r/thanatophobia

my partner and I are both in our early twenties and she is extremely anxious and afraid of her loved ones dying. Professional help isn't something we can get at the moment but even if we did have it, i assume support from loved ones must play a huge role too. I'm hoping for advice on dos and donts when she's thinking of it more than usual, and if there's anything more I could possibly do...

We've had a lot of conversations about it at this point but I'm not sure if I should provide more context. If you guys have any questions, I'll answer what I can.

thank you.

basically the title. I feel like my default mode is atheism and being hyper skeptical of everything. I was raised in a Catholic household but I always found it pretty hard to believe in a lot of what I was taught as a kid. I had lapses where I'd be a bit more firm in faith but it usually slipped away. I could never even hear about death without panicking a bit and imagining oblivion. As I've gotten older I've looked more into paranormal phenomena like near death experiences and more scientific stuff about consciousness. It helps a bit but I still find it hard to really believe anything. There's constantly so much science stuff coming out about how we're just brains and how we've proven there's nothing after death. It always feels like we're on the edge of finding out consciousness is just a brain thing and there truly is nothing more. I post some of my doubts on the subreddits devoted to this kind of stuff but sometimes they just get deleted and I get no answer. I really don't know what to do or what to believe anymore, I feel like some kind of social outcast for worrying what will happen to us or being scared of eternal nothing after death because no one else seems to care. The only real way the anxiety could ever end for me is if we scientifically proved consciousness isn't a brain thing, I used to believe that would happen one day but now I realize it's sort of an unrealistic expectation. I feel cursed with this worry, like I'm the only one worried about never seeing my loved ones again, about wasting my only life, about spending eternity as nothingness. i see stuff about psychics who verify themselves and stuff but I'm just unable to convince myself fully that there isn't a deeper materialist explanation to this all. I don't even know what the point of this vent is but I just need to get it off my chest.

The nothingness terrifies me, and the fact that one day my parents will simply "not exist." I want to do everything to make them live as long as possible.

Recently, I realized that if there is no God, death is the worst thing that could happen to a human being. It overwhelms me to look at deceased people – they were once vital, young, had consciousness, their own thoughts, and a will to live, and today they are simply nowhere to be found. They vanished.

This nothingness is the worst. I believe that suffering is better than nothingness, because suffering proves that you exist and it can be temporary, there is hope in it, whereas nothingness is eternal. What about people who died 2,000 years ago? No one remembers them.

Arguments about "leaving a mark behind" sound nice, but what good is it to the deceased person that they left something behind, since they are already gone?

Likewise, the argument that after death it will be like it was before birth doesn't convince me, because the nothingness before birth led to life, and the nothingness after death can be eternal, forever...

I am most afraid for my parents (they are already 60 years old). It's not about ordinary grief and the fact that I will miss them – that's obvious.

I am afraid that they simply won't exist. Good people who had feelings, their own consciousness, and referred to themselves as "I", will suddenly be nowhere in the universe.

I look into their eyes with the fear that they themselves are afraid of death, and I draw as much as I can from the moments I spend with them. My parents are believers, and I really don't want to draw them away from that faith.

With all my heart, I hope that what they believe in is true and that they will live forever.

Someone might say to record them, but for me, that's no solution. If I were to watch those recordings in the future, I would only cry, knowing that I won't find a person with such views and feelings even in the farthest corners of the Earth.

The realization that I can only look at them on a screen is unacceptable.

If immortality could be bought, I would spend every single penny. I am interested in longevity and Longevity Escape Velocity (LEV). I know that even if it's true, my parents' chances of "catching" it are marginal, especially given the current problems in medicine and the fact that they don't lead a strictly healthy lifestyle.

I have a modest budget and an ordinary job, so I won't discover any immortality for them myself, but with all my strength I want to get them to that point.

I plan to fight for their time and appreciate every moment with them, but in the moments when I am left alone with my thoughts, I just can't cope.

I've become a distant person. I don't care to talk to anyone more. I don't care about anything really. I lost all interest in everything I used to care about. Knowing it's all over soon has me apathetic. Listening to music is really the only thing I care about anymore.

All the life affirming advice like live life to the fullest and find what makes you happy means nothing. Painting a picture or traveling or spending time with friends does nothing to get me out of this mindset.

I wasn't like this before. I used to have aspirations, dreams, fulfilling hobbies but they all disappeared. I've done some of them and I still feel empty knowing what's coming. This fear has changed me entirely as a person.

I don't know what to do. Fake it until you make it hasn't worked.

So this existential crisis began when I first started to get scared of eternal oblivion after death/no afterlife, but I got over it and after finding out about forced reincarnation I am desperately wishing for it to be true, then it evolved into a fear of forced reincarnation, where I get reincarnated in an terrible life without my control, I think it’s the most likely scenario to happen after you die, because assuming the universe and existence is infinite, there’s a chance you are born again without your control, and this fear is costing me months of my life, I can’t even enjoy any fun things because of this anxiety, i want to rest forever. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!! Please please please PLEASE tell me reincarnation isn’t real please I want to experience happiness again

Ive been scared of the thought of dying or death and it eats away my thoughts, does anyone know to help? I cant afford therapy and meds

I’ve recently developed a fear of the afterlife, I’m not afraid that I’ll go to hell (cause I’m a genuinely good guy) it’s just that the the after life could be nothing, no darkness, no noise, just nothing or even worse… and the fear that we don’t know what happens after death scares me that much

i only discovered this phobia 2 weeks ago and it is consuming my life. i now have an average of 3 panic attacks a day and i can’t deal with it anymore. i’m at a war with my mind because i can’t cope with these thoughts and i don’t know how to make them go away. how am i just meant to accept the fact that im gonna be gone forever one day?

