TIFU by accidentally making my girlfriend think I had a second phone. Last night I was trying to surprise her with concert tickets for her favorite artist and I didn’t want her seeing the emails, so I logged into a separate email on an old phone I had in my drawer and ordered them on that. Today she came over while I was in the shower and apparently my old phone started blowing up because my friends were spamming our group chat. I walk out and she’s sitting on the edge of my bed staring at me and goes “how long?” I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. She thought I had a secret relationship because apparently finding a hidden phone is like relationship nuclear war. She started crying before I even understood what was happening. I had to show her the tickets and my entire email history to prove I wasn’t living a double life. TL;DR: Used an old phone to secretly buy my girlfriend concert tickets, she found it while I was showering and thought I had a hidden second phone for cheating, leading to a full relationship nuclear meltdown before I could explain.

This actually happened yesterday, but I’m such a rebel you can call me Billy Idol and watch me yell.

Yesterday, my kids and I were watching My Hero Academia when my eldest asked if we could have a snack. I said yes.

My youngest volunteered to get the raspberries. He’s six and a half, so I said yes… this was a big mistake.

He had to wash the raspberries before serving them. A few minutes later, he brought them back to the living room and put them on the coffee table, smiling and so proud of himself grinning ear to ear.

Can you guess what the fuck up was? I bet you a cool million that you can’t.

Turns out he washed them with soap.

Nothing prepares you for the taste of Dawn-flavored raspberries.

TL;DR: My kid served us raspberries washed with dish soap.

I (21f) met a guy at a bar and after talking for a bit I gave him my instagram.
He saw that I was following a friend of his and it turned out that he’s friends with my flatmate, who I’m now pretty good friends with.

We got on pretty well and I went back to his place with him. 
At some point he asked me to go down on him.

My brain immediately went to all of the  times my friends have told me that men have refused to go down on them. Felt like I was in an adult version of thats so raven. 
So, I told him I wasn’t going to go down on him unless he went down on me first.

So he went down on me. That part was fine.

Then it was my turn to go down on him.

But I had never actually gone down on a guy before and I had no idea what to do. 

There was a moment of deep uncomfortable awkwardness where I just sort of stared at him, because I had no idea what to do or say.
I felt like my mouth had suddenly turned into the Sahara desert. 
If I went down on this man he was going to get the cheese grater experience.

So, I panicked and told him I lied and that I had no intention of going down on him.
He was not happy. I went home.

It’s only when I got home that I remembered that he’s friends with my flatmate. I don’t know what level of friendship they are, but I have a horrible feeling that she’s going to find out.
I’m considering confessing to her, because shes nice and we’ve gotten pretty close at this point. I’m an extremely horrible liar and she’s going to ask me what I got up to last night anyway, since she knows I went out.

I also posted this on r/offmychest but that was like the bare bones of what happened and tbh I’m still shaken from it all and felt like rambling to get over my embarrassment.
I genuinely think this might haunt me forever 

I’m also debating just blocking the guy entirely and denying any anti dick sucking allegations that come my way.

TLDR I embarrassed myself during a hookup by panicking and refusing to go down on the guy after he went down on me

I know I'm an idiot so please don't feel the need to tell me that.

For context, I'm 24 years old and graduated with a degree in creative writing 2 years ago. Since then I've worked mostly in kitchens but really want to work in film.

I started what I thought was my dream job at the beginning of April. For the last 6 weeks I've been a production assistant at a marketing agency but it hasn't been anything like I thought it would be. My direct boss started about 2 months before I did and has basically no idea what he is doing but thinks he does. So he can't really provide me with much direction and keeps doing the wrong thing which I've been told is kind of my responsibility to prevent but he won't listen to me. The CEO who is my other boss never gives any good direction or anything and when I ask her questions I'm almost always met with a bit of attitude and a "why don't you already know that tone". I don't need my hand held but it kind of feels like I'm missing at least 25% of the information I need to be successful. Just yesterday she was annoyed with me for not having read all the information on a project before starting it. I know I should have known there was info to read but it had never come up before and no one had ever told me about it. When I confirmed where the information was, I went to look for it and couldn't find it. Turns out it wasn't where she said it was and I wasn't even on the slack channel where the information lived. Am I crazy for thinking thats not my fault? My boss can't give me the direction I need but the CEO isn't either and somehow its my fault? Maybe I'm just being a whiny baby but I genuinely don't understand.

