r/exjew

Look at article and Flatbush girl story and let
Me know your thoughts

Like if you have something you’re into do you just hope your spouse is into it too? It’s probably not a dating topic

Trump send out a proclamation that Jews should be keeping Shabbos and now lots of people are seeing this as a sign for mosiach. Really rabbi Kessin says Trump is Eisav, as the Torah says Eisav will do teshuva before Moshiach comes, and Trump has even recently stated that he and Bibi “are brothers”. Like where did they go to… Does the whole Jewish world have to walk in line of what an American president wants or does. I’m not an American but still i need to worship a president. This is a wider question: how extreme is the worship of Trump in American orthodoxy? Like give examples? I go OTD if someone has a picture of Trump next to the chofetz chaim.

When will kiruv centers realize the harm they cause people?

What does everyone think about the aguna crisis and Flatbush Girl’s new career? Especially her posting illicit images on her stories.

link for context

My mom was a reform Jew, she married a non Jew and became a Christian (still claims to be Jewish, idk). Despite her refusal of religious laws and knowledge being uncomfortable, I had a secular upbringing until I was about 13-14 and became a BT following both parents cancer, mental health, physical health, and then dad cheating.

I was helped by kiruv rabbis and led into this. At 15, I‘ve really bought into it but was starting to realize how odd and controlling it all is. My mom was always there to pray to Jesus in front of me, feed me treif food, and keep me kind of off the derech. It was offensive, but it also may have been necessary since I would have never seen the light of day if raised in frumkeit. Now, I’m kind of at a crossroads after being able to research theology. I visited a Catholic Church and started studying Catholicism. It looks good so far, but I may forsake organized religions altogether.

The issue is how crazily burnt into my brain everything from kiruv, Torah, Mishnah, Gemara, th words of the Ramban/Rambam is, as well as Yiddish (I’ll always love it)

Also the horrible things they say about people who convert out, and even those that retain the culture of Jewish while being another religion or an atheist.

Makes me afraid to put on a shtriemel or even ant kind of black suit or hat. I keep asking my Refom Bubbe to buy me Judaica as gifts for some reason, just to comfort me. The frum world was there for me but then I realized how restrictive and cruel it was. Then I start humming MBD, Fried, or Hershkowitz.

Also, IM BREAKING SHABBOS, Come and get me, farshtunkeners!

Also messianic movement stinks. Truly abhorrent what they have done to make it seem as everything with a complicated religious background is a missionary

Are (or ex Jews) aware of just how much of Islam is essentially copy and pasted from the Talmud? Not the Torah, the Talmud. Almost every chapter in the koran contains something Talmudic. And it goes beyond just mere fairytale stories, random quotes of ancient Jewish rabbis in the talmud are in cooperated into the koran, the specific names and terms that those Jewish rabbis would use to describe god in Hebrew are also incorporated into the koran, and I believe a Talmudic concept of Hebrew letters that make up some kind of a code are also found in the koran, everything about koranic judgement day, hellfire, “jinns” (imaginary ghosts in Islam), embryology, cosmology, the five pillars, literally everything has a very deep Talmudic influence to it

And then it gets even more strange as it isn’t just the koran alone that’s so heavily plagiarised from the Talmud. It goes even further beyond the koran. All of Islamic literature is heavily influenced by the Talmud. The companions of mohamad plagiarise from the Talmud, many Hadiths of Mohamad talking are of him speaking of Talmudic concepts. For example I’ve seen ex Jews on this sub in the past talk about how the Talmud contains Jewish rabbis believing in crazy superstitious myths things like for example “oh if you sleep on your left shoulder the devil will lean on your right shoulder and bite you” or whatever strange stuff like that that you’ll find these Jewish rabbis talking about in the Talmud are also found all throughout the Hadiths.

And then finally it gets even more strange when you realise that commentaries of the koran by medieval Islamic clerics and “scholars” are also heavily influenced by the Talmud. We call it “tafsir”, which basically means exegete or interpretation (of the Koran). The same way you have the Torah and the Talmud, is the same way Muslims have the koran and the tafsir.

And tafsir (commentaries of the koran by Muslim clerics)….are also using the Talmud to explain the koran

It’s so weird and I wonder how many Jews or ex Jews especially are actually even aware of this and if they are, how it makes them feel? There’s 2 billion people in this world who, what you guys consider to be the meaningless words of some crazy rabbi 2000 years ago, two billion people out there actually believe that those are the eternally written words of the guy who created the universe lol (and none of them know it).

Hi everyone!

I first posted here about 5 years ago asking for advice about dating non-Jewish people and how to deal with my family’s opinion and judgment.

I just want to tell anyone who might be, or will one day be, in the same situation that it’s hard, but it will get better. I was terrified to tell my parents (especially my mother) about any boyfriend I had, because I was afraid they would completely reject me and cut me off from the family. Seriously, I spent years living a secret life in constant paranoia that they would find out, and it ended up ruining all of my relationships.

