r/grief

Not dangerous… just the strange, impulsive, irrational & deeply human things nobody really talks about.

For me, when I lost my mum, it was things like:
- agreeing to fly to a wedding in Italy with someone I barely knew, it was a disaster

- absolutely losing my shit at a car rental place over something minor and bursting into tears (they were wrong… but my reaction was wildly out of character)

- listening to the same song on repeat because it was the only thing that made me feel close to them

- ignoring texts for days and then feeling upset nobody was checking in

I’m building content around the realities of grief that people don’t talk about enough, and I’d genuinely love to hear others’ examples.

What’s something grief had you doing that was a little bit unhinged?

No one will tell you this because you will discover it over time. You will feel it in your greatest joys and your deepest sorrows. Its presence will surprise you when you are bored and when you are filled with passion. It comes unannounced, and you cannot refuse this guest.it’s been a while and I will never get over

Just curious, no wrong answers here. If your wife or husband passed and were buried, how often do you visit them? I’m mostly curious about those who live close to the cemetery. For me I find cemetery visits to be very comforting. I don’t do a lot of talking or crying. Usually just sit with them and think. I know there are people who do not visit, who don’t find the same comfort. What about you?

This probably sounds irrational, but it’s honestly been eating at me lately.

My dog passed away recently and I’ve been trying to choose an urn for the ashes. I finally found one I really liked, but now my brain keeps getting stuck on this one thought over and over.

What if it doesn’t seal properly?

Like… what if one day I accidentally knock it over and ashes come out. Or humidity gets in somehow. Or the lid loosens without me realizing. I know people keep telling me “ashes are safe” and “urns are made for this,” but my anxiety keeps going there anyway.

I think part of it is because this doesn’t feel like “just an object” to me. It’s my dog. The idea of anything happening to the ashes makes me feel physically sick.

I even caught myself checking the closure type on different urns for like an hour straight last night instead of sleeping. Screw-top lids, sealed lids, glue, airtight descriptions… I don’t even know what’s normal anymore.

And then I start wondering if I’m focusing too much on these little details because my brain can’t fully deal with the fact that my dog is actually gone.

I don’t know if anyone else has had this fear. I feel ridiculous even typing it out, but it’s genuinely stressing me out a lot.

He killed himself. I feel so fucking sick i should've been able to do better for him, he was all i had and i don't know if I'm gonna be able to keep going with all of this bullshit in my life.

My Dad passed almost a month ago from a battle with ALS. My grief process has been so strange. In some ways, I had already processed some of it since he was sick for so long, but I couldn’t have anticipated how much it would hurt. I still automatically think to text him multiple times a day. All of his favorite music makes me cry. He was only 60 years old and just wanted so badly to have his “third act”, enjoying life after retirement.

I’m mourning all of the little things - telling him that my husband got the new job, sending him a picture of a bird I saw, asking for advice on car insurance.

It just feels like a big void in my life and I somehow still can’t totally believe he’s gone forever.

Hi, I'm 23 years old and I lost my dad exactly 6 months ago today.

He was kind and always tried to find joys in little things, which I only realise now , how far he was from materialistic joy and just wanted to be with his family anytime he could. I miss him a lot. He was always so proud of me and the biggest celebrator of my achievements. No achievement of mine feels as good without him around.

Tell me about your loved one. Who were they? What do you miss the most about them?

I'm 45. On mother's Day I received a call from my dad. I'm in Chicago and the rest of my family is in st. Louis. He told me they were at the hospital and that she had had a heart attack. It was all very hectic and we decided to sit tight for a bit until we found out more. We ended up having to drive to st. Louis at 3am Sunday night/Monday morning to the hospital.

My family kept her on life support until my wife and I could get there. Once we arrived I said my goodbyes and we turned the machines off.

The drive back yesterday evening I was doing ok. When I woke up this morning I was a mess. I was bawling for hours. For at least the last 10 years or so I call my mom every morning at 7am. I hated calling her and if I didn't call she would call me worried. I always called because my dad said she looked forward to it every day.

I couldn't call this morning but this time I really wanted to. I wasn't in a good mood Sunday morning but I'm so glad I was able to say happy mother's day to her.

She was only 72 and in good health. It happened so fast it feels like I'm stuck in a nightmare. Memorial Day weekend we are having a celebration of a life party which I will be heading back to st. Louis for. She's being cremated and we are all getting some of her ashes. I think I might plant a tree in the backyard with some of them.