I know I should have stuck it out even 6 months so I can put this on my resume but I'm only working 24hr a week at $16/hr. If it weren't for the money my parents are giving me (I know I'm lucky) I wouldn't be able to pay my bills, I barely even can now. I have a side gig for June but feel physically ill at work most of the time because I'm so nervous of doing things wrong because I don't even know where to start asking questions because it feels like I don't know anything. When I got the job offer, I was told they like to set very attainable goals for my 3 month review but I had to initiate that meeting 3 weeks in after no one said anything about it. I had to ask what I should be doing all day because the boss that is also new has basically no idea. I come from a very high achieving family/community and this just feels like such a huge failure, wanting to quit after not even 2 months, not being good at it immediately (which I know is stupid and most people aren't), not to mention I have pretty bad ADHD and have such a hard time focusing and being invested in something that isn't interesting to me (yes I know everyone struggles with this and its just another excuse). Yes, I am a PA which is exactly what I wanted but the only production we do is instagram reels for a lame makeup company which is owned by a woman who wants the world and more which is rarely doable.

So this morning I quit. I sent an email and now I don't work there anymore and I'm afraid I've made a terrible mistake. I've been reminding myself that I was an intern and should have been mentored in some way rather than set up for what felt like failure. I also don't even want to work in or like marketing, I would love to one day work in actual film but production experience is production experience. Like I said, I have about 10 days of work with an old employer set up for the next 6 weeks but now need to find another job, probably serving which has been my plan since before today and as I live in a college town and kids are gone for the summer I should be able to find something but I just can't believe I did that. I'm less worried about figuring out my career path because I believe (maybe stupidly) that it will become clear to me what that is as I continue working. I have no idea what I actually want to do. I have a bad habit of leaving jobs once it gets boring or I don't like it anymore but I also have never really made enough money for bad jobs to seem worth it. Why am I miserable when I can't even pay my bills?

I feel like goldilocks, nothing is good enough for me and I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what my dream life is, I don't know what my dream job is, I don't know anything anymore.

TL;DR: I spontaneously quit the job that I thought was going to set me on an exciting career path this morning because I hate my boss and don't feel like I'm getting enough support or pay for it to be worth it.

so my gf works at sephora and she was having a terrible week so i thought i’d surprise her with flowers and her favorite iced latte from starbucks. i walked into the store with flowers in one hand and coffee in the other and saw her helping a customer across the store so i decided to wait by the register.

one of the flowers slipped and when i bent down to pick it up the coffee tipped over and dumped all over a display of expensive perfume gift sets. i panicked and started grabbing boxes and wiping them off with my shirt. apparently that looked exactly like i was stealing. one employee yelled sir what are you doing and a security guard appeared out of nowhere grabbed my flowers and took me to the back room. a minute later my gf came in took one look at me covered in coffee holding a crushed bouquet and said that’s my boyfriend he’s not stealing he’s just an idiot. they checked the cameras and let me go.i still had to pay for the damaged perfume..the flowers somehow survived.

TL;DR tried to surprise my gf at work with flowers and coffee spilled the coffee on a perfume display got mistaken for a shoplifter and my gf had to explain to security that i’m just an idiot.

Just a short backstory.

5 years ago I (m) started my first job after college. At the same time a female coworker started working at the same place. We've started with the same struggles, such as getting to know the building, the coworkers, ... . Anyway, we happen to have a pretty good relationship and friendship. In those years we went to clubbing, the cinema and talked about everything.

A few months ago, we were talking about her past relationships and how she's not made for the small town we're living in. Everyone's just so conservative and she wants to go back to the city one day. As we go on talking, I tell her, that I'm not like that and progressive people happen to live in smaller towns as well. As an example I tell her that I'm in an open marriage.

