Just curious, no wrong answers here. If your wife or husband passed and were buried, how often do you visit them? I’m mostly curious about those who live close to the cemetery. For me I find cemetery visits to be very comforting. I don’t do a lot of talking or crying. Usually just sit with them and think. I know there are people who do not visit, who don’t find the same comfort. What about you?
My stepmom was with my dad for about 20 years, married for about 12. She had nothing before him. My dad built a successful business and she worked alongside him. So together they created some decent wealth, decent to me anyway. My dad wasn’t a spender, he preferred to invest, while my stepmom was addicted to shopping and became a mild hoarder. Anyway, he passed away unexpectedly, apparently had no will, and there was no probate court hearing as he shared all accounts and finances with my stepmom. My dad had 4 biological children (none with my stepmom) and a stepdaughter. It has been 1.5 years and my stepmom has never mentioned any sort of inheritance from my dad’s passing. Anything I have of his following his death I either took on my own (sweaters), or had to ask for as a gift on Christmas (a necklace). I really don’t want to sound like that family member who gets upset over the money following a death, but it’s always bothered me that she’s never addressed it. Immediately following his death she has gone on numerous trips, had elective surgery, bought a new car, bought new everything for the house, and just recently bought a home bigger than the one she shared with my dad with kids under the roof. She spends and spends and always wants to show off her new stuff and part of me is very resentful toward her for it, while the other part of me knows money is bull shit, and while she has to compensate her feelings of self worth with it, I do not. I don’t need an inheritance. But knowing the money she has today wouldn’t have been possible without my dad, that he likely would have wanted his kids to have some it, and she refuses to acknowledge this very obvious aspect of death just irritates me. Am I wrong? I refuse to bring it up to her because I’m always “the one” in my family to do everything. I have siblings who are just as curious and resentful yet they won’t mention it. I know they look at me like I should be the one, because if shit goes wrong, I’m the one who looks greedy while they look like they only care that their dad is gone.
Also, everyday she is within a few miles of his grave site and has only gone to visit twice. When I say I’m going to visit she will say “oh yeah I was planning on going too,” then doesn’t. I live out of state and have visited him 20 times for her 2. I will come back after months of being away and the flowers I brought during my last visit will still be there, dead. I try not to think of these things very often. I know what matters is what I have with my dad even in his death. Idk what I’m looking for, maybe some reassurance that I’m not crazy for thinking she’s in the wrong, maybe some kind advice for moving beyond this (without suggesting I have a conversation with her about it), maybe some similar experiences. Thank you