression hit, I feel it changed me.

Silly q, but is this feeling of overall worthlessness typical of bipolar depression? If so, maybe I need to have an add on antidepressant to my med. I tried DBT, CBT, ACT, and it works in acute situations but long-term I still feel depressed.

Hi all, I've had this diagnosis for about 15 years, and I've had some friends come in and out of my life. I've currently got a friend who is there for me but she doesn't read up on or care to know more about bipolar disorder. Is that a red flag?

Or is it a tall order for your closer friends to know about how you function? My family does (they are doctors too so makes sense for them to want to research). I'd just feel more seen if people close to me knew on lay terms how my bipolar illness affects me.

Thoughts on this?

I'm a 40F, South Asian American, and the other day I was out with a female friend who's non-white. I told her lately I've been liking white men (the last 3 guys I dated or were interested in are white). I don't actively seek them out and put filters for white men on OLD or anything haha, but I do for some reason have some white men in my orbit. I am also a graduate student. The demographics at my institution are mostly Asian, Latino, and white.

She thought, hmm, could this be internalized racism I experience? That I go for these white guys lately? At first I thought that was kind of bogus because I've also dated primarily E. Asian, S. Asian in my 20s prior to grad school, less Latino or Black (but a few), but it makes me wonder about this.

I met these men primarily through OLD at the time. I also come from a family that's pretty progressive, and as long as he is good to me, matches with me intellectually, morally, etc., and has a decent job it's all good.

But lately, I find this one white guy I am in school with (he's in a similar field to me) kind of cute and that scares me the more I think about it. Any other women (particularly POC) experience this?

Edit: I'd like to make this a safe CONSTRUCTIVE space to comment.

This is rare for women maybe, but I'm a 40F and I've always either been caught in the the friendly area with guys I've liked, or I've dated guys online who ghosted me or criticized me.

For example: guys who I met online through apps told me 1. "you're not fun enough" (after 8 dates) 2. "you're too much" 3. "you don't let me feel vulnerable for fear I'll be judged." Or they just ghost me.

Like currently there's this guy (late 40sM) I've known since last semester, we took a professional development class together (we're in grad school but in different departments). I'm working on a new creative project and I essentially asked if he knew names of people to be on board for this. he wound up volunteering himself and said he was excited to work on this with me.

Initially I thought, great! And his work portfolio looked promising. And his kindness is kind of alluring. He always does these email sign-offs from every city he's traveling to for work, is super supportive of my vision and encouraging of my work ethic. I gave a performance recently (I'm a musician) and he thought it was so great and said specifically what he liked about it, and said "hope you rest up well!" post performance.

But if he truly liked me more than a friend, or were intrigued by me, I think he'd ask me out, or it'd be more obvious. I've been once burned twice shy by douchey men so I'm not sure if this guy is just being really nice or more than that.

I mean I guess if he just wanted to be friends, it's not a bad thing inherently, because it's good to have platonic male friends who are supportive like this. Not many men are like this I feel, at least from my experience.

So I'm wondering how i can get out of this in his mind or anyone's mind. I know I'm at an age in which I should really stop giving f***s and just live my life. I try, but sometimes I fall for guys like this. It's sad, lol. Like is there anything I say or do?

Hello all, I've already seen a few posts about Vraylar but they're a little old. So what is the consensus on Vraylar as monotherapy (just on Vraylar and no other medication)? I am currently on Abilify monotherapy, and I have tried various combinations and permutations of Abilify with SSRIs, or Lamictal, etc. since my diagnosis 15 years ago. The add-ons weren't all that effective, so I've been suggested Vraylar. I'm seeing my doctor next week, but just wondering what you all think of it.

I just want to be myself, and feel more motivation again. On just Abilify I'm almost constantly depressed. I don't feel the manic symptoms anymore, but the depression won't go away, no matter what I do. Like I learned DBT, CBT, ACT therapies but they only work so much. I do get sleep, attempt self-care as often as possible. Right now, I just feel I'm surviving just above water, and not thriving, so-to-speak.

Edit: I have a good insurance right now through my employer (university), but it will run out in 2027. 😞 But I will try to have insurance after I graduate from grad school.

I'm a 40F who got ghosted by a guy who dated me for 3 months (met him on Hinge) in 2025. yes that wasn't very long, but it was a very intense experience. Red flag. And in retrospect, after the emotions over being rejected this way died down, I saw all the other red flags. And they were glaring.

So my advice to you (and to myself) going forward: date with eyes wide open. Actions speak louder than words. When something gives you the ick, or a red flag feeling, don't discount that feeling, especially early on.

And keep loving yourself, and putting your needs and yourself first. You're a gem. I didn't do that or feel that while dating him, I gave up my schedule for this guy, and mostly served his needs. Bad for me.

Lastly, trust and vulnerability must be earned, not freely given.

Hoping we can meet our other halves, who treat us with respect, kindness, and unconditional love. And know how to healthily communicate!

Edit: I'm not saying it's your fault they ghosted and you should have dated differently. Not at all. They were total cowards and ghosted, and that's a them thing. But there might have also been some red flags about them that showed their hand early on. At least that was the case for me.

I think nowadays that there got to be better people out there. And I'm worthy of a healthy partnership.