From then on things started to change. She began to distance herself from me slowly. I realized, but thought it was because the both of us had to work a lot more, simple not having enough time to hang out as much.

Last week she was hungry and I offered her a banana, as I was just holding one. She declined, so I left the banana at her desk with a note saying "My banana (the yellow one) for you." I was trying to be funny but today she said she wanted to talk.

She told me, ever since I told her about the open marriage she saw me differently. She doesn't know if I'm joking or flirty when making stupid jokes anymore. She doesn't want to spend as much time with me and told me to stop making this kind of joke.

Tl;DR: I ruined a nice platonic friendship by telling my friend I'm in an open marriage.

Edit: I get it. The banana joke was too much. I apologized to her and will give her any time she needs.

I didn't mean to be a creep, yet i do get the majority of you thinks I was. Fair. I didn't make a move, too.

Basically, today at school I put one of my best friends in drag just because. We had done this before, and he agreed to let me at lunch. While doing it I asked him multiple times if he was sure as people were crowding around us and making fun of him. He said yes he was sure and that he thought it was funny, he was used to being bullied, all of that. We had done his makeup along with some others during theater before so I think he thought it was kind of going to be like that, however, it was much worse. Now, he has some of our good friends (he's even closer with them than I am) along with some of his friends ignoring him/ thinking about not being friends with him due to being scared they would get bullied, think he's gay, so on and so on. (I honestly blew up at a few of our friends for joining in and laughing at him) He says he doesn't care but to be honest I've known him long enough to see the shift in expression when he's uncomfortable/ nervous. Basically, I don't want this to be the whole thing that people know him for as he's genuinely such a good person and at that the most iconic one I know, especially after this. I really don't want him to get harrassed or worse due to this either. I also really want to keep being friends with him and am kind of worried that if he keeps getting bullied he'll blame me for it and stop being friends with me even though I know that probably won't happen. (Anxiety issues lol) Long story short, I need advice and for him to know, no matter what I have his back.

TL;DR: I put one of my best friends in drag at school and now he's getting bullied. I really need advice.

This TIFU was initially primed last week, but the tripwire was broken by me about 9 hours ago, consequences yet to fully emerge.

I like spreadsheets. One could say I love spreadsheets. I've even got one of those little badges that says This Calls For A Spreadsheet. I'm recognised in work as the spreadsheet guy, as well as The Count.

Friend in work last week approached me asking me to help with his new spreadsheet task, amalgamating 4 whiteboards of material into a workflow with multiple data entry and exit points to allow the higher ups access to the info.

"No bother" I said and go to work. Two hours later I have done and the new shiny and *perfect* spreadsheet goes out.

Today: KABOOM. Go into work and notice a meeting on my calendar, ominously titled as per the workflow included on the spreadsheet. Now I've recently been shifted slightly across from my usual role to help out with another project, which will entail working to 90% of my hours to make sure I do what I need to cover my work. I think the meeting has been scheduled to discuss how useful this new sheet is. That's how it starts off of course when I get in there. By the end I've been handed an ENORMOUS body of work to build logs and databases to manage the workflows and output in a sufficient way that the higher ups of the higher ups can review and understand where the entire department is at. "I don't want to upset the apple cart but am I not supposed to be doing that other role now?" "Well, we figured you could fit in this new task around your spare time out from the other role. By the way can you have all this done in the next two weeks?"

Me and my big mouth. The irony is, I'd offer to help all over again, like I did last time.

TL;DR: Helped a friend do a spreadsheet, get tasked by the managers to do a titanic version of the same in whatever spare time I can find but to be completed in about 2 weeks. Consequences: not yet fully clear.

For context, I am completely blind and have been since 2016. I’m using a screen reader to type this before anyone asks lol.

My boyfriend is a fucking moron.

