r/inlawsaretheworst

So apparently my FIL is extremely controlling and has always been the dictator of the family. Everyone follows what he says — my MIL, my husband, even his 35-year-old daughter. He still interferes in her family matters, how her kids should be raised, and even expects her husband and in-laws to follow his opinions.

Last week I went to a wedding. I informed my in-laws before leaving and also told them once I reached safely. After that I got busy with wedding functions and didn’t call for a few days.

When I came back, my FIL taunted me saying my behavior was “very bad” because I didn’t call him during those days. I didn’t reply at that moment because honestly I was angry. Since then I’ve stopped talking to him completely. We live in the same house but for the last 4 days we haven’t spoken at all. He stays in his room, I stay in mine.

Now he’s telling my MIL that I’m ignoring him and not even greeting him. But the reality is we literally haven’t crossed paths.

The issue is, I genuinely feel he just wants control and constant validation. If he was truly concerned, he could have called me too. I’m tired of the expectation that I should always keep updating him just to satisfy his ego. Because my husband knew about my whereabouts all days anyways . And he knew via him also . Right now it is only about why did you not call me .

Now my husband came to me and asked me to compromise because the three of us are traveling together soon. He said, “You’re not wrong, but we’ve all been scared of him since childhood and that’s why everyone listens to him. Please talk to him before the trip otherwise things will escalate badly and we’ll all end up fighting. Do it for peace, not because he’s right.”

And honestly… now I’m confused.

Part of me feels like if I go and talk first, I’m encouraging this behavior again. But another part of me wonders if keeping this silence going is even worth the stress.

Should I compromise for peace even if I feel I’m not wrong? Or should I stand my ground and stop feeding this controlling behavior?

So, bit of a long one but here we go
Me and my sister in law had miscarriages around the same time
We both got pregnant again around the same time, with due dates around a month apart, she was ahead of me and i didn’t know she was pregnant when I got pregnant
She was super supportive during my entire pregnancy and we seemed to bond over our shared trauma and being pregnant at the same time
Fast forward to now, with our 9 month olds and I’ve found out that 2 months after our babies were born she was making some very negative comments about me to my mother in law (no idea what or why!) and that she stated I’m the last person she would have wanted to have had a baby at the same time as her
I always thought we had a good relationship despite us living a few hours away from each other and I really leaned on her in those early post partum days for support and advice
We hadn’t spoken for around a month when these comments were made and I have no idea what I did wrong, or why she felt this way
I guess I just feel super rejected, upset and angry by the whole thing, particularly when I have no idea what I did or said wrong to have caused this

I’m about to be 25, and my fiancé is 24. We’ve been together for almost a year, and our relationship itself has been great, but his family especially his stepmom has been very difficult for me. I’m naturally shy, introverted, and not confrontational, so I already struggle in new social situations. From the first time I met her, things felt off. She was cold toward me, and shortly after, she accused me of lying for my fiancé over something small, which immediately made me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.

As time went on, her behavior continued to make things harder. She made rude or dismissive comments, like saying we wouldn’t be fun, which upset me a lot. She’s also very pushy and invasive she’s tried to control things like how I dress at the gym and pushed me out of my comfort zone in ways that didn’t feel supportive. On top of that, she overshares personal information, including talking badly about her own family and even discussing her sex life, which made me extremely uncomfortable.

I did try to make an effort by spending time with her one-on-one, going shopping, and opening up more. But even then, she came across as judgmental and didn’t respect my boundaries. She often questions or dismisses what I say, which makes me second-guess myself. My fiancé understands how she is and told me I could just stay close to him instead of forcing a relationship with her. However, when I started doing that, it seemed to make things worse. She assumed I was mad at her and kept pressuring me to “be honest,” even though I told her I was just stressed.

Eventually, my fiancé and I took some space from his family, which led to her sending him a rude message saying “you suck” for not visiting or calling enough. Recently, his dad spoke to him about everything and completely defended her behavior. He said she’s just pushy because she loves him and that nothing she did was wrong. When my fiancé tried to explain how her behavior feels, his dad dismissed it, even saying he was being weak and that his feelings weren’t valid. He also criticized me, calling me “meek” and saying I need to adapt or have tougher skin. Hearing that really hurt, especially because they didn’t know I was listening. To clarify he did defend me, but they don’t care. They still think they’re right no matter what.

Now the situation feels even more uncomfortable. It’s clear they don’t see anything wrong with how she acts, and it feels like both of us are being judged instead of understood. At this point, I don’t even want to be around them because I feel disrespected and unwelcome. My fiancé supports me and says I don’t have to see them unless it’s something important like holidays, but I still feel stuck on what to do next because the situation has created so much tension and stress. advice would be appreciated.