When a woman gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when a guy orders a 240 volt Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collecting tray, together with optional built-in realistic orgasm scream 7.1 sound system, he's called a pervert.
I agreed. When I was done she thanked me. I said "no problem. The pleasure was all mine."
So I agreed. When I was finished she thanked me. I said "no problem. The pleasure was all mine."
On the third hole the guy slices it badly. He goes to the ball and pulls out a 9 iron.
“What are you doing?” his wife asks.
The guy says “I’m going to chip the ball back onto the fairway and continue my round.”
His wife says “No, No, No…look over there. See that barn? The doors on both ends are wide open and if you look through it you can see the green. If you keep the ball low, you can hit it through the doors and land on the green.”
So the guy takes out his 3-iron, lines it up and hits it low. However, the ball just misses the opening, hits the doorjamb and ricochets back, hitting his wife in the head, killing her instantly.
A few weeks go by and the guy is on the same golf course with his buddy. Once again on the 3rd hole he slices it and it goes to the same spot. He grabs his 9 iron when his buddy yells to him. "what are you doing?”
The guy replies “I’m going to chip back onto the fairway and continue my round”
His friend says “No, No, No…look over there. See that barn? The doors on both ends are wide open and if you look through it you can see the green.”
The guy replies "fuck that. The last time I tried that shot I got a triple bogey."
I told him it was dangerous but it just went in one ear and out the other.
I warned him it was dangerous but it just went in one ear and out the other.
So I went out and got her an identical dog.
She scowled at me and said "wtf am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
The first woman reaches into her purse, takes out a pill and swallows it.
"What was that?" the other two ask.
"It was a vitamin C pill. I take one each day because I want my baby to be healthy and germ free."
They go back to their knitting when the second woman reaches into her purse, takes out a pill and swallows it.
"What was that?" the other two ask.
"It was a vitamin E pill. I take one each day because I want my baby to be big and strong."
They go back to their knitting when the third woman reaches into her purse, takes out a pill and swallows it.
"What was that?" the other two ask.
"It was a thalidomide. I just can't seem to get the arms right on this sweater."
He tells her to go for a few tests and come back in a week. When she returns he looks at the blood test and xrays and says "oh look at that. In about 9 months you'll be sitting at home changing diapers."
Shocked, the woman says "I'm pregnant?"
"No," the doctor replies, "you have stomach cancer."
It was a fanta sea.