The other day, I sent him to CVS to grab me some baby wipes because toilet paper is an absolute disaster when you can’t see. I was genuinely excited to finally have wipes again, so the second he got home, I marched straight to the bathroom to handle business.

Afterward, I opened the pack and immediately noticed they smelled weird and felt different than the ones I usually use. But since my boyfriend has fully functioning eyeballs, I stupidly assumed he had managed to buy the correct thing and figured maybe they were just a different brand.

So I proceeded to wipe my ass and vulva with them.

For TWO DAYS.

Then suddenly, my labia started burning like satan himself had reached out to touch it.
And somehow, I still didn’t suspect the wipes.

Thankfully, my roommate walked into the bathroom the next day while I was peeing so she could brush her teeth. When I finished, I reached for another wipe and she practically lunged across the room to stop me.

Horrified, she snatched the pack out of my hand and informed me that I had been wiping my coochie with DISINFECTING WIPES.

CHEMICAL. FUCKING. WIPES.

I wanted to die.

Apparently my boyfriend saw “wipes” and said, “Yep, that’s probably close enough.”

I was shocked, furious, and utterly humiliated!!!

Thankfully, everything is fine now. My kitty cat is feeling much better and my roommate and I ended up having a good laugh about the entire situation. But I really think this man needs supervised shopping privileges from now on. 😭💀

TLDR: My blind ass trusted my boyfriend to buy baby wipes. He accidentally bought disinfecting wipes instead. I used them on my vulva for two days before my roommate caught me. My coochie briefly entered the gates of hell.

Edit: I swear some of y’all in the comments are seriously lacking in the common sense department. No, I did not read the package. Hard to do when you’re blind. No, I did not wipe my anus and then my vagina with the same white. Being blind doesn’t make you a fucking animal. No, my boyfriend did not buy disinfectant wipes on purpose because he thinks my vagina stinks. I shower every single day. Jesus Christ, people. Are we really that dense???

This actually happened about two weeks ago, and I’m still dying inside every time I look at my Slack notifications.

I work from home, and like many remote workers, my "professional attire" is purely from the waist up. On this particular Tuesday, we had a massive company-wide meeting (about 80+ people including the regional VP). Since I was just a viewer and didn’t have to speak, I was sitting at my desk in a nice ironed button-up shirt, and absolutely nothing underneath except my neon-green boxer briefs.

About 20 minutes into the meeting, my cat, Buster, decided it was the perfect time to knock over a full mug of black coffee right next to my laptop. In a state of pure, unadulterated panic, I didn't just push my chair back—I stood up completely, bent over the desk, and started frantically wiping the coffee with a bunch of tissues.

Here’s the fuck up: I completely forgot that my camera was turned ON.

For a solid 15 seconds, eighty of my coworkers, including my managers and the VP, were treated to a front-row, high-definition view of my neon-green boxers and my pale, hairy legs as I frantically scrubbed coffee off my desk.

I didn't realize until my phone started vibrating so hard it almost fell off the desk. It was my work best friend spamming me: "DUDE TURN OFF YOUR CAM NOW YOU ARE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR."

I froze, looked at the screen, saw my own tiny box showing my lower half to the world, and slammed my laptop shut. I didn't log back in. I just sat in the dark for an hour considering changing my name and moving to Mongolia.

Thankfully, my manager is a cool guy. He messaged me later saying, "Nice boxers, but let's keep the dress code a bit more... covered next time." Nobody else brought it up directly, but the awkward silences in my meetings this past week have been deafening.

TL;DR:

Spilled coffee during a massive 80-person company Zoom call, stood up in a panic to clean it, and forgot my camera was on, exposing my neon-green boxers to the entire company including the VP.

"Again" because the story starts around four years ago, when I first bleached my hair. I always disliked hairdressers. The chats, the pay, the appointments. Are they cool? Yes. Do they do valuable work? Absolutely. But as someone, who never cared for appearance, I decided that my best look is "chaos". So, I dyed my hair myself.

I got home from work at 8am (just a 3h shift), dyed my hair, showered and let my hair dry by air. And by 12, I had to wake my now ex. He rubbed his eyes, looked at me, then opened his phone. No words. No greetings, but he showed me a picture.