I have thought as they got older about how it would feel if one of them passed away. It's 100 times harder than I imagined. I feel like a part of me is missing. None of us got to say a proper goodbye. The mornings are going to be extremely hard for a while. I almost was going to call her off hone this morning but had to remind myself she wasn't there to answer.

My best friend’s husband died yesterday and I am searching for advice on how to best support her. When she called me to tell me yesterday, she told me she needs time to process and to not go over there. Today, I checked in and she was responsive to me and told me how she was feeling, but did not respond to the messages specifically about me offering to bring her lunch or to swing by to give her a hug as I told her I didn’t want to overwhelm her and she responded to other parts of the message but not that. We’ve been friends for over 20 years so I am sad I can’t read between the lines to tell if it was avoidance so I wouldn’t come over or acceptance so I would go over. I want her to know Im there for her and to know if she wants to be alone because she is not accepting anyone’s offers and is trying to be strong or if she truly doesn’t want to be around people at this time. Any advice on how to approach or support or navigate? He wasn’t even 40 and it was so sudden and I’m just lost on how I can help her process it all.

Just want to get it off my chest before tomorrow.
I have two great kids. my husband passed going on 7 years ago this year. He was an ass about Mother’s Day, because “I wasn’t his mother”. My own mother is an abusive POS who is cut out of my life. I hate celebrating Mother’s Day but I go through the motions for my kids sake.
They like to make me tea and toast for breakfast so I can have breakfast in bed and they love to surprise me with what they made at school.
It feels weird to buy myself things for Mother’s Day, so I don’t (it’s also not in budget) and this year I just… I dunno. I’m just really in my feelings over it.
I didn’t choose to be a single mom but I CHOSE to stay single to raise my babies as best I could. It’s so hard and a thankless job to boot.
My kids are so sweet, and I appreciate what they do for me.
I am sad for the way things played out is all.

**Edit to clarify: I don’t want this post to come off as whiny. I posted it here because I am grieving the loss of my husband still. Im at a stage with the grief where I am more angry than sad with him due to how he left us. I am so angry that he is gone and that he left me to carry all the burden of parenthood alone.

I’m grieving the loss of a mother presence in my life, for mine is a deep well of toxicity and trauma. I wish I had the support and love and guidance that I idealize in what l didn’t have growing up. The longer I am a mother, the harder it is to wrap my head around how my own mom was and I grieve the childhood I never got and I weep for what younger me was subjected to.

I don’t have much of a support system in my life and I don’t want my kids to see me cry. Stupid commercialized holidays.

My ex bf passed away in a car crash. He was 26m. So him and I dated I really liked him - he wanted to marry quick. It was too fast for me. I declined. i asked him to keep dating and he said we will have to go our separate ways because he knew then that he wanted me. We split. I dated others, he got married. Jan- Feb we reconnected briefly and platonically asked how life treated one another. Good enjoyable convo.

Then in March he found out his wife cheated on him. Horribly, with many men, recorded it and with prostitutes, he watched all the videos. He became suicidal - I spent two months there for him on the phone talking him down from suicide. i couldn't imagine a life where I couldn't talk to him. Apr 6, I confessed my strong emotional and physical feelings for him and he said he was excited to be with me once his divorce finalized this summer. Apr 8, he passed in a car crash. I was on holiday no connected the rest of april and I found out last week. I think there is no future man for me. i hurt so much my stomach and head hurt so bad, i think God took my one chance at deep love. I never said i love you precisely but i did tell him I had strong emotional and phsyical feelings and I cared for him through his darkest time. He knew I loved him didn't he? Please help, God knows everything and I believe in him but I don't beleive I have a good future

M26, mom passed away 3 years ago and the grief has gotten worse. I’ve been in therapy, on medication, and it still hasn’t gotten better. Nightmares have increased, panic attacks have increased, and depression has increasingly gotten worse to the point I’m unemployed. I am barely hanging on and I’m not sure what to do.

So my best friends dad just died this morning (May 5th) and he was like a second father to me as well. But since its her father I guess idk what to do for her? I wanted to get a sympathy card but I feel those can be useless and doesn't help. She was very close with her dad. I messaged her earlier and she read it but never answered. Ive never expierenced grief like this thats shes expiercing so I guess I want to know what to do and what not to do.

She died yesterday and I just got the call about it an hour ago. They told me she died suddenly and didn't know the cause yet. She wasn't elderly or anything, just middle aged. I always thought I would have to find a new therapist because she would retire, not die. I'm feeling very sorry for her family, she had two adopted teenagers. Now they're orphans twice over.

