r/stepkids

hi i am using a new acc to post this so my stepmother(29) who had recently married my father disciplined me for calling her by name and a few bad words.

she believes that its about raising a son well. She wanted me to address her as maam in beginning i didnt do that so i got the caning on buttocks.
she had told me to bend over the chair with pants down it was embarrassing.

She said to my father i needed lesson since i am spoiled with using bad words for her so i need to be disciplined.
i am from singapore
my stepmother is American

I have a SM and SD and have always tried to agree with them or act in ways they find acceptable just to get them to like me. This stage only lasted about a year with my SD before I felt as though he loved me for who I was .But i have known my step-mum for 10 years and I still feel like if I want my SM to like me I have to dress as she pleases, act as she wants and do things to impress her. I have three older siblings who didn’t adjust their actions to suit the SP and this usually ended up with my SM talking bad about them to my dad.

I feel as though with biological parents they have an obligation to love you and it doesn’t matter how you act but step-parents create a whole new scenario.

So I just wandered, is it normal to feel like you have to earn respect and love from step-parents?

I had 50/50 custody with my daughter. I like the step-dad he is a great guy. I don't worry about my daughter with him. I know my daughter loves him and used to split fathers day with him.

I taught my daughter to read, ride a bike, roller skate, and swim. I very seldom said no to her. I never broke my promises to her, this led me to driving 100 miles round trip every wednesday so she could belly dance. She used to do things like Krav Maga, her other parents would never take her because one of the classes were on their Tuesday. So I took her all the time. I also taught my daughter to row rivers, she was rowing class three rivers solo at 8 years old, and had been down class 5 rivers at the age of 8.

She stopped all of that stuff for Soccer. I paid for all of her private lessons, and almost all of the costs, club soccer is not cheap. I even coached her recreation leagues. I would take her out and practice with her everyday. I even remodeled the room in the basement so she could train.

However, two years ago, my daughter and I got into a fight. I asked her to do something she didn't want to do it, and we had fought about this for several months before. She then lied to me about it. Using love and logic which is how I raised her I told her that she would be grounded from her phone for two weeks and asked her to give me the phone. She said No. So i said give me your phone or I am not paying for your soccer. She called her mom, her mom came over and picked her up and said they would pay for the soccer. I have seen my daughter twice since then. They let her date which I was against until she was 16, (her mom was letting her date at 13) I didn't want her to get a septum piercing and her parents allowed that, so my place wasn't fun.

I decided to move out of the country and offered to fly her to see me which her parents never answered.

People tell me someday she will regret it. I don't think so because her step father has been there just as long as I have. Any thoughts on this?

Whenever I’m at my dads house I end up just sitting around the house and doing nothing all week even though my dad says he “wants to see me” but when I come over all of his attention is on his wife and my younger siblings and by the time he’s done with them he has no energy for me. When I’m at my mom’s we hangout all the time and do stuff like watch tv together or hangout. Most of the time I’m at my dad’s I often find myself thinking “what am I doing here?? I could be spending quality time with mom instead of doing nothing and sitting in my room all week”

I cant accept my stepdad as a stepdad but as a friend, what do I do? I still live with my real dad, I'm with my mom and "stepdad" on the weekends and he has been spoiling me (laptop, toys, etc)

Context:

Dad remarried 9 years ago with a woman from a small town. She was a teacher and had a kid who was the same age as mine. They came from lower income families while my dad earns a pretty decent amount of money.

Since the beginning, her son constantly fought with me and was extremely manipulative and turned my friends against me. She was extremely controlling and took away nice things that I had like my iPad cause she was jealous her son didn't have them.

Over the years their behavior became worse. I eventually went into depression when I was 11/12 (was diagnosed much later) and stopped talking to both of them despite living under the same roof which isolated me further.

I once called Child Services on her but nothing happened cause we live in a third world country. Her sons problematic behavior started when we entered our teens. He objectified other girls and often used derogatory terms for them.

I had to take one year break from my education during high school cause of some other things that took place.

Current Situation:

That woman is a very orthodox religious Hindu who believes in purity and stuff. So I'm not allowed to cook meat or eggs in the house, hell im not even allowed to do anything in 'her' kitchen. I have to use a different glass to drink water and a different dispenser for salt.

Because according to Hinduism people who eat meat and are of lower castes are impure/inferior.

Her son's behavior kept becoming worse. He has multiple sexual assault/harrasment allegations against him. He gets high on weed every single day and he also does meth, mdma and other stuff. His mother doesn't know about this, only father does.

My father ignores all problematic things and tries to be a diplomat. We're close with each other. His solution for everything is to console his wife and give in to whatever demamds we (me or my step brother) make.

Ill be going away for uni in 3 months so thankfully this won't last long. I just find at funny that despite being around 19 and barely half her age I make more money than her.