The picture of a golden headed lion tamarin. That was what my hair looked like. Blond and orange with LOTS of my natural dark brown hair.

We both died laughing. Obviously my former colleagues mocked me for my failed dyeing.

Since then, I always self-colord my hair. Went through attempts of different colors. Red; purple; green; going black and platin. All with differing variations of success and outcomes.

Today, I dyed my hair again. From dark brown (and some orange bits) back to blond. It was a "rushed" attempt, so I obviously missed countless spots. Looked in the mirror once my hair dried, only to find the same golden headed lion tamarin aesthetic that every human could crave to look.

I'm a monkey²!

TL;DR: self coloring hair causes me to have the looks of money. Reject humanity, return to monkey indeed.

I had never actually been inside a church service before. I’d seen churches a million times, but I was genuinely curious what the atmosphere was like during an actual Sunday service. One weekend I was downtown early before meeting a friend and saw this huge old cathedral with the doors open, so I figured I’d quietly sit in the back for a few minutes and leave. At first everything was normal. People were singing, there was organ music playing, and the whole place honestly felt way calmer than I expected. I sat near the back trying not to stand out. Then everyone stood up. So naturally I stood up too. A little later everyone sat down. So I sat down too. Then everybody kneeled. This is where things went downhill. I had absolutely no idea there were fold-out kneeling benches attached to the seats. I thought people were literally kneeling straight onto the floor. Trying to blend in, I dropped down quickly and smashed my shin directly into the wooden kneeler underneath the bench. The sound echoed through the entire church. Not exaggerating either. It sounded like someone hit a baseball bat against wood. I immediately grabbed the pew in front of me to stop myself from falling over, except I grabbed it way too hard and shook the entire row enough for multiple people to turn around and stare at me. Now my shin is throbbing, my eyes are watering, and I’m awkwardly crouched there trying to pretend nothing happened while everyone else is peacefully praying. Then somehow I made it worse. Because I was so focused on acting normal again, I didn’t realize everyone had already stood back up. So for a solid few seconds I was the ONLY person still kneeling there while the room was dead silent. The guy next to me leaned over and quietly whispered:
“You’re good.” I stood up too fast, got lightheaded immediately, and had to grab the pew AGAIN to steady myself. At this point I probably looked like the church was actively rejecting me. After the service ended, one older guy came over and asked if it was my first time there. I apologized for accidentally causing a scene, but he just laughed and said half the people there had done something similar before. Still never recovered mentally from hearing my shin make that noise though.

TL;DR: Went to a church service out of curiosity, didn’t know kneeling benches existed, destroyed my shin loud enough for people to turn around, then spent the rest of the service accidentally drawing more attention to myself.

I was talking to someone and thought I was being funny, but the second the words left my mouth I knew I had messed up. It was one of those jokes that sounds fine in your head and then just dies completely in real life. Nobody laughed, the mood got awkward instantly, and I could feel my face getting hot because I knew I had just made everything weird for no reason.

What made it worse is that I tried to recover from it instead of just shutting up. So then I started talking more, which only made it more obvious that I was panicking. You know that feeling when you can hear yourself getting worse while it’s happening and you still can’t stop? yeah, that was me. I kept trying to act normal, but the whole thing was already gone.

After that I just wanted to disappear and pretend it never happened. I’m still thinking about it way more than I should, which somehow makes it even more embarrassing. I really should have just kept my mouth shut for once.

