u/TimHortonsDriveThru

Think about how fucked up it is when you’re only in the presence of your loved ones a handful of times per year, while nearly every single day is spent surrounded by miserable people with whom you have zero emotional connection.

Yeah, work isn’t about the human connection. However, life is.

So when I sit at my windowless cubicle, forced to put on a front and pretend like I’m this happy go lucky corporate company man, and everyone around me is putting on the same act, pretending to be passionate about meaningless bullshit, it feels dystopian.

Likewise when I think about how I could drop dead at my desk and not a soul in the building would truly care or mourn. Within a few weeks my position would be replaced. The company wouldn’t even blink.

I mean I only see my parents once or twice a year. I see my friends maybe 4x a year. These are the consequences of moving away from your hometown in pursuit of a “better life”, I get it, but it still sucks.

When I’m not at the office for 40 hours a week, I’m usually in a state of rage, fighting traffic with other depressed, aggressive and/or stressed commuters on the most congested roads of my city.

All for just enough money to get by.

What kind of life is this?

I’m at a point where I don’t even hate the duties of my job. It’s far from a dream career, but I am good at it and I enjoy knowing how to perform in this role.

The environment is what’s crushing my spirit.

I feel the only escape would be remote work. I once had a fully remote position and during that time I was the happiest I’d ever been. I’ve been longing to return to it in some form for the past 4 years. Unfortunately in today’s job market it feels impossible to get back there.

How do you guys cope?

How can I maximize PTO well beyond the standard allowance without being guilted or having my livelihood stripped?

How can I get back to remote work without a specialized degree?

In terms of literally everything besides earning money?

Sometimes I sit here staring at my screen and wonder why I am choosing to waste my existence on such things. I fill my head with pointless information that is of no interest and that I usually purge out of my thoughts the moment I leave the office. Sometimes I imagine what I could accomplish if I had the time and energy to devote to efforts that would actually be fulfilling, or at least make a positive difference in the world.

I haven’t had to search for a job in almost 5 years so I genuinely have no idea. However I am very tempted to jump ship from my current job after getting promised a raise and promotion that never came. It’s been over 2 years without any pay increase. The cost of living is catching up where in another year or two I’ll be underwater. Plus I desperately want to get back into remote work.

All I keep hearing about from people is “hold onto your job, it’s so tough out there.”

But it seems like people always say that sort of thing.

So is the job market really that bad?

I’ll just say it – I’m not a people person.

I have almost zero rapport with my coworkers. My mentality is “get in, do my job and go home.” I have no desire to socialize or make friends at work. Frankly, I don’t even want to be in the office period. While I’m here, I pretty much just plug in my headphones and sit at my desk. I eat lunch in my car. Because of this, I know I am disliked by most of the company.

I’m not the type of person to have conflict with others, but if I am being honest, I don’t work well with a team. I have avoidant social habits. I prefer solitude. My ideal position would be an autonomous one where I work remote, lock in and produce value independently. Office politics have been a lifelong struggle to deal with.

I genuinely wonder if I’m on the spectrum but I’m not diagnosed, nor am I seeking one. What I know for certain is that I’m extremely introverted.

I believe this personality has held me back in the workplace. I have gone over two years without a promotion. My reputation still isn’t all bad. My bosses see me as a competent contributor and a fast learner. They have discussed creating a “specialist“ role rather than sending me down a traditional management path. Probably because I’d suck at managing people. But this was promised months ago and it’s been radio silence ever since. Once again, I feel my personality is the problem.

Even today, I am an expected to delegate a project to one of my coworkers. She basically knows what to do but might require some quick training. The thought of doing this is draining the shit outta me. I just want to do it myself because it would be faster and more efficiently done. I also struggle at explaining things even when I know exactly what to do.

Can anyone else relate? How did you make it in corporate America?