How do you communicate to new partner r.e. when your sexual preferences are very specific?
How do you guide a new partner sexually when your preferences are very specific?
I’m in a newer relationship with someone I’m extremely attracted to, but we’re still learning each other physically and I’m struggling to communicate what works for me without getting stuck in my head.
I don’t really enjoy a lot of the “default” foreplay approaches that seem to work for most people my boyfriend has previously been with, like lots of internal stimulation or immediate/direct clitoral touch. What works much better for me is slower build-up, teasing, pressure and more full-body/pelvic contact rather than very focused stimulation.
My boyfriend is genuinely lovely and really wants to understand me properly. He’s very respectful and conscious of boundaries, especially because he knows I had a bad early experience with consent when I was younger. The problem is that he asks me to show or explain what I like, and I completely freeze when I feel watched or perceived. I’m AuDHD and once I become self-aware during intimacy I get stuck in analysis mode and can’t relax again.
My ex and I figured things out much more instinctively over time, but with my current boyfriend I think we’re both trying so hard to “get it right” that it’s accidentally creating pressure.
I don’t think the issue is lack of attraction or chemistry at all, it’s more that I struggle to communicate physically/verbally in the moment without feeling awkward or like I’m killing the mood.
Has anyone navigated something similar? Especially moving from overthinking/performance anxiety into more natural chemistry and guidance with a partner who genuinely wants to learn you?