TL;DR: I tried to be funny and the joke completely bombed, which made everything awkward. I then made it worse by trying to recover and now I’m stuck cringing about it.

been building a side project after work for almost a year now

classic story. designer learns to code, watches too many startup videos, decides hes gonna “build in public” and change his life

the project itself was actually useful. i built Kakiyo because i was tired of manually doing linkedin outreach every single day for freelance clients. originally it was just supposed to generate better personalized messages so i could stop rewriting the same thing over and over

but then i got carried away

analytics dashboards
glassmorphism UI
animated charts
activity heatmaps
a settings page with like 40 toggles nobody on earth needed

i spent an entire saturday redesigning the onboarding button hover animation. not joking

finally launched it properly last month

know what users cared about?

whether the messages got replies

thats it

one guy literally emailed me saying “bro i dont care about the dashboard just tell me if this thing books meetings”

another user thought half the features were fake because he never clicked them once

the real fuck up happened when my server bill randomly spiked because of all the unnecessary analytics garbage i added trying to make the product look “premium”

ended up spending more money tracking user behavior than actually improving the thing users wanted

so i stripped almost everything down over one weekend out of frustration

simpler UI
less settings
bigger text
just focused on whether the outreach worked

and somehow thats when people actually started paying

turns out nobody wants a spaceship dashboard if the core product sucks

would have been cool to realize that BEFORE wasting 6 months pretending i was the next Steve Jobs

TL;DR: spent 6 months overdesigning my app Kakiyo with useless features nobody cared about, nearly burned money on pointless analytics, and learned users only care if your product actually solves their problem

I was talking to this girl for a while and thought I was finally doing everything right. We had good chemistry, we joked around a lot, and I honestly thought I was making progress.

Then I said one dumb thing that killed the vibe instantly. I tried to act like it was nothing, but I could feel the conversation dying in real time. After that I kept trying to save it, which probably made it even worse because now I just sounded nervous and awkward.

The embarrassing part is that this wasn’t even some huge disaster, it was just one stupid sentence that made me overthink everything. I spent the whole rest of the day replaying it in my head like an idiot, thinking about every possible way I could have said something better. What made it worse is that I was trying so hard to seem natural that I ended up sounding even less natural.

Now I’m just left with that awful feeling where you know you blew your shot by being too in my own head. I’m probably going to remember this random conversation for way too long.

TL;DR: I was talking to a girl and tried way too hard to be smooth, but one dumb thing killed the vibe. Now I’m stuck replaying it and cringing at myself.

so i built this tool called Kakiyo for linkedin outreach because i was tired of writing cold messages manually every day

the whole point was making AI generated messages not sound painfully robotic

which worked a little too well apparently

couple weeks ago i matched with someone on hinge and we started talking. conversation was going fine at first but i was exhausted from work and honestly terrible at texting

meanwhile Kakiyo was sitting open on my second monitor because i had been testing conversation prompts earlier

you can probably see where this is going

as a joke i pasted one of her messages into the AI to see what it would reply with

the response was annoyingly good

like thoughtful. funny. actually engaging

so naturally i copied part of it

then another

then somehow the AI was carrying like 70% of the conversation while i sat there feeling progressively worse about myself

three days later she literally says:
“its really nice talking to someone who communicates this clearly”

i almost closed my laptop permanently

the real disaster happened when we met in person

because apparently real life me does NOT sound like polished AI-assisted text me

conversation was awkward almost immediately. she kept waiting for these deep insightful responses and instead got me nervously talking about figma plugins and iced coffee

at one point she literally asked:
“you seem different over text?”

i wanted the earth to consume me right there

there was no second date obviously

now every time i work on Kakiyo i remember that i technically got outperformed by my own product in a real human interaction

which honestly feels deserved

TL;DR: built an AI messaging tool called Kakiyo, jokingly used it during a dating conversation, accidentally made myself seem way cooler than i actually am, then completely failed to live up to it in person

I'm writing this as I got off of work in absolute shambles. I want to hide away from humanity forever. Maybe even quit.

I took my nieces and nephews to the school fair about two days ago. Everything was easy and breezy (excluding my nephew acting up frequently enough to where we had to go home early). The fair had about 50 or so kids? There were a bunch of hands-on activities and games I participated in with my nieces. We were shooting hoops, shooting water guns, you name it... I know that kids are human petri dishes, but I'm pretty good with my hygiene and handwashing.

