r/queer

Cal Calamia, Schuyler Bailar and Chella Man teamed up for the relay at the Ironman 70.3 in Oceanside, Calif., about 40 minutes north of San Diego. Together they won third place of about 200 relay teams in the Ironman.

hey ya'll.

Im a queer woman who is married to a man (its still a weird thing for me to deal with tbh bc I feel like ive lost part of my identity because I seem straight passing)

ANYWAY. Im poly but in a monogamous relationship and i absolutely LOVE my husband and I also love women. So I try to be as careful as possible about like not crossing any lines with queer friends, especially new ones because things tend to become some sort of spicy alot if the time.

complimenting each other and ike hyping each other up which can sometimes become a bit. more friendly.

Anyway I made a friend and she's super cool extremely cute and we really really get along but I feel like im developing a crush on her and I am like stuck on how to move forward. im trying my utmost to compliment without flirting etc but the line is getting blurry.

She knows im married and she may not have any crush-y feelings towards me, but i can feel that mine is growing.

Idk i just dunno who to talk to about this. we see each other often because we're part of a workshop which happens multiple times a week.

I was going to mention it to her like casually but that could/would open up a major can of worms.

Im just a bit lost, this has happened to me before in different stages of my life but I still dont know how to deal with it - especially now that im married.

PLS HELP ME. 😭😭 im feeling loopy

Hi, first of all i'm 21(AFAB) and i don't know what to do and what to feel.

I've always been boyish and not feminine at all. I've always wanted to be a boy and i still wanna be a man. My friends were always male and i always feel kinda excluded because, well, for everyone i'm a woman.

But the thing is, i'm not always uncomfortable in my female Body and to be frank, i don't want to transition to a man. I wanna be one naturally, i want the looks and characteristics but not that much to fully transition (realistically).

Some days i feel comfortable presenting feminine (Not many but some).

I have a boyfriend, but it's weird. I feel like that is gay, but it's not, because I'm not a man, you know?

I've came out as nonbinary/genderfluid a few years ago to my parents, friends and boyfriend. My parents didn't respect that. Made up some new "gender neutral" words for sibling (in my language) but these felt wrong and they ignored my concerns. So i dropped everything, with my friends as well to not make things uncomfortable for everyone (Them don't getting it and me having to correct them all the time. I also don't like the attention on my gender. I just wanna...be?)

My boyfriend is amazing. He doesn't say "girlfriend" and these typical nicknames but instead we developed our own. I'm a "Noodle" now. Yay! This not being associated with one gender is really nice.

My biggest issue at the moment is, and i know it sounds so damn silly, gender dysphoria caused by attractive men (?)

I recently got into kpop (Pls don't judge me) and i really like the boygroups Ateez and Stray Kids. and GOD THESE MEN ARE ATTRACTIVE but not in a "I wanna be with them/fuck them" way but in almost an envious "I wanna look like that" way. But then i remember, boom, I'm stuck in a curvy body with a big ass, hips, tits and a face that doesn't suit short hair. And, i don't look very masculine.

Luckily i found a clothing style that doesn't make me uncomfortable (Jeans and a black, band or graphic tee) But i think i want to try a binder for my chest and see how that makes me feel.

But overall in terms of society, my looks are wrong, even tho my behavior is more masculine, always has been. And because of that, i come off weird and "off" and neither fit in with the women nor the men.

I think i could really be just nonbinary with some days leaning more male and some days more feminine. Is that possible? Is that okay?

And how do i deal with the dysphoria?

I'm very sorry for rambling

I’m trying to get some thoughtful perspectives on this because I’m starting to question my initial stance.

I know someone who identifies as a cis straight man, but his life and relationships don’t fit neatly into that box. He’s currently in a relationship with a nonbinary AFAB person who is bi and poly. He also describes himself as poly by orientation, not a lifestyle choice but “this is who I am and always have been”.

He enjoys wearing makeup, does drag, and likes feeling pretty in dresses. He’s expressed attraction to trans women and AFAB nonbinary people, which he still considers within his understanding of being straight.

At one point, he asked me if he could call himself queer. My initial response was no mainly because he identifies as a cis straight man, and I felt like “queer” isn’t a label for people who are straight and cis.

But now I’m questioning that. His relationship is queer, his expression is gender nonconforming, and his attractions don’t feel strictly heteronormative in practice, even if that’s how he labels himself.

So I’m curious how others see this:

Is “queer” something defined strictly by identity labels (like not straight/cis)?

Or can it also reflect lived experience, relationships, and gender/sexual expression?

Was I wrong to tell him he shouldn’t use that label?

Not trying to gatekeep, just genuinely trying to understand where the lines are (if there even are any).