u/Antique-Specific5624

Hi all. This is my first post here and I'm looking for some advice. I'm a 42/M, father of 5, and working full time in a demanding corporate job.

I've been struggling with finding a strength and conditioning program that suits my lifestyle and goals. I'm an ex rugby player so I've always trained, and I've trained with kettlebells extensively too. I attended Steve Cotter's IKFF course several years ago. But as I've got older, I've gained belly fat, joint pain, and decreased flexibility. Despite that, I've still maintained a certain degree of "old man strength."

I own a pair of 24kgs and a pair of 16kgs. I'm 182cm tall and currently weigh 105kg. At my fittest, I was weighing in about 95kg so I'd like to drop some weight but also add some more muscle definition / size. I also train BJJ once to twice per week so having crossover impact to grappling would be great too.

At the moment, I'm trying to decide between DFW, The Giant, and ROP.

Any advice and results from following these programs within similar lifestyle constraints would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

I’m in the process of separating from my partner after a long-term blended family relationship and would appreciate outside perspectives.

We share a young child (BS3). My partner also has two older daughters (SD17 and SD18) whpo live with us 100% of the time. I have two children from my previous marriage who are with us 40% of the time (BD9 and BS12).

Over several years, there have been ongoing and unresolved conflicts around household expectations, cleanliness, responsibility, and parenting standards.

I’ve consistently struggled with what I perceive as a lack of structure and follow-through around expectations for SD17 and SD18 (e.g. hygiene, mess, general responsibility). My partner often sees these issues through a more flexible/emotional lens, whereas I tend to see them as basic standards of living in a shared home. Just to be clear, this goes far beyond hygiene and cleanliness, it involves some pretty outrageous and dangerous behaviours over the years and a total refusal to grow up, accept some responsibility, and move into adulthood gradually.

This has created a repeating cycle:

• I raise concerns
• She feels criticised or disagrees with severity
• Little changes long-term
• Resentment builds on my side
• Conflicts repeat

Over time I’ve become increasingly emotionally exhausted and have reached a point where I no longer feel I can live in the environment. I do not feel attracted to or emotionally connected in the relationship anymore and feel primarily driven by exhaustion and stress.

We are now separating and arranging 50/50 custody of BS3, but I’m struggling with whether this is primarily:

• incompatibility in blended family expectations, or
• something I should have handled differently emotionally

Would appreciate perspectives from anyone who has been through blended family breakdowns or long-term resentment cycles.

I’m in the process of separating from my partner after a long-term blended family relationship and would appreciate outside perspectives.

We share a young child (BS3). My partner also has two older daughters (SD17 and SD18) whpo live with us 100% of the time. I have two children from my previous marriage who are with us 40% of the time (BD9 and BS12).

Over several years, there have been ongoing and unresolved conflicts around household expectations, cleanliness, responsibility, and parenting standards.

I’ve consistently struggled with what I perceive as a lack of structure and follow-through around expectations for SD17 and SD18 (e.g. hygiene, mess, general responsibility). My partner often sees these issues through a more flexible/emotional lens, whereas I tend to see them as basic standards of living in a shared home. Just to be clear, this goes far beyond hygiene and cleanliness, it involves some pretty outrageous and dangerous behaviours over the years and a total refusal to grow up, accept some responsibility, and move into adulthood gradually.

This has created a repeating cycle:

• I raise concerns
• She feels criticised or disagrees with severity
• Little changes long-term
• Resentment builds on my side
• Conflicts repeat

Over time I’ve become increasingly emotionally exhausted and have reached a point where I no longer feel I can live in the environment. I do not feel attracted to or emotionally connected in the relationship anymore and feel primarily driven by exhaustion and stress.

We are now separating and arranging 50/50 custody of BS3, but I’m struggling with whether this is primarily:

• incompatibility in blended family expectations, or
• something I should have handled differently emotionally

Would appreciate perspectives from anyone who has been through blended family breakdowns or long-term resentment cycles.

I’m in the process of separating from my partner after a long-term blended family relationship and would appreciate outside perspectives.

We share a young child (BS3). My partner also has two older daughters (SD17 and SD18) whpo live with us 100% of the time. I have two children from my previous marriage who are with us 40% of the time (BD9 and BS12).

Over several years, there have been ongoing and unresolved conflicts around household expectations, cleanliness, responsibility, and parenting standards.

I’ve consistently struggled with what I perceive as a lack of structure and follow-through around expectations for SD17 and SD18 (e.g. hygiene, mess, general responsibility). My partner often sees these issues through a more flexible/emotional lens, whereas I tend to see them as basic standards of living in a shared home.

This has created a repeating cycle:

• I raise concerns
• She feels criticised or disagrees with severity
• Little changes long-term
• Resentment builds on my side
• Conflicts repeat

Over time I’ve become increasingly emotionally exhausted and have reached a point where I no longer feel I can live in the environment. I do not feel attracted to or emotionally connected in the relationship anymore and feel primarily driven by exhaustion and stress.

We are now separating and arranging 50/50 custody of BS3, but I’m struggling with whether this is primarily:

• incompatibility in blended family expectations, or
• something I should have handled differently emotionally

Would appreciate perspectives from anyone who has been through blended family breakdowns or long-term resentment cycles.