Then I met the guy. The one I knew I couldn’t lose.

So I did it. I introduced him to my parents.

At first, things were okay… until they weren’t. My mother suddenly snapped and told me she didn’t recognize me anymore and how hurt she was by my choices. And honestly, I don’t even come from a very religious household, just a very “traditional” family, where marrying or being with a Jewish partner was considered extremely important.

From there, things were pretty hard for a few months. We argued a lot, she told me things that were really hard to hear, and she tried to convince me to leave him. But I didn’t. For the first time in my life, I was so sure about my choice that I couldn’t walk away. He gave me the strength to hold on.

And you know what? With time, everything got so much better.

Three years into the relationship, we’re living together (not married), he’s invited to every Shabbat and holiday, she spoils him with birthday gifts, and even cooks his favorite meals for him. She worked so hard on herself, and I couldn’t be prouder of her. She’s amazing. Honestly, it also helped repair our relationship, we’ve never been closer.

All of this is just to say that even if it seems impossible (I never dreamed I could have both love and my family in my life), and even if it’s terrifying, your parents might surprise you. Things really can get better.

Just take the chance. You truly never know what can happen.

Thanks for reading!

Hello everyone I wanted to say that yeah basically I'm done with being Jewish all together the good thing is my last name is not purely Jewish and non Jews also possess it.

But generally I just can't stand having to watch my back 24/7 like no matter where I go, no where is safe to be a Jew is something I learned again and again while being in university studying philosophy/sociology etc. I'm also not making aliyah I don't want to die for any military of any country at all, and as well despite being safer for Jews there, not always like this is the weird thing you can be just relaxing in your apartment that you work like a slave to afford only to then be randomly hit by a rocket or as well you go to a place to hangout again for some crazy thing to happen to you wether it's an explosion, stabbing, whatever.

And as well many ethnicities nowadays especially in the west are much more symbolic than how they used to run secularization and atheism killed everything it meant to be a human in a pre industrial society.

Like I just can't stand it, I'm too depressed, to broke.

Every single day is just trying to keep status, strive for more status or whatever I'm done. I'm gone, idk what I'm going to do (I live in the U.S. btw) everyone in this country is some sociopath.

So … my kid’s dad is non-Jewish. My kid is also funny, smart, and popular in his own special, nerdy, math-and-pop-culture way. If anyone gives a fuck that his dad is not Jewish, that’s their fucking problem and not something that I or he should ever apologise for. I want him to be as proud of who he is as I am.

My family are all ultra orthodox. And now I have my brother in law, a local community rabbi, telling me that I should -

1. give all the frum kids in my son’s class bar mitzvah presents that I can’t afford
2. ask my mother for a loan to do so

And why? Because

1. “his [my kid’s] situation is already really complicated”
2. “it’ll make him more popular”

Seriously? My kid is popular already. He doesn’t need, and nor do I need, the kind of ‘friends’ that come with writing large checks. Nor do I want, or need, to go begging my parents for social engineering subsidies.

I’m so angry that my body temperature has risen by a couple of degrees. Is this what religion is about? Making a 12 year old ashamed of their family and prompting them to BUY friends? What absolutely fucking rotten, insular values.

I sent him a voice message: thanks Yaakov, but I think you’re projecting a bit here. I don’t want [my son] to ever be ashamed of what he is or to feel he has to buy friends. Baruch Hashem, he’s well-adjusted and popular.

(I’d love to go get high or drunk now to block this out but yeah. I’m a mother. I just have to be boring and sensible and go do the ironing now. Fuck all of them.)

FUCK CENSORSHIP

https://www.instagram.com/p/DYFDKZbgldK/

I've seen a decent number of people living in their parents' home breaking shabbos on here. Does you accessing the wifi not pop up on the router? My dad is fairly tech savvy and would likely notice if it does. Any tips to get around this? Shabbos is getting a bit lonely and it'd be nice to be able to study, do schoolwork, or just scroll during it! Thank you in advance :)

I’m convinced that Catholicism is true (BTW THIS IN NO WAY MEANS TO PROSELYTISE. I HATE THE FORCING OF ANY RELIGION ON ANYONE)

But I truly love the food, culture, aesthetics, music, and beauty of the frum community. Everything within Judaism is so beautiful to me but the controlling aspect hurts. I feel just genuinely sad that I have to leave it all behind and like I’m “crucifying myself” by doing this. Just a slow and agonising process as my frum self slowly dies.

All of the rules and the sexism and strictness were bad, but I’ve never experienced such a high that I did at farbengens, NCSY, and more. It’s just so sad. Whenever I’ll think in Yiddish, or see an old siddur or a kippah. I’m so absolutely ruined by this, about them making me feel like I’m an avodah Zarah nutcase for being Catholic and bi.

