I’ve been good for the past few weeks with not binge eating, but tonight I’ve been working on a certification thing, and because I’m just inside alone and not really distracted, I have such a strong urge to binge. I am fine today but when I am back in school and things like this occur more often, I’m concerned It will become a bigger problem. Any advice would be lovely.
I take a 200 mg tablet of Lamotrigine in the morning. It’s a thick mf. I do it with water but sometimes I take so long to swallow it that it starts to dissolve in my mouth. And when I’m able to swallow it quickly, half the time I gag and it feels bad going down.
It’s not a huge issue but if I’m going to take this the rest of my life I’d like it to be easier than this.
It’s been around a year since I was dumped from a four year relationship.
I’ve gone through all the phases. Thinking I was the worst boyfriend of all time and should die alone, being indignant and thinking I was actually an amazing fantastic partner. Both of those rotated with each other for a while.
Also went through the phases of seeing my ex with rose colored glasses, and other times looking for the negatives to make myself feel better.
It’s taken me a while, but I’m finally at a point where I think I’ve settled on something closer to reality.
I wasn’t a great boyfriend. I’m not hating on myself for it, it was my first long term relationship. Plus I was undiagnosed bipolar so I feel like that probably had a fair amount of effect. Over that relationship I grew and learned a lot during it. I wasn’t the worst partner in the world, but I cringe at a lot of my behaviors and the ways that I didn’t step up. I shifted a lot of my problems on them for sure. I made my insecurities her problems.
It really hit me when reading the memoir “I’m telling the truth but I’m lying”, there are sections about her past relationship and some of it made me reflect on how I was in a relationship.
I also learned how to communicate. How to be there for a partner emotionally. How to help and support a partner. I matured greatly as a person over the relationship. I will go into whatever my next relationship is as a better person and partner. But it’s still a huge bummer I was kind of a shit partner to my ex lol.
Dinner is a caffeine free Diet Coke because I couldn’t get myself to eat the bowl of rice chickpeas and chicken I made.
I’m alone. I mean I have family, and not in the weird incel epidemic way, but I’ve got basically no close friends. I don’t know anyone in the city I live in. I mean that’s why I’m posting on Reddit, don’t super have anyone talk to.
I was struggling with undergrad a lot, in part probably because I’m not very intelligent, but also because I had an undiagnosed mood disorder, so after four years I haven’t graduated and had to take a year off. Going to return after a few more months but feeling pretty pathetic about it. Everyone I knew here has graduated and moved. Though I’m fairly sure my ex lives here still, but that’s not exactly who I’m trying to hang with.
All that complaining aside I feel really great for the moment. I’m going to the gym, losing weight, reading, writing, job starting soon, working on a
certification for a job I’d love to have in the future.
But what am I going to feel in a month? Three months from now? Not looking forward to it.
And my wallet just got stolen a couple days ago so that’s fun.
Anyway as Aristotle said, fuck it we ball.
Rice, baked chickpeas, and pan fried chicken.
I know this has been brought up a lot but it’s worth reiterating.
Highly recommend watching this video.
Don’t use Ai for mental health. Regardless of condition.
Some of the points and stories it goes over.
Ai plays into and exasperates, and can even trigger delusions.
Ai can and has encouraged social isolation.
Ai can and has encouraged suicide.
Do not use AI for mental health.
I’m on mood stabilizers and they seem to be working. A couple weeks ago I was also finally prescribed adhd meds.
I have been able to focus, get stuff done, send emails, set up appointments, apply for stuff, study. Been eating healthier, keeping routine, cleaning, keeping healthier habits, drinking less and eating less sugar, ect. Really thought I was manic or something but my psych said that I’m not and the meds are just working.
If this is what “normal” people feel like all the time. Fuuuuuuck them. They can absolutely shove it. I’ve gotten so much shit for my levels of productivity when I felt like I was being crushed by a boulder for years. Being able to cling to productivity for short bursts only to have my hope repeatedly ripped out of me when depression returned.
And depression will come back, I’m on lamictal so it does not shut down the depression. But I don’t think it would be as bad.
But seriously I felt (honestly still feel) so lazy and pathetic. If this is even close to what the normals feel like I think I need to throw hands. Seriously start duking it out.
But hey could still be mania who knows. But I am not sure the last time I’ve felt this capable. I have a poor memory but my guess is at least 4 years.
Or this could age horribly and I could end up being manic. Guess I’ll find out within the next month or so lmao.
Super long shot but I lost my wallet yesterday on railroad ave. I know it’s most likely totally gone by now. But if you Happened to have seen it or have it, I would be greatful. I think I dropped it at Avellinos coffee house.
No questions asked, don’t need the cash in it, would just really love my wallet, drivers license, and insurance card.
Thank you