I felt pretty okay throughout the weekend. However, when I woke up today (Monday), my right lymph node hurt pretty bad. It's allergies season, and I snore in my sleep. I just assumed it was that. So, I grab my belongings, keys, and clock in for my shift. Its a physically demanding job that requires a lot of arm strength, but I always manage on the days where I feel off.

Today, they introduced a new manager that would be overseeing the rest of the job site. Fun!

About halfway through the shift, my throat gets scratchier. I'm getting more fatigued. My stomach starts hurting. However, once again, I brush it up to mild allergies and the potato salad I ate last night. I grab some water from the break room, use the bathroom for a bit, then get right back to work.

But, noooo, it gets much worse than that, dear reader. My throat started to feeling like how it feels after stuffing down 10 buffalo wings in 30 minutes. I'm getting lightheaded, winded, and the heat isn't making it any better. I think, "Let me just rest my head in the break room for a bit, drink some more water, and get back to business". So, I'm sitting there chugging water and waiting for the nausea and burning to subside.

Then, the cough starts kicking in. Its super dry and I have asthma. I'm already winded, and yet, I managed to muster up the strength I had to get the cough out.

But then, a feeling of all encompassing, overpowering nausea hits me. That type of nausea that isn't gradual. This one's in your face, and before you have the chance to run to the bathroom you settle for a nearby trashcan.

I run out the breakroom, running down the stairs to try and make it to the bathroom. It's far away, but I've done the impossible. I cover my mouth with my hands as a last ditch effort. And in the moment after that, I wonder if Icarus felt like I did in his tumble down to earth.

It gets everywhere. On the ground. On the table. On my shirt. My coworkers see it. The new manager sees it. I start tearing up. Completely mortified, I clean up what I could with paper towels and I clock out with shaky hands. I rush out to the car with a bag, drive home in silence, and run to reddit.

TLDR; I got sick, overestimated how much I could handle, and got sick everywhere at work. Take care of yourself.

On the 8th of this month I had an argument with someone that ended in me rudely insulting their religion.

They understandably decided to ghost me, but I am too stupid to understand why she was not responding.

I have extremely poor tolerance for ambiguity and rejection, so this caused a fairly severe mental health crisis which has been escalating ever since.

I responded to the ghosting by bombarding this individual with daily messages (sometimes up to 3 times a day). I repeatedly apologised “for everything I said” and begged for confirmation that they hated me so that I could gain certainty and stop my thought spirals because I felt I was going crazy. I also repeatedly got mad with them for ghosting without saying anything. I also asked then if they were ok and asked them if they were just ignoring me to avoid giving reassurance (I have OCD, not that that excuses anything)

This person blocked me on instagram over the weekend, so I overstepped their boundary by contacting them on email. I once again scolded them for ignoring me and said they should have just bluntly told me they didn’t want to speak to me anymore however I ended this message by promising to quit contact due to having been blocked.

I quickly started having horrible intrusive thoughts about ways of coercing this individual into giving me closure. I feared acting on these thoughts, so I contacted them again to provide all my contact details and I asked them to block me in every way they could.

Eventually my mental health crisis peaked and I told all of my friends to stop talking to me because I don’t deserve them.

That night I ONCE AGAIN contacted this individual via email and offered to self harm at their request as a form of retribution for how I have hurt them. I
immediately sent a “ignore that” message afterwards.

———

Chatgpt also said I likely made them scared, I really hope this isn’t the case, luckily we live on different continents.

TL;DR: I harassed my ex friend like a crazy person for ghosting me

Today I was sitting on a park bench enjoying the spring breeze and a perfectly rolled jay, when suddenly, it went out.

My lighter then died as I was relighting it, so I gripped tight and inhaled like a madman to keep the tip alight.

In my fervor, I knocked the joint out of my lips and it disappeared from view. I combed the ground, scanned the bench, nothing. Unbeknownst to me, it was (literally) burning a hole in my pocket.

Now, this is an athletic jacket made of ultralight synthetic (plastic) fibers. I couldn’t detect a burning smell either, probably because I was outdoors. By the time it occurred to me where it had gone and I fished out the hot little culprit, it had already done its dirty work.

