r/badroommates

I live in an apartment with 5 other girls. Four of these girls are very messy and NEVER clean up after themselves. I am constantly cleaning up spills, putting things away, washing dishes that are not mine, etc, and it is exhausting. I have tried to bring it up a few times and politely ask people to clean up after themselves, but I've been met by extremely rude responses (them calling me petty, telling me I should just clean it if it bothers me, them telling me I'm not in charge, etc). The ONE girl who actually does clean up after herself however, has created a chore chart system to try to combat the issue. The problem is, nobody actually does their chores. Usually after about a week, if chores still haven't been done she just rotates the names. I've gotten to the point where I'm tired of being the only person that cleans and does my chores. So this week, I did not do my chore (the people who had it the past two weeks haven't done it either). Now all of a sudden she's making a big deal out of it and saying I need to do it now. I feel like if I don't do it I'm being a hypocrite, but if I do do it I'm just letting her boss me around. I'm tired of being the only person who cleans, and she has not said ANYTHING to the other girls about not doing their chores, only to me. AITAH if I don't do it?

*TL;DR* my roommates are slobs and I'm the only one who cleans. If I stop cleaning and they confront me about it what do I do?

My roommate has NEVER cleaned the lint trap and basically cops it up to her asthma and allergies. No one likes to breathe in lint dust but that means I have to clean after her.

Is her excuse even valid? She will do at least 2 loads sometimes and leave it for me to empty.

Living in a 3BHK with 4 people. Two of us have individual rooms, and the other two share a room.

I’m someone who naturally shares food, if I cook or buy something, I usually offer it. I don’t expect strict accounting, just basic mutual respect.

But one flatmate seems to take that as a free pass. He’ll eat my stuff or use things if given the chance, but never contributes or offers anything himself.

Example: I wanted to get milk for tea (no one else in my room drinks it). He asked me to get a ₹10 pack for himself, but that size wasn’t available, so I bought a 500ml pack. I used a little and told him he could take some if needed. Next morning the entire pack was gone.

Another time I went home for a week. Came back to find most of my dry fruits (cashews, almonds, raisins, dates — which I keep in my own room) almost finished.

There’s also a general lack of shared responsibility for example, we have one common washroom, and if I don’t clean it, no one does. I end up doing it because I can’t use a messy washroom.

It’s not about the cost it’s the overall pattern. I don’t want to create tension since this is company-provided housing, but I also don’t want to feel taken advantage of.

How would you handle this without turning it into a full-blown conflict?

I'll send a polite text like : hey guys can we stop letting both sinks be completely full of dishes for a week at a time

Them: well on April 14th you left 2 dishes in the sink for 23 hours, therefore we are exactly the same

Background: I got a new roommate about 7 months ago, and we split rent evenly. The apartment has been long furnished with all of my many belongings as I’ve lived here for three years. She is welcome to add some of her belongings in, of course, but I had assumed it would be around and about the stuff I’ve already had here for years— at least, if I was moving into someone’s home where they were already established, that’s what I would do. We have gotten into arguments before where she has told me, essentially, that she has a right to put her stuff wherever she pleases. For context, I know that her last living situation was a disaster because her roommate was always complaining about her having too much of her stuff out + having her boyfriend over too much. As a side note, I also have many house plants, which is an important part of this story. Now that the weather is getting warmer, my roommate made a wine trap in a bowl to help catch gnats that live in some of the plants— this is also important to this story.

so last night, I get home from a long day of of traveling with my boyfriend after a short vacation weekend. I’m exhausted and emotionally burnt out and my boyfriend and I are trying to clean and make food for the work week before going to sleep. My roommate had texted me a couple days ago that she moved one of my plants from a shelf because, when she was grabbing one of her cookbooks off that shelf, that wine trap apparently fell off the shelf onto her. I had put the trap up there a week prior because I noticed a lot of gnats up there next to the plants. The plants and other stuff were already on top of the books, and had been for about 5 or 6 months. Prior to her books being there, the plants had always been on that shelf. When I got home from my vacation, I put the plant back up on that shelf, on top of the cookbooks. In the text my roommate sent me while I was away, she didn’t ask if we could keep the plant off that shelf, so I assumed she had just moved the plant temporarily because she needed to get to her books, and I preferred to keep the plant up there because it’s where it got the best light.