She had been my therapist for 7 years. From 15 years old to last week.

I sent my psychiatrist a message asking for in network referrals.

I really clicked with my therapist and she was a really important part of my life and growth.

She also inspired me to go to grad school, i want to be a therapist myself.

She liked horses and animals. I don't really believe in an afterlife but if I did I would hope she was doing something she'd enjoy somewhere not on earth. Maybe riding horses somewhere.

If you could have just one more ordinary day with the person you lost — no miracles, no warning, just one real day together — what would you do?

I think many of us would choose the smallest things:
a conversation, a meal, a walk, hearing their voice again.

What would your day look like?

Creuztfeldt-Jacob disease we think, though the tests from his lumbar draw aren't even back yet, but the doctors said that's almost certainly what is was. He'd been having memory issues and confusion lately. Alzheimer's runs in his family, it killed his father thirty years ago.

He went for an MRI and cognitive test back in January or February, and they came back normal, but obviously something was wrong. The day before Easter he was feeling so anxious and confused he called 911. This time the MRI showed the right hemisphere of his brain all eaten away with white spots. The next day, against the advice of the doctors and nurses and with my mom begging him not to, he checked himself out of the hospital. So we had Easter together, but he was in a really bad way.

He was back in the hospital by the next weekend and deteriorated fast. Couldn't walk, barely could talk and soon not at all. My parents live about a 2 hour drive from me, so I cleared my weekends for the foreseeable future. Spent all weekend last week with my mom at their house and with him in the hospital.

He came home on hospice this Saturday. I was supposed to head back to my place Sunday night but he had deteriorated so much more, so quickly, I didn't think he'd last the night, so I called my boss and I stayed. I stayed up with him all night.

He knew he was dying the last time he'd been admitted, even though nobody else did yet, and told my mom he didn't want to die there, he wanted to die at home. So I told him over and over he was safe here at home, we had him set up in a bed in the living room, the dogs were over on the couch, we were all here with him and it was okay. I told him over and over how much I love him, and that I know he loves me. I played his favorite band The Beatles for hours. He always slept with the tv blasting all night anyway.

We had a somewhat difficult relationship and my family is one of those that doesn't confront our issues, we just play nicey-nice with each other, and I have bitterness and loads of regrets, but at least we had this time together. I don't know how much he could understand at this point but whenever I spoke he'd turn his head toward me and his ragged breathing would quiet for a little bit.

He died at 8:18 pm. My mom was on his left side, my brother at the foot of the bed, I was seated at his right holding his hand and rubbing his shoulder. Every time his breathing would get really bad and then stop, I felt for the pulse in his wrist. I knew finally when I wasn't gonna feel it, and I didn't. I waited 20 or so seconds before I said it. He took a few more rattly spaced-out breaths and that was it.

Now he's gone. They came and took the body. I gave him one last big hug before they did and bust into tears. He was 72. Their 52nd wedding anniversary is tomorrow. I don't know what to say or do besides just be here for my mom.

Not physically.
But something in you.

Maybe your peace
Maybe your sense of home
Maybe your ability to trust life again

When my first funeral as a pastor involved a child who lived only a few hours, I realized grief does not only bury people — sometimes it buries parts of us too.

What changed in you after loss?

Last night (3/2/26) my (32f) husband (39m) suffered a heart attack. I was right there. I did cpr the best I could. I know the 911 call was less than 5minutes, but it felt like five years. When he was taken away they said he had a pulse. But not even forty minutes later the hospital said he was gone. I don't think I've ever screamed like that before. Something inside me is torn open and I can't close it. I've lost loved ones before. Mom, nana, papa. He was my rock through everything. I woke up because he was always beside me. For the last ten years I have not been away from him. I've been numbly laying in bed. Staring at his side. The side he died on. I watch our dog search the house for him and cry out when she can't find him. I watch our car follow suit. They come to me and snuggle me as I let out pained sobs and screams. People keep sending condolences. I accept them because they are kind. But NOTHING dulls the pain. It hasn't even been a full 24hrs. I know that one day maybe it won't hurt this bad. But every minute that passes the hurt gets worse. The negative thoughts creep in again and again. I find myself staring at nothing and then I look around for him. Like my brain keeps forgetting that he's gone. Like I expect he will just walk into the bedroom and tell me about the new videogame he was playing or the new manga he found to read. I find myself just scrolling my phone mindlessly. Nothing in this life makes sense. Nothing in this world feels real. I just want my husband back. I don't care for anything else.