This is an expensive jacket but I was lucky and found it used at a thrift store - I likely never be able to find a similar one in my exact size again. I’ve held onto it for years and kept it in great condition. Until today :(

I shall forever wear my shame.

TL;DR: I was reckless with my rollie and it burned a hole in a jacket I can’t afford to replace

We bought a old piano 6 months ago, husband loves to play. It was used off Facebook marketplace a woman was selling it as part of her mothers estate said it had been in the family for years. But none of them play and she doesn't have room for it. For $400 its a deal and makes my husband happy. I have no idea about pianos but he does, its nice and looks gorgeous in our house.

My husband is a deep sleeper, I'm a lot more jumpy and sleep really light. About 3 days after we bought it as you guessed by the title I heard playing around 11pm. To be honest I shrugged it off, maybe a cat walking on the keys since I didn't recognize a tune and just went to sleep. Maybe 2 nights later I woke to music this time. Looked over husband is asleep, awesome...started to drift back off when !!husband is asleep!!. This wasn't random keys, it was fudging Marry Has A Little Lamb!!!

Now I'm kind of freaked out​. I woke my husband but as soon as I get him out of his glorious snore filled slumber the music stopped. To which I am given the "you were just dreaming or something go back to sleep". So FINE alright back to sleep i go, I was not getting up alone to go investigate that trash.

Then the next night, 1am rolls around and sure enough im awoken again to Marry Has a Little Lamb. Again I try to bring my loving spouse out of his deep wonderful dream sleep only to get to the moment he wakes up and the music stops. This time I beg him to go at least investigate, and he finds.... nothing. This goes on for the next 2 weeks its never the entire song just enough for me to know what it is. I try to get to my phone in time to record and show him but groggy tired me just isnt getting it. By the end of the 2nd week I am investigating this nerve wracking piano, begging to maybe be a mechanical thing. Like the cool trick pianos that play by themselves. Well I cant find a thing, so I ask my husband and he is exasperated but assures me it is not a "solo playing" piano and im probably just dreaming it.

And so this stupid journey with this piano continues. By the end of week 3 I am exhausted, being woken up almost every night for now weeks is starting to less scare me and more frustrate and even enrage me. I work 11hr days 5 days a week I need sleep, my alarm goes off at 4:30am I have neither the time nor the energy for this bull. So on week 4 at 2am of all times I wake hear the music walk my behind into the living room tired but snippy and ask the ghost, demon whatever it is to at the least be considerate and only play during the F(bomb) day.

Whatever this spooky was must have some manners because it did. It stopped, at least at night. I still had the odd and thankfully less occurring tune during the day and as the months have gone on it is much less frequent. Or we are just not home for it?

That brings us to this past Monday. Me and my husband, the love of my life has the RARE same Monday off!! I am sleeping in its around 10am because im an adult and we get to do that. When what do I hear, YUP you guessed it!! "Mary Has A Little Lamb".... im use to it at this point like whatever. Except this time my husband comes running into the bedroom, i peek my head up from my cove of comforters to see his eyes wide and face white.

"You're in here?" He whispers

"Well yeh where else would i be?" I grouch.

"Who is playing the piano"? He whispers

"Hell if I know whatever it is has been doing that since we got it"!

We just star at each other; all this to conclude. I apparently never said i thought the piano was haunted, why didnt i tell him the piano is haunted. But I did, why would I be asking about it playing by itself? We have been home before TOGETHER and it's happen... oh you thought it was me? Well no it wasn't.

Apparently everytime it has played he has been in another room and always thought it was just me messing around. Apparently that tune is easy to play? Except today, he knew i was sleeping in. So when he heard the piano start he peeked in to see me playing and ask why I was up except no one was there. And the last note was still playing, ringing(?). We might be getting rid of the piano.

TLDR We bought a haunted piano my husband didnt know it was haunted and is kind of upset I didnt insist to him that the piano is haunted. Even though I did tell him, THE PIANO IS HAUNTED!