When I did this, my roommate turned around from her position on the couch and said “hey can we keep that plant off the cookbooks?” I was already irritated and exhausted for my own personal reasons, so I definitely could have handled my response better, and I was feeling pretty defensive because of arguments we had about our living space prior to this. I said to her “no, I want my plant up there. I really don’t want to have this conversation right now.” She then proceeded to say my name multiple times and I tried to not engage with her because I didn’t want to have to think about rearranging things while I was busy and tired. I should have told her “can we address this tomorrow?” instead of being so stubborn and curt with her. However, after her saying my name a bunch, I repeated “I don’t want to deal with this right now.” And then she hopped off the couch and darted right beside me and said “fine! I’ll do it myself!” I’m pretty ashamed to admit that I also kinda lost my cool and retorted “why don’t you just take your books then?” And she started screaming at me that it wasn’t fair that she couldn’t have her stuff up there and that the plants being on that shelf was a safety issue because she’s on baby aspirin and that I’m inconsiderate for not remembering that. This is not the first time she has screamed at me. However, it wasn’t even the plant that fell on her— the plant is perfectly visible. It was the bowl that she didn’t see, that isn’t ordinarily up there. I tried to explain this to her but she told me that I didn’t have any respect for her wellbeing. The shouting match about stuff being on that shelf continued for an hour and she threatened to move out. Honestly, I’m at a loss for why things escalated that fast. I wish she had just respected that I didn’t want to address this issues in that moment. I definitely feel like I was also being a bit of an asshole too, and I can see how she felt dismissed— which I made sure to tell her. But I don’t think the whole situation should have erupted like that. Idk fam— what the fuck happened? How would you deal with a situation like this? Am I completely in the wrong? Because I feel like I’m in the wrong, but I also don’t feel like how she reacted was fair or safe.

Just kind of wondering because I see other posts complaining about this. My roommate said she didn’t want to furnish our common areas so I ended up doing it myself. We have two couches one is here the other is mine and then the Tv, dining table, etc. I got. My room is pretty dark so I like to spend more time eating my breakfast on the dinner table and will often do my homework/work on the couch in the living room and play jazz. I always figured the space is big enough for both of us and there’s seating for both of us so just never considered the idea that maybe I shouldn’t be in there an often? Would love some opinions.

What is the worst incident that you have encountered with a roommate that you think is a Netflix documentary worthy .. let’s hear your stories

My roommate has NEVER cleaned the lint trap and basically cops it up to her asthma and allergies. No one likes to breathe in lint dust but that means I have to clean after her.

Is her excuse even valid? She will do at least 2 loads sometimes and leave it for me to empty.

I hate my fucking roomates. They are disgusting, messy, have no emotional regulation or boundaries. I am the only one who cleans consistently. I have given up on a lot of stuff just to not be fighting all the time but it's not enough, they think I'M an asshole for not wanting to live in a filthy house.Trust when I say however bad you're picturing its ten times worse. Despite all this where I live is very convenient for work and I like the neighborhood, and rent isn't that bad. I have debated moving out but I probably won't.

My worst roomate has mentioned coming up with "rules" (which will basically boil down to "be nicer to me",not anything about cleaning or respect for common spaces or whatever god forbid) and i kind of sense that they might try to force me out. I dont see why I should be the one to leave. Tbh I will be surprised if our landlord doesnt try to kick us all out because her dog is out of control. But if that didn't happen, and I sign the lease and they refuse to if I move, what actually happens? Like do they just kick us all out?

I live in a big shared house and my partner comes to visit me here and there. Lately I been noticing this - my flatmate who already got a boyfriend and lives with him btw she is standing behind my partner when he is washing dishes and just ltrly staring at him while he was doing dishes. He asked dya need smthn? She is like no and stayed there and kept watching. I feel like this is soooo weird and actually makes one rly rly uncomfortable. Should I say smthn to her or maybe her bf who can put some sense into her ?

My shower shares a wall with his bedroom, and he has his own bathroom in the hall. I’d say probably 3/4 times I shower, he jumps in immediately after. At least half of my showers are “rinse showers” where I just wash my body, and he still does it then. When I take my longer showers where I shave and wash my hair, I run out of hot water because he’s also showering.

I know he does it because either (1) he’s still in the shower when I come out (wasn’t in there when I started) or (2) he leaves a bunch of water on the floor when he’s done showering and I can see it when I come out of my room when I’m done showering. And (3) I’ve tested it by just turning on my shower, waiting, and then going into the hall and YUP he decided to jump in.

This was not an issue our first year living together, and I don’t shower at the same time everyday. He plans his showers around when I shower (how is that not super inconvenient for him??) He leaves the house for maybe 10 hours a week, so he has all the time in the world to shower.

