u/Little_Tonight3268

My one relationship and my friendships always felt surface level, i could never fully trust someone and connect with them on an deep emotional level. I tried dating and i quickly, how can i say, well i don't get bored of them i just don't feel like we can connect, therefore i dislike dating. I do feel the same as others at first, it's new and exciting, but somehow they never feel right. And i'm not talking about mistakes, everyone makes mistakes or says or does something awkward, that's not the problem.

It could be a core wound but i don't know, i don't fear opening up to a person, but i just feel like they can't be trusted with emotional topics. Recently i was talking to a man for 2 days and on the third i already switched and i'm not that interested in him anymore to be honest, then again i recognize red flags pretty well now, so maybe he just pushed a button. We didn't date yet, so i don't want to write him down, but once again this person seems inconsistent to me.

I have no idea whether there is something wrong with me or dating is just garbage nowadays, it could easily be both. We all have problems, but not all of us are willing to change. Besides i'm a magnet for emotionally unavailable or avoidant men as i have realized already. I do have one friend who i open up to but that's all.

I was unknowingly infected by a man, he didn't disclose to me, so by him going down on me i caught herpes last year in January.

Later that year i met a man and we really liked eachother, lot of texting and dating and then came the talk, i told him i have GHSV-1, it's asymptomatic and he said it's okay and not a big deal, we planned long term. I told him everything i know and do to prevent spreading. Then he started fading slowly, he texted less and less and always came up with an excuse to not meet. Then he ghosted me.

And while i'm not sure that's the reason he ghosted, there could be a million reasons, but i can only relate it to the disclosure. It left a deep wound, i don't want to date anymore, i don't want to experience this again. Not sure how to move on from this fear he injected into me? If only he was honest it would have been so much easier.

I had such a calm, happy, peaceful life before i met my ghoster. I took good care of myself, i could focus on my job, i had time for hobbies and then he came along and took away my energy and wasted my time.

The first 2 months were the worst after the silence, i cried so much and felt horrible about myself, overthinking the situation. Now he is good as dead for me. I was in love and that makes us blind, i couldn't see his real self behind the mask. Now that i think back on our dates and read back the texts after this being the 5th month of his ghosting he looks more like a mentally unstable person who has many problems and uses women for egoboost because of his low self-esteem.

I'm glad i was an honest, kind, loving person, i even helped him, my intentions were clear, i'm not to blame. Him on the other hand is a messy person, a coward, his ghosting was a blessing even if it didn't feel like that at first. I can happily say that i have returned to that state of mind i had before, maybe even better.