r/nonmonogamy

I was not the adventurous type.

I followed all the rules. I was overly cautious. I didn’t have sex until I turned 18 and I married the second person I ever dated at 22…someone I met in class at a dry college. I was so sheltered growing up that I genuinely did not know people actually met strangers at bars and left with them…to have sex!

Fast forward. I’d been with the second person I ever dated for 12 years, married for 9. We’d recently decided to open our marriage and I was out on my own for the first time at a bar trying to find a stranger to go home with 😈

It was a very hot, humid summer night and I was a little flustered and sweaty when I got to my favorite bar. As I ordered a bourbon on the rocks, I caught the eye of someone just my type: tall, messy hair, blue eyes, great smile. We talked over a few drinks and he casually mentioned he had never been skinny dipping. Neither had I, obviously, but I knew a place that would be perfect…

Before I could overthink it, we were in my car driving to a flooded quarry to go skinny dipping

The quarry closed at dusk. It was very much after dusk 🙊Trespassing with a complete stranger, alone, in the dark, getting completely naked, swimming in water with no visible bottom, the only light was from the full moon overhead… Sooo many things out of my comfort zone.

I should have been freaking out.

Instead I felt nothing but completely, inexplicably free.

We stripped down on the dock, got in the water. It was cool and still and the moon was so full it felt like you could reach out and touch it. I turned around and caught the way he was looking at me and thought: holy shit, who am I?! I had no idea I was capable of being this person.

Here's what I know now that I was only starting to realize then: sometimes the lifestyle doesn't just open your relationship. It opens you. It shows you a version of yourself that was always in there, just waiting for permission to exist.

I spent 30-something years thinking I was someone who didn't do things like that. Turns out I was just someone who hadn't been given the space to try.

If any part of you is curious about who you might be on the other side of hesitation, that curiosity is worth paying attention to.

Even if it scares you a little.

Especially if it scares you a little 😘

My husband (39m) is not interested in sex with me due to medical issues and a severe PA that keeps him from being able to by physical irl. He’s not in treatment or support groups or anything to fix this, he’s just kind of trying to avoid it.

I (34f) am going crazy with the lack of sex and physical attention. I’m considering asking him to allow me to pursue a physical relationship with others. I have no interest in ending our marriage over it, I just need some physical activity!! I’m not ready to become asexual. Has anyone one been in a similar situation? Could we successfully be open for just me since he’s not interested in irl sex with others or me?

Interested if there is a term defining a relation status where you are married to a person you no longer have a sexual relation with, but where you stay together because you love everything else you do together?

If you agree to live under the same roof as friends, still technically married but you have other partners only, is there some term for it? Or are you just married friends?

My only concern is the possibility of us being seen on an app (Fetlife and Feeld seem to be the best options) and how to navigate that. Or being seen by our (adoptive) oldest out in the city with someone other than each other. Not that I would be embarrassed, just that I’m not sure of the best way to address it? If that makes sense.