So for some reason he’s decided to start policing my showers. Looks like I get two showers on the days he decides to act like a child (:

My roommate made a pass at me and I rejected him and ever since then tensions have gotten worse in our house. He has never cleaned in the 7 months we have lived there and he cut the grass one time. He won’t take trash out and stopped taking it to the curb and says that I am being childish because I told him that he can take his own trash out and can’t use my recycle can. He won’t even take the trash to the curb. I am so over his childish ways and treatment of the house. I just want him to go. He thinks it’s wrong that the other tenant doesn’t have to cut the grass or anything and that I have my SO cut the grass. I keep the house clean on the weeks that I’m supposed too, but he is leaving the fridge open and ruining my food. He’s left the freezer open ruining my food, I’m at a loss. Suggestions!? Please help me here. How do I live with this man who just keeps making things more and more complicated?

Oh boy... So I recently moved into a shared apt with a stranger in January and just moved out in the middle of April because this person caused me anxiety and emotional damage. I always paid rent and shared bills on time, if not early, and cleaned up after myself and sometimes even them. This person would text me at odd hours of the night, complaining about incense smell being the culprit of keeping them awake at night (when they admitted to taking adderrall and having insomnia). Wrote me a 3 page grievance letter complaining about the bath mat being wet after I shower, cigarette smoke permeating into their car (even though I always smoked outside on the porch), and when ants appeared in the spring, they blamed me and my cat for attracting ants in the home. even though there's CRACKS in the old ass house we resided in. there were also surveillance cameras inside the apartment and they would watch me when i was home. at one point the cameras would verbally say "YOU ARE BEING RECORDED." When I moved in, i was made aware of the cameras and was told i could have access but never was given access to them. needless to say, this was the breaking point for me.

I work full time and go to school full time, so I'm gone for 12-15 hours in the day and would just come home to sleep and shower mostly. It was insane to me that this person found an issue with everything I did when I was hardly home. They would try to keep control by texting me in a condescending tone saying "i need to respect the rules of the room mate agreement" they drew up. and ended up breaking the initial contract, then when i informed them i was moving, said they would seek legal action LOL i said "fine ill see you in court, but you broke the contract first." they backed down pretty quickly after that.

I am so happy to be out of there and away from this toxic person and environment. People who can't share a space with others should REFRAIN from saying that they need a room mate, because why do you want to make others miserable when you clearly are? I feel immediately at peace knowing I'll never have to deal with them again. Good riddance.

TLDR- room mate was crazy and I moved out much earlier than expected due to being harassed every day over petty shit

It's actually the second time a loud roommate has said that about me even though I'm the quiet one. Some people are just super oblivious...

I need advice, but I’m also a bit annoyed, what do I do?

My housemates want all of us to split the cost of a new living room light equally. The thing is: I barely use the living room. I mostly stay in my room. Paying the same as everyone else actually does feel fair to me, cause the house's everyone.

The actual reason why I want to fo that is because a few months ago, when bills went up during the holidays, they suddenly tried to make me pay more than my share going forward. That felt unfair, and now this feels like an opprtunity to make them pay back.

I was raised to be fair and reasonable, not to start problems for no reason — but I also don’t think it’s right to just accept things, without reflection when this is the type of people I'm dealing with.

So now I’m honestly debating:

Do I just pay to keep the peace, or do I push back and say I shouldn’t be paying the same for something I barely use?

TL;DR : I found my roommate's post that shit-talked about my stank as annonymous in our college-community. So I apologized too her in long text messege(because she never told me about my stank, so I thought she would be uncomfortable if I say FTF to her.). But she didn't replied. And after that, she didn't even checked my messege.

My mother language is not english. But I'll try my best to explain.

In this post, I must say I'm the bad one.

My roommate and I are not very close friends. But since I gave her a snack which I bought and saying 'I wanna be friendly with you' in the first day we met, and we had a small talk since then, I thought, at least, we have some relationships to tell the other person freely? But maybe it was not I think...

Okay, it's a shame, but I have some alcohol issues. So I didn't want to wake up and I drank everyday 'til I get buzzed and sleep.

It was quite hard to take a shower everyday, so after being some kind of alcoholic, I don't tend to sleep in our room.

We have a living-room which is very small(Smaller than the actual room. It's like some kind of passage just to go to the bathroom and out.) -That's where I sleep, and spending the almost entire time.

