u/Aromatic_Report_4677

so I (17m) hurt my gf (18f). it's been very rough for these past 3 weeks. I feel so guilty, but I know this guilt won't fix anything. we're barely texting and it hurts. knowing that I hurt someone so much to the point where they refuse opening up to me pains me so much. what adds to this is that she was there for me when sth really bad happened. she tried her best to calm me down and to keep me stable. she even offered to call me yesterday but I refused. she's an amazing woman, and I screw her over in such a treacherous way. I did this because I felt ashamed of what I did and felt like I didn't deserve her support/affection. I feel like I dont deserve love anymore. it would really be helpful if someone can help me figure out a way to help her too because she feels horrible :( I love her so much, but idk what to do. my DMs are open if u want to discuss things w me.

so I (17m) have a problem with hiding things. it's affecting my relationship, and that rly bothers me.

the reason why I hide things is because I think it'll protect everything. I know it's wrong. I know it's horrible. I've reflected a little, and I realized it's a defense mechanism. when I was a kid, my parents would flip whenever I'd tell them anything that happened to me at skl. they would often say that I deserve it, especially whenever teachers or my peers at skl picked on me (I wont go into details but it got pretty bad).

what's sad is that the person I love most is being affected by this now; she (18f) is amazing, and I love her with all my heart. she loves me too. she found out that I hid some things, and we argued but worked through it. unfortunately, the feeling of being lied to unexpected still hurts her :( I dont want her to constantly be on edge because of my childhood “defense mechanism”. according to her, I treat her rly well, but this flaw of mine is sth she hates. I want to be better for her, and I dont want her to be hurt anymore by me. I hate this side of me. I love her so much and I want to improve desperately.

so how can I unlearn this behaviour? I dont have access to therapy atm unfortunately. any advice is welcome. thanks

so I (18m) have a problem with hiding things. it's affecting my relationship, and that rly bothers me.

the reason why I hide things is because I think it'll protect everything. I know it's wrong. I know it's horrible. I've reflected a little, and I realized it's a defense mechanism. when I was a kid, my parents would flip whenever I'd tell them anything that happened to me at skl. they would often say that I deserve it, especially whenever teachers or my peers at skl picked on me (I wont go into details but it got pretty bad).

what's sad is that the person I love most is being affected by this now; she (19f) is amazing, and I love her with all my heart. she loves me too. she found out that I hid some things, and we argued but worked through it. unfortunately, the feeling of being lied to unexpected still hurts her :( I dont want her to constantly be on edge because of my childhood “defense mechanism”. according to her, I treat her rly well, but this flaw of mine is sth she hates. I want to be better for her, and I dont want her to be hurt anymore by me. I hate this side of me. I love her so much and I want to improve desperately.

so how can I unlearn this behaviour? I dont have access to therapy atm unfortunately. any advice is welcome. thanks

so I (17m) have a problem with hiding things. it's affecting my relationship, and that rly bothers me.

the reason why I hide things is because I think it'll protect everything. I know it's wrong. I know it's horrible. I've reflected a little, and I realized it's a defense mechanism. when I was a kid, my dad would flip whenever I'd tell him anything that happened to me at skl. he would often say that I deserve it, especially whenever teachers or my peers at skl picked on me (I wont go into details but it got pretty bad).

what's sad is that the person I love most is being affected by this now; she is amazing, and I love her with all my heart. she loves me too. she found out that I hid some things, and we argued but worked through it. I dont want her to constantly be on edge because of my childhood problems. according to her, I treat her rly well, but this flaw of mine is sth she hates.

so how can I unlearn this behaviour? I dont have access to therapy atm unfortunately. any advice is welcome. thanks

so I (17m) have a problem with hiding things. it's affecting my relationship, and that rly bothers me.

the reason why I hide things is because I think it'll protect everything. I know it's wrong. I know it's horrible. I've reflected a little, and I realized it's a defense mechanism. when I was a kid, my parents would flip whenever I'd tell them anything that happened to me at skl. they would often say that I deserve it, especially whenever teachers or my peers at skl picked on me (I wont go into details but it got pretty bad).

what's sad is that the person I love most is being affected by this now; she is amazing, and I love her with all my heart. she loves me too. she found out that I hid some things, and we argued but worked through it. unfortunately, the feeling of being lied to unexpected still hurts her :( I dont want her to constantly be on edge because of my childhood “defense mechanism”. according to her, I treat her rly well, but this flaw of mine is sth she hates. I want to be better for her, and I dont want her to be hurt anymore by me. I hate this side of me. I love her so much and I want to improve desperately.

so how can I unlearn this behaviour? I dont have access to therapy atm unfortunately. any advice is welcome. thanks