So … my kid’s dad is non-Jewish. My kid is also funny, smart, and popular in his own special, nerdy, math-and-pop-culture way. If anyone gives a fuck that his dad is not Jewish, that’s their fucking problem and not something that I or he should ever apologise for. I want him to be as proud of who he is as I am.
My family are all ultra orthodox. And now I have my brother in law, a local community rabbi, telling me that I should -
- give all the frum kids in my son’s class bar mitzvah presents that I can’t afford
- ask my mother for a loan to do so
And why? Because
- “his [my kid’s] situation is already really complicated”
- “it’ll make him more popular”
Seriously? My kid is popular already. He doesn’t need, and nor do I need, the kind of ‘friends’ that come with writing large checks. Nor do I want, or need, to go begging my parents for social engineering subsidies.
I’m so angry that my body temperature has risen by a couple of degrees. Is this what religion is about? Making a 12 year old ashamed of their family and prompting them to BUY friends? What absolutely fucking rotten, insular values.
I sent him a voice message: thanks Yaakov, but I think you’re projecting a bit here. I don’t want [my son] to ever be ashamed of what he is or to feel he has to buy friends. Baruch Hashem, he’s well-adjusted and popular.
(I’d love to go get high or drunk now to block this out but yeah. I’m a mother. I just have to be boring and sensible and go do the ironing now. Fuck all of them.)