r/gaybros

I'm a 27M (top) and when it came to sex I would just get on Grindr, talk to guys and if one seemed cool and I vibed with him I'd plan to meet, I started with guys at 19 after breaking up with my gf. I am bi, or was idk just been with men for a long time now, but I guess I approached it as we need to talk, go on a date and then sex.

Slowly I got used to guys just wanting to skip all that and just go for sex, which I was ok with but only condoms. Once I was off my parents insurance I got prep and doxy and hooked up more often. Still I would try and keep FWB's, at most 3-4 regularly. I've had 3 boyfriends, and after my latest breakup I got tired of wanting to form a relationship, so I began to experiment with just confirming someone is STI free and hooking up nsa. I've had a great time so far. Met a really cute twink and we are seeing each other every weekend (so a FWB), and a twunk who I also see probably every two weeks if our schedule matches up, I got with a small group of gays who like to smoke and jerk together, had my first orgy with them (4 of us in total) and they were treating me as the center of attention. They also want to keep up with me since they try to meet once a month and enjoyed having me join in. One of them is really kinky and likes to go to bathhouses but only with someone he trusts is STI free and on perp, he wants us to have sex there but not let anyone join since he just loves public stuff like that with others watching.

I also recently made a gay friend. We aren't into each other sexually but seems to him I'm a "virgin" to the gay world. Saying I need to go to gay clubs, bars, strip clubs and shows. I never went to Pride either and says I should since I will certainly get attention. Like I said before I just did sneaky, DL hookups and more of a dating aspect. This new approach feels more free and exciting. As long as I'm being careful I think I overall just prefer it. I also think I'm realizing I'm more attractive then I thought.

Showing my face on Sniffies and Grindr has got me more responses and it's a huge confidence boost for me. I've become more verbal and dominating during sex and also seems to be making hookups want to keep seeing me.

I've noticed this pattern happening EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Literally I've never dated anyone, not in highschool, and not in uni (I'm 22) either.

Living in a country where I have a language barrier doesn't help the case. Being gay already reduces my chances by almost 70% too.

I started putting myself out there only last year, and since then, I've matched with a lot of ppl, but as soon as they ask me out I chickened out. For sex, I'm fine. But, if it's a date, the anxiety of weather they'd like me enough, makes me cancel the plan.

For example, I have a uni crush, and he happens to be gay too. Our positions also match. And I hit me up on Instagram and made it clear that Im into him. And he also reciprocated more or less. But then when he asked me for a ice-skating date, I got so nervous I said no. Also, he is stuck up on his ex, so maybe in the back of my mind, I was like I don't want my first relationship to be a rebound one.

Another example, another person, we met on Grindr (not met physically yet), but since he was not my type, I asked him if he wants to be friends (I had no gay friends so), and even when we talk on ft, he sometimes hits on me, but I ignore them.b

Is something broken in me? Seriously, pls tell me it gets better if I change my country again (I even chose a field where it's super difficult to get a job abroad, needs endless qualifications)?

I’m a gay guy in my early 40s and have been with my partner for 14 years. Lately things have felt off, and I’ve been quietly paying attention to patterns for a while now.

If I so much as glance at another attractive man, he gets upset and asks if that’s what I want instead of him. Meanwhile, our sex life has basically disappeared. I’ve felt lonely and, honestly, a bit used emotionally. And honestly, I feel used financially. I’m the one who carries the brunt of the expenses for everything.

Recently, after a series of arguments about intimacy and trust, I made the decision to look at his phone. I know that’s controversial, and I’m not proud of it. But what I found shook me. He’s been having explicit sexual conversations with other men for years. This was an issue once before, and I truly believed we had worked through it. Now it looks like the behavior started up again not long after that.

What makes it even more confusing is that he’s very vocal about not wanting an open relationship and even mocks the idea. So there’s this strange double standard where he polices my behavior but is secretly crossing boundaries himself.

I’m hurt, angry, and embarrassed. Some of the conversations were with people we both know, which makes it feel even more personal. After 14 years together, I never imagined I’d be here, questioning everything and wondering how much of our relationship has been real.

Love hurts right now. A lot.

And I’m struggling to figure out what the right next step is.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this, especially in a long-term relationship?

How did you decide whether to try to repair it or walk away? Happy to take to a private convo if you don’t want to add to the comments.

Something that annoys me, which I know it really shouldn’t because words change, is when someone used Switch and verse interchangeably! To my understanding Vers is about position and switch is more of a BDSM term for being able to dom or sub depending on the situation. The use of switch as vers bothers me because to me it implies a position has a default dynamic. Anyways am I wrong in my definition of these words or are those the actual definitions and therefore not interchangeable?