I am heavily medicated, i got therapy for a year, i try everything to distract myself but this fear just never went away. Its eating at my thoughts

I (15f)wanna start of by saying i know that I have some form of mental illness and before you suggest therapy, I’m too for it. Ive been so paranoid about dying for about 1 month now. Sometimes I accept that we all die and it’s normal and the next minute I could be crying about the thought of dying, I wanna stop, it’s taking over my life. I feel like life isnt worth living any more because we all die anyway.

Does dying hurt? This question keeps me up and I cry almost every night thinking about death and I find it hard to enjoy things anymore because the thought of it keeps me paranoid. Im also scared that there’s nothing after death. I’m from a catholic family but im not that religious, but that doesn’t mean I dont believe in God. I wanna be able to see my family again when I die, and the fact that one day, I have to live on this earth without my parents pain me so much, I think i’ll never be ready for that day. Ive been trying to find purpose in life but it feels impossible and hopeless.

1) Choose carefully who you share this with
Do not share this with just anyone especially not with people who have never experienced this kind of fear. They will not understand. They may not want to hurt you, but they will say things that only make it worse.

“You didn’t exist before you were born.”
“Death is just like sleep.”
“Just don’t think about it.”

These may sound calming to them, but for someone in panic, they can feel almost cruel. Because what scares you is not just death. What scares you is the inability to comprehend non existence. What scares you is the disappearance of the “self.” What scares you is a thought your mind simply cannot process.
So choose carefully who you open up to.

2) Change your way of thinking
Do not blindly accept the idea that everything can be explained only by the body, the brain, and biology. I’m not saying reject science but human existence cannot be reduced to something so simple. We are not just matter that turns on once and then turns off. If we were only a body, only a set of chemical reactions, how would we be any different from an object? Why would we carry this strange, almost impossible feeling of “I exist”?
Look at the beginning of the universe at the moment we call the Big Bang. No one truly knows why it happened the way it did. Why are the laws of physics so precise? Why does everything exist in such a fragile balance? Why is there something instead of absolute nothing? We are not even capable of understanding infinity. When we try to imagine it, our minds still create boundaries, shapes, limits. And we cannot understand non-existence either because the moment we try to think about it, we turn it into something.
And in that not-knowing, there is hope. You did not exist for billions of years. There was no consciousness, no thoughts, no voice, no fear, no memories. Just an endless silence in which there wasn’t even a “you” to notice it. And suddenly you are here. You exist. That alone is almost impossible. For you to exist exactly as you are, an unimaginable chain of events had to align: the birth of the universe, the formation of stars, the creation of elements, the formation of Earth, life, evolution, generations of people, coincidences, decisions, bodies, cells, time itself. All of this just for you to be here, reading this, thinking about your own death.
Isn’t that madness? Doesn’t existence itself feel like a miracle? Maybe the real question is not “how” we came to be, but “why.” Why is there life at all? Why is there consciousness? Why are we capable of fearing death if we are supposedly just temporary biological systems? I don’t know the answer. No one does. But that not knowing leaves space for meaning. Maybe existence is not as random as it seems. Maybe our presence here is not empty.
Maybe if something so impossible has happened, there is a reason behind it one we simply cannot understand yet.

3) When your thoughts get louder at night, exhaust your body
I know this is not the healthiest solution. I know it can sound like a coping mechanism a way of running away from your thoughts. But sometimes, when the fear becomes unbearable, you don’t need a perfect solution. You need something that helps you survive the night. Watch movies. Draw. Read. Do anything. Use your hands. Write, play, watch series, create stories anything that keeps your mind occupied. Tire your body so much that when you close your eyes, you no longer have the strength to think. So that only sleep remains. This helped me. Because I had terrifying panic attacks. And sometimes the only thing that saved me was reaching the point where my mind could no longer continue tormenting me.

4) Attach yourself to something greater
Yes, I understand that for some, this is also a coping mechanism. But sometimes a person does not need a dry answer they need a place where their fear won’t be dismissed. If you feel close to religion, go to a church, a mosque any place where you feel calm. Sit there. Stay in the silence. Talk to a priest, an imam, someone who is used to speaking about death not as an end, but as a mystery.
Sometimes, that alone brings peace. Not because you are given proof of what comes after, but because someone is there who will not laugh at your fear.

5) Try to live only here
Right now. Not your past self. Not your future self. Just this breath, this second, this awareness. And try, even for a moment, not to think about who you were… or who you will become. Because the second you do, something shifts you feel time. You feel it slipping. The past reminds you that things are already gone. The future reminds you that things will be gone. And suddenly, this moment no longer feels still it feels like it’s falling. That’s why time feels like it’s flying. Not because it actually speeds up, but because your mind is constantly pulling you away from the present stretching you between what no longer exists and what does not yet exist. Your past self is a memory. Your future self is an idea.
But this moment this exact, quiet, fragile point is the only place where you truly exist. And the more you try to hold onto time, the faster it seems to escape.
Because time is not something you can hold.
It is something you pass through. So maybe the question is not “why is time flying?”Maybe it’s this:
When was the last time you were truly here?

6) Find something to hold on to
A hobby. Something to do. Something to create.
Draw. Write. Learn. Build something anything that is yours. Because emptiness quickly becomes a home for these thoughts. But the more life you put into your days, the less space fear has to grow.
This fear does not make you weak. It means you have felt your own existence deeply. And maybe… there is something almost sacred in that. We are afraid to disappear because being here already feels like a miracle.