I’m about to be 25, and my fiancé is 24. We’ve been together for almost a year, and our relationship itself has been great, but his family especially his stepmom has been very difficult for me. I’m naturally shy, introverted, and not confrontational, so I already struggle in new social situations. From the first time I met her, things felt off. She was cold toward me, and shortly after, she accused me of lying for my fiancé over something small, which immediately made me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.
As time went on, her behavior continued to make things harder. She made rude or dismissive comments, like saying we wouldn’t be fun, which upset me a lot. She’s also very pushy and invasive she’s tried to control things like how I dress at the gym and pushed me out of my comfort zone in ways that didn’t feel supportive. On top of that, she overshares personal information, including talking badly about her own family and even discussing her sex life, which made me extremely uncomfortable.
I did try to make an effort by spending time with her one-on-one, going shopping, and opening up more. But even then, she came across as judgmental and didn’t respect my boundaries. She often questions or dismisses what I say, which makes me second-guess myself. My fiancé understands how she is and told me I could just stay close to him instead of forcing a relationship with her. However, when I started doing that, it seemed to make things worse. She assumed I was mad at her and kept pressuring me to “be honest,” even though I told her I was just stressed.
Eventually, my fiancé and I took some space from his family, which led to her sending him a rude message saying “you suck” for not visiting or calling enough. Recently, his dad spoke to him about everything and completely defended her behavior. He said she’s just pushy because she loves him and that nothing she did was wrong. When my fiancé tried to explain how her behavior feels, his dad dismissed it, even saying he was being weak and that his feelings weren’t valid. He also criticized me, calling me “meek” and saying I need to adapt or have tougher skin. Hearing that really hurt, especially because they didn’t know I was listening. To clarify he did defend me, but they don’t care. They still think they’re right no matter what.
Now the situation feels even more uncomfortable. It’s clear they don’t see anything wrong with how she acts, and it feels like both of us are being judged instead of understood. At this point, I don’t even want to be around them because I feel disrespected and unwelcome. My fiancé supports me and says I don’t have to see them unless it’s something important like holidays, but I still feel stuck on what to do next because the situation has created so much tension and stress. advice would be appreciated.