wife(f37) and I(34M) opened up in july while I was traveling for work things were rocky guidelines broken about sharing when and being honest about everything. I came back found that she she had slept with a friend(21) from work didnt inform me of any of it despite our daily conversations. she alsonhad dreams of having his kid. amd swears they use protection. we worked things out and talked things through. sex life was great between us and then September hit and we went into a routine of maybe once a month. granted we are or were on completely different work shift she work weekend nights I work week days but her friend was basically staying with us worked the same shift as her. he drove her around everywhere and I noticed a little shift asked about things and was told im jealous and just seeing things fast forward to Jan I ended up getting sick for basically the whole mid to end of month could barely work it was kicking my ass. and found out work could move my location and we didnt want to move the kids from their schools and it was out of state things for like a year. and started discussing things with her and I woke up one night I woke up with a nightmare about he leaving me for him and I confronted her about it. and she comes out saying how she loves me but wasnt attracted to me and I turned her off amd our past issues that I personally thought were buried were causing issues and that she has been sleeping with him this whole time(I did not know we are supposed to inform the other if we do she has never done that besides once when she asked permission) and used protection but flushed the condom after and he put the wrapper in his bag to dispose of later. but wants to work on things. and will separate from him and create space. fast forward to now a pregnancy test in feb and doc visit she is 11w1 day... amd concieved when I was sick and dragging my ass to work apologizing to her because i couldn't be there for her. she doesnt believe in abortion and I would never ask her to do something like that was prone to miscarriages but is past when that happens... the friend is kinda obsessive and is trying to control her eating habits and everything (would be his 1st child) I love this woman. granted i havent been with anyone else the entire time we've been open amd just started talking to a girl. wife gets jealous about the two times we have spent together. once was like 5 hours the other because we went to mom amd pop restaurants. no sex just kissing and touching which I told her everything like we agreed upon...I just need advice on trying to cope amd deal with without losing my mind and getting super depressed everytime I hear him talking to her belly or her about pregnancy. deal with them being around each other without thinking things are not going on. especially when im gone for work. she has stopped working to focus more on us, our marriage and our 3 kids... I just dont know how to process this without drinking myself numb. I dont want to take it out on the child because it isnt its fault at all....my wife feels shitty amd a terrible person and constantly apologizes but idk. help? I do go to therapy and started it back around oct, Nov because of them and some work related things

How’d you first have the discussion that it turns you on first about thinking about a third? In the taboo point where we’ve both said at some point over the years during sex. One time wife made out with someone at the club and so did I.

Turns me on thinking about her completely full. But really not sure how to break this that it’s a turn on.

Soooo... My gf (soon to be my wife) wants to "share" me and watch me have sex and give pleassure to other girls and maybe boys from a chair or maybe participate with us, we have some ideas and kinks we want to do, like me hooking up with someone and having sex, just to come home and have sex with her while talking about the adventure.

I'm 25 and she is 22. I don't know a single thing about this stuff. I'm kinda nervous. She lets me choose the girls and i don't know how to search or what words i have to say for this kind of thing. We are both new to this and we are investigating and learning about it online. I'm reading more about it now, we want to do it as soon as possible. I think looking for people on tinder or other apps/sites may be a good idea, but i don't know what to say or search.

I think i'm repeating myself too much lol, i just want to read tips and information from people who know more than me. Thanks for the help in advance.

Imagine you recently became friends with someone new. You text occasionally and it’s completely platonic. He’s not your usual type (maybe younger, older, less fit, or shorter). Your husband sees the texts, notices the flirtiness, and finds it a huge turn‑on. You start incorporating that dynamic into your dirty talk and eventually hook up with the friend largely because it excites your husband. Wives, have any of you done this? How did it turn out? Did you regret it or feel upset with your husband afterward, or were you surprised to enjoy it more than you expected?

Hubby and I want to spice up our intimacy...is it good idea to go ahead with known ones like my ex bf or we should do with strangers?

With strangers, i am scared of STDs.

With known ones I am scared of confidentiality..

heey.

so I'm in a relationship with my lovely wife.

we have been doing the non monogamy thing for a while.

and lately she has been into BBC's!

I'm so excited for her, and it's so funny, I can no longer make her orgasm. super hot!

just thought I'd share my progress.

I'm so happy for her, she's tots her best life!

Venting a little here. Was going to post on here for some help, but my post needed to be checked by the moderators (respect). I decided to post it to another subreddit just because “why not?” I thought.

Maybe it was the way I phrased things. I got a lot of really good advice, both that I wanted to hear and didn’t. I took what worked for me.

But there was this energy from some of the people. Like I was stupid and/or pitiful and that the answer was so simple. “Just close the relationship”.

Honestly a lot of people who said that gave valid advice, this is new for me and I’m getting used to it and shouldn’t completely dismiss the idea that maybe this isn’t for me.

But even the most bone-headed reply was supported and my retort (I was stupid to engage in the first place) disliked. Dude literally was laughing at me while giving the most generic advice and people preferred that over me telling him he’s not as big of a boy as he thinks he is (not my actual reply).

Again it may just be me, but it made me curious so here I am asking. I should know what I’m getting into.