u/cherry-angelxx

So i spent about six years in hospitality before i finally landed a proper office job last year and the difference in the way people actually talk to each other at work is doing my head in.

In the kitchens and behind the bars ive worked nobody had a filter at all. People would tell you about the most chaotic weekend you have ever heard and they would take the piss out of you to your face. They would shout you down across a service if you were doing something stupid and then still buy you a pint at the end of the shift like none of it had happened. There was no performance to any of it because nobody had the energy.

Now im in a corporate office and i genuinely cant tell who likes me or who hates me or who is just trying to climb past me without me noticing. Everyone is polite and smiles in meetings and says "great point" when they think the point was actually rubbish, then you find out months later that two of those people had been talking shit about you behind your back the whole time.

You also cant just say anything anymore. If i said about ten percent of the things i used to hear shouted across a kitchen pass on a friday night in this office id be in a meeting with HR by lunchtime. Honestly half the people in here have probably never had a proper falling out at work in their lives.

Im not saying hospitality is better because the pay is awful and the hours destroy your social life. But the niceness in this office is starting to feel weirder to me than the head chef calling me an idiot ever did. Anyone else come from a job like that into a corporate role and feel the same way?

so a few weeks ago my best friend of about five years texted me about a small gathering at her place. i asked if there was a theme or anything i should know and she said no, just chill, come over whenever.

quick context, im super into mixology, its my thing. i have a travel kit with shakers and a board of bitters and syrups, and anytime our friend group does anything at someones place im the one who shows up with it and makes drinks. ive done it at hers probably a dozen times.

so i show up with the kit and a tote of three nice bottles. walk in and immediately clock somethings off, theres a roast on the table and her husband is in a button down which he literally never wears. he pulls me into the kitchen and tells me her parents are visiting from out of state and tonight is actually a family dinner. i was mortified. asked him three different ways if i should just pack the kit back into the car. he laughed and said please for the love of god make us cocktails, her parents are sweet but the night will be unbearable without something to do with our hands.

so i did. made three rounds across the evening. her parents had one each and stuck with water after that. her mom went quiet for a long stretch and her dad asked me at one point if i did this professionally in a tone i now know wasnt a compliment. they left around 9 saying they had an early morning, even though they were meant to be staying the whole weekend.

next morning my friend went off on me. said i made her parents incredibly uncomfortable, they didnt recognise the person she had become, and they had a long talk with her she did not want to have. said basic situational awareness was to read the room and put the kit away. i told her her husband literally pulled me aside, told me what the night was, and asked me to make drinks anyway.

then i got a text from him. he said he never said that, he had assumed i would read the room myself and stop after the first round, and the fight he is now in with his wife is because of me.

ive tried to explain that i wasnt going off his word out of spite, i thought he knew his own family better than i did. shes not answering. as of this morning theyve both blocked me on everything.

am i wrong?

My husband and I have been married for twelve years and have two kids together and until recently I thought we handled the hard stuff as a team.

Our daughter went through a rough patch last year, some anxiety and low mood that we took seriously and got her proper support for. She has been seeing a therapist for months and genuinely making real progress. Her therapist is happy with how things are going and so am I.

My husband has never been fully on board with the therapy route. He thinks it is not enough and has been quietly looking into residential psychiatric programs that I know from everything I have read are not appropriate for her situation and can actually do serious damage to teenagers who do not need that level of intervention.

Last week he told me he had found a place and wanted to move forward with it. I told him absolutely not and explained why. He told me I was being naive and that I clearly did not understand how serious things were even though her own therapist has said she is doing well.

We have been fighting about it ever since and he is not backing down.

I do not recognise the person I am arguing with right now. The only reason I have not already made a decision is our younger child and not wanting to upend everything. But I cannot stay married to someone who is willing to override our daughter's actual medical care because of his own fear.

AITA for wanting to file for divorce over this?