I also just genuinely think that this tradition is so darn beautiful but I will never be able to wear a shtriemel again as a fun thing, I’ll never be able to sing “Chazak!” Again, an I’ll be looked at as a dirty sinner for doing so.

I love the Jewish community and always stanbwith them but this de-frumming is so sad

Is Orthodox Judaism a Cult?

The word cult usually brings to mind something dark and dangerous brainwashing, manipulation, abuse, isolation, and a powerful leader controlling every aspect of people’s lives. We imagine barbed wire, total loss of personal freedom, and members trapped inside a system they cannot question or leave.

If that is what we mean by a cult, then Orthodox Judaism clearly does not fit that picture.

But maybe the issue isn’t only the group itself, maybe it’s how we learn about insular communities in general. Most of what outsiders hear about closed or highly traditional societies comes from people who left them. Naturally, those voices often focus on pain, restriction, or negative experiences. That’s understandable; people rarely tell dramatic stories about ordinary contentment.

Yet if someone who knows nothing about Orthodox Judaism watched only critical YouTube videos or read only negative personal accounts, they might walk away convinced that Orthodoxy is oppressive, joyless, and harmful. The same dynamic exists with almost any tight-knit or countercultural community.

So what actually is a cult?

Rebbitzion Merriam-Webster defines a cult as “a group with beliefs or practices regarded as coercive, insular, or dangerous.”

Orthodoxy is certainly insular in many ways. But “coercive” and “dangerous” feel like much stronger claims, ones that I think even most former Orthodox Jews themselves would not recognize as descriptions of their lived experience.

Wikipedia offers another angle: “social groups with unusual or extreme religious beliefs and rituals, often involving intense devotion to a particular person.”

By that definition, Orthodox Judaism, and especially certain Hasidic communities may indeed appear unusual or extreme from the outside, and strong reverence for religious leaders certainly exists.

But here’s the deeper question: does unusual automatically mean harmful? Does intense devotion automatically mean evil?

This leads to a question I’ve struggled with for a long time:

Is truth more important than happiness?

If a system teaches beliefs that are mistaken, yet many of its members live meaningful, structured, and emotionally fulfilling lives is that system wrong simply because it isn’t true?

I’ve gone back and forth on this myself, and I’m genuinely curious how others here think about it.

Bonjour,

Où est ce que je pourrais me procurer un Tanakh, je n’ai aucune librairie juive dans ma ville et dans les alentours, le mieux serait donc par internet, pouvez-vous me conseiller des librairies sur internet fiable ?

Merci beaucoup par avance.

I’m done letting the frum world telling me to be who I am. I am mixed with over 4 cultures. I have a background of many different religions. I was a BT for 2 years going on 3. Both my parents are now Christian (mom left Judaism). I am a proud liberal feminist Catholic now. I don’t care what frum has to say. I will still wear my black suit and hat out for being cool because I love it, I will devour kugel, cholent, and shakshuka. I am no longer allowing this world to define me. A world that mistreats women, suppresses education, and more.

We are all equal as humans. We are all deserving of love. You are all my friends and I hope that you guys love me the same way I love you. I want to aspire to get my college degree and get a job where I can make loads of money for charity and helping others. I want to genuinely better the world. LEGITIMATE TIKKUN OLAM.

I am done with a rabbi telling me I’m gonna go to gehiniom for eating not kosher, for having a poster of Molly Ringwald in my room (I’m 80’s obsessed and neurodivergent), that I’m gonna have to “own up for it in the next life of truth,” and that I’m going to gehiniom for being Catholic, that I’m bad for being a Shvartze (no one called me it but I read stuff from various frum sources and stuff and it made me sad as I’m mixed), or that caring for others before the frum world isn’t good. I am ready to be free. Sie Gezunt! Shaloom, adios! That I’m going to gehiniom, gonna rock it up there with ELVIS PRESLEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Shalom and thanks for coming to my rant

Also, I’m gonna make it clear that I am not in any way antisemitic. I will always have a massive love for the Jewish people, Yiddish, and more. For some reason the frum lands called me an antisemite for choosing a different path and being OTD. Said my Yiddishkeit is gone

(Also ps I don’t support messianic “Judaism”)

I know a lot of what we talk about in this group is dissecting myths promoted by the community. Some have weight, some don’t.

One I hear a lot is the myth that frum marriages are more stable or valued.

Honestly, in the community I was from divorce was rampant. Like, half the people I was close with were divorced. Theres a whole 40s-50s divorced scene. Even the right wing shuls have extensive single parent groups now. Many people I knew were divorced, some more than once. I see less divorce in my secular family or friends who aren’t religious or aren’t Jewish.

Is this a thing or is it just me?