Well, I thought I wouldn't be so stink to her. -Since if she closes the door, our spaces are completely seperated. And most of all, she never told me about what is pissing her off.- But yesterday I realized I was completely wrong.

We have our college-community -which you can post everything without revealing your identity- and I found her post which is crap-talking about me. She said like "My roommate is driving me crazy. I wanna puke when I walk beside her.". You may say 'How do ya know if it's her?'. Well, trust me. Every situation OP described was 100% matching me. So I sent OP the letter like

> I think that's me. You're the room X(which we live in) right? I'm sorry... I thought I wouldn't stink too much since I don't live in our room. I have some alcohol issue, so I think I fogot that I'm living with others... If you have another issues with me please freely talk. It doesn't have to be FTF.

> I really want to apologize... TBH my nose is not really good so I didn't really know I smell that bad(I don't even bother to wake up when others are eating while I'm in sleep). I would really like to change my rude behaviour. Again, I'm really sorry...

She read those two apology letter, and after that, I think she blocked me???

She doesn't read. And the post which had a OP's nickname turned into annonymously...

Of course I was too sorry, so yeasterday I took a shower and emptied every trash can in our dormroom(under my desk, beside our toilet, in our livingroom).

But she never reads my letter or replying... I know I messed up our relationships. But I don't know what to do more for now... We didn't even make a single talk since yesterday and I don't know what to do...

I know I'm the bad roommate so I really want to change myself. Do you guys think it's too much to apologize to her FTF? Then what should I do for now?

Oh man. The last three years of hell are finally coming to a close. I have this roommate, whom sadly I had met in a previous town I lived in, whom I helped selflessly with car rides, food, genuine concern, to which she is a complete two faced, lying, mindless, miserable wretch of a woman. Where do I begin;

The last three years have been nothing but sob stories, feel sorry for me's, gaslighting, manipulation & so on.

This woman does not clean. Does not follow through with basic responsibilities. She's in her 60's, on government assistance because of her "fibromyalgia". Fibromyalgia is a behavioural issue, and my goodness is it prevalent. She had three kids whom from what I can tell don't want anything to do with her. This woman is entitled beyond my days to the extreme I think she believes she a queen or something.

Delusional women. Tracks dirt through the house always wearing shoes, she leaves shit in the toilet bowl, burns food, leaves water everywhere. Takes 2 hour showers? Two hours to cook tofu? .. I mean, the cents just don't make cents here. Blares music using an intense subwoofer to do Tik-tok dances? Cringe.

I've made multiple attempts to communicate all of my experience with her, even with recorded evidence and she's been in denial. Some people will deny till they die as they say. Frankly, this c***t is one of them.

Beyond my joy she is leaving at the end of the month. Holding my self accountable here in clearly venting this out, I'm like joyous-mad. The amount of gaslighting throughout the years had really made me second guess if I was over-reacting or not being realistic, however, speaking with my therapist and family regarding it, I am just on point with it. With glee in closing I want to express that people really should practice reflection and humility. Understand where they suck and take the opportunity to learn. I believe people relay on their ego and pride to carry them through life, however that can really create massive inhumanity. Immaturity if anything.

This women didn't learn much in her sixty something years being around.

My current roommate has lived here for 1.5 now. Maybe I’m just OCD about some things. But he leaves empty cartons of frozen food/drinks near the recycling can in the garage. Doesn’t break them down. He showers maybe once a week, even after a fishing trip it might be days. I’ve never seen him wash his sheets. I have to ask him to clean out the fridge on garbage day. When he moved in, he brought food and put it in a cabinet and in the freezer. He’s never touched any of it. Sometimes I feel like his house keeper. Oh and BTW, we have a house cleaner who comes every 4 weeks. He’s about to be 30. And has a baby on the way in August. I am the homeowner. I definitely need the rent money. Most of what he does irritates me. He doesn’t cook, everything is frozen or take out. Sometimes when I cook I will share with him. He doesn’t like to do dishes, so we had an agreement that I will do dishes if he picks up his dog and my dogs 💩 and take out the trash. He doesn’t hold up to his end of the bargain. I’m super frustrated. Also, I am non confrontational and passive aggressive. I’m at a loss on what to do or how to handle the situation.

Also, back to him having a baby on the way, he will not answer me if he will be staying or moving out in August when the baby comes. He has the option to move in with his fiance and her parents and 2 brothers. But he’s said he doesn’t want to do that. I offered for her and the baby to move in and upped the rent offer (I include all utilities). He won’t give me an answer on that either. I have a mortgage to pay. That being said when I bought this house I was making really good money for years and years, and a roommate wasn’t a necessity, but I’ve had to change jobs and now it is unfortunately.

