TIFU by harassing my ex friend for 10 days
On the 8th of this month I had an argument with someone that ended in me rudely insulting their religion.
They understandably decided to ghost me, but I am too stupid to understand why she was not responding.
I have extremely poor tolerance for ambiguity and rejection, so this caused a fairly severe mental health crisis which has been escalating ever since.
I responded to the ghosting by bombarding this individual with daily messages (sometimes up to 3 times a day). I repeatedly apologised “for everything I said” and begged for confirmation that they hated me so that I could gain certainty and stop my thought spirals because I felt I was going crazy. I also repeatedly got mad with them for ghosting without saying anything. I also asked then if they were ok and asked them if they were just ignoring me to avoid giving reassurance (I have OCD, not that that excuses anything)
This person blocked me on instagram over the weekend, so I overstepped their boundary by contacting them on email. I once again scolded them for ignoring me and said they should have just bluntly told me they didn’t want to speak to me anymore however I ended this message by promising to quit contact due to having been blocked.
I quickly started having horrible intrusive thoughts about ways of coercing this individual into giving me closure. I feared acting on these thoughts, so I contacted them again to provide all my contact details and I asked them to block me in every way they could.
Eventually my mental health crisis peaked and I told all of my friends to stop talking to me because I don’t deserve them.
That night I ONCE AGAIN contacted this individual via email and offered to self harm at their request as a form of retribution for how I have hurt them. I
immediately sent a “ignore that” message afterwards.
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Chatgpt also said I likely made them scared, I really hope this isn’t the case, luckily we live on different continents.
TL;DR: I harassed my ex friend like a crazy person for ghosting me