So I live with four people: my bestie, and two other strangers. Upon moving we quickly realised that our other roommates’s partners are around, a lot. Upon talking with one of them, I found out that he is illegally occupying a protest squat as his form of accommodation, hence he is here a lot. I don’t know about this man’s situation, but he is an international student so I don’t think he’s badly off. My final straw was when his girlfriend (my roommate) was away on a trip and he was around the WHOLE TIME whilst she was gone. To make things worse, he never leaves when he’s round, spends all day in his PJs, doesn’t clean up, and is very in polite not making an effort or thanking. He’s just always around and it makes me so uncomfortable. Also I’m writing this at 4AM, as they all had someone over and were yapping away in the living room at 2:30 AM for an hour on a Sunday night. And my roommates never do the cleaning rota… fml.

I haven’t said anything yet- should I?

I'm so irritated. I've had this roommate for about 3 years. Originally it was me And my boyfriend and we had an extra room that we wanted to rent out in our townhouse to make rent easier on us.( For reference I live in California and my rent is $3,000. No joke)...the three of us essentially split it equally. So back in January this year my boyfriend and I broke up and he moved out. I now pay my rent and my boyfriends rent. So to be clear. Im paying $2000 dollars a month and my roommate is paying $1000. I didn't increase his rent because I do have the bigger bedroom and the living room is pretty much mine even though he could use it if he wanted to but he just always goes to his room.

Ok... My roommate is 27 and I'm 35. He's younger and struggling and I think he's mostly a good guy and I've tried really hard to not let this get to me. Back when my boyfriend was still here I would tell my roommate "hey if you forgot to get yourself something at the store And you see that I have it, go for it, no worries, just go buy yourself what you need after that tho!! As in don't just keep taking my food but if you forgot bread and you see that I have bread then no big deal" ...so I Really didn't mind that level of borrowing stuff. Cut to now it's just the two of us and the financial burden on me is tight! I can afford my life but I'm budgeting my money a lot tighter now and I NEED MY FOOD!!!!!!!!! I LITERALLY HAVEN'T EVEN BOUGHT TAKE OUT ONCE SINCE DECEMBER!!!!!!!!

It's not just a slice of bread or a few grapes. It's EVERYTHING!!!!!! I feel like he's taken everything. Every single day I see something that has been tampered with. I told him to please not eat my food and he said he wouldn't but then he does!!! Granted he comes home maybe once a month with a lot of groceries and he says that I can eat any of it but I don't. I don't need him to buy me food. I NEED HIM TO BUY HIM FOOD. I plan my meals really meticulously and just because he bought more potatoes doesn't mean I have potatoes planned for that week. I just need my food to be mine and I have never taken any of his food.

It also doesn't help that he's always late with rent and is always leaving a fuckin mess in the kitchen and bathroom. It's like ever since my ex left he's gotten lazier and more disrespectful. Im about to shut this shit down and ask him to leave honestly. He's a nice guy but I'm frustrated as shit. Not to mention he will take the last of something I bought!!! AND THE. LEAVE THE FUCKING EMPTY CONTAINER IN THE FRIDGE OR CUPBOARD!!!!!!!!!! that shit bugs me to no end. Like he expects me to throw his trash away!?!?!?!? Fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!! Im really building resentment with this guy. I bought a lock box for my side of the fridge but it's not big enough for everything. I don't know what else to do. Ive asked him to stop and he will for like a week and then he'll start up again. What do I do!!!!!!!!!! I'm so irritated and I feel disrespected and just too old honestly to be dealing with this bullshit.

I really don't want to move just because everything is extremely expensive regardless of where I live anyway and Ive been really grieving the loss of my 8 year long relationship. I'm just tired. Not to mention also this guy doesn't do anything for the house. I take out the trash, he's never not once gone to fill up the 3, 5gal water jugs for the water cooler. He's Never not once vacuumed even tho he tracks dirt in on his shoes. Hes never not once cleaned the bathroom, he leave food crumbs and garbage on the kitchen counters every single day. He leaves dishes in the sink every single day. All I fucking ask for is for him to clean up after himself. That's it!!!! That's all I ask and to pay rent on time. This guy is a grade A lazy fuck and I'm done. I don't know what else to do.

Tldr: my roommate eats all my food and I've asked him to stop but he doesn't. I bought a lock box for the fridge but it's not big enough to hold everything and I'm so frustrated I could cry.