r/askfuneraldirectors

After the death of a grandparent last year, my oldest (19) has been asking questions, so when the time comes they'll know what my wishes are. I don't really have any wishes, unless you count the time when I was young and watched a documentary about The Body Farm, and had my sights set, only to learn that they're not really in need of donations anymore.

I also don't have any money. Or any assets. Or means of earning income. Or a will. Or any possessions to will to anyone. Or the money to have a will drawn up.

So I told my kid to just dig a hole and kick me into it, when my time comes.

But, I know that's not legal and I was kind of being silly, although I totally meant it.

So my question is, what is the absolute lowest cost option for someone in Pennsylvania?

I'm at that age where I've had to attend a lot of funerals lately. I swear bodies used to look more natural before.

I want to be a tree when I die. Is it something I can do? What kind of paperwork can I fill? I am 26 years old and live in the US. In Maryland for now but I'll settle in Minnesota.

I think becoming a tree after death is a neat celebration of life because trees bring a lot of life into our world. I'm not religious. And I'm an organ donor.

A big tree would be ideal. So it can stay up for longer and be more resilient.

I really want to make that happen.

Hello there. My grandma passed recently and the funeral home we used was a total mess with the tech side of things. I’m honestly just trying to figure out if this is the industry standard or if we just picked a bad place. There were a bunch of oddities but theres one that I wanted to discuss here.

We wanted a slideshow for the service, but the director just told us to "email the photos over" or drop off a USB. My family is spread out all over the country (we were even thinking of not having a real funeral because of this), so I ended up with like 15 different email threads from cousins and aunts and digging through my parents albums. Some were high-res scans, but half of them were just people taking a picture of an old physical photo with phones that looked horrible.

When I finally got the files to the director on a drive, he basically said "we just play what you give us." On the big screens the old faded ones looked so blurry you could barely see her face. It felt like a part-time job for me to organize all this and honestly it made my grandmothers passing more sad / admin heavy than it felt was necessary and the result was kind of bad. It was awkard.

Is there a normal way folks handle this and some industry standard. I am writing to the director with some feedback of how we felt it went and I didn't really find much on Google. Like, is there a portal or a specific app families are usually given to upload to? And do you guys ever help with fixing up the really old/faded ones so they don't look like crap on the screen, or is that always the family's responsibility and then what do people use in that case.

Thanks for reading my rant / any input..

i’m really sorry if this isn’t the place to ask this but i have a funeral to go to tomorrow and it’s my first one that im not a young kid during. i’m a teen woman and don’t have any dresses or long skirts so im trying to see what i can work with. the funeral isn’t going to be very strict i believe, but id still like to be respectful. the best i have is black sweatpants, a dark blue hoodie and some old wrecked shoes (my only pair). i feel bad as i know that these might seem like i dont care and i hope i dont offend the family, does that seem like an okay outfit?

Female funeral director and embalmer here. I was with this funeral home for a year, and from the beginning of my employment there, I was regularly told that women aren't valuable as funeral directors, that women don't belong in the funeral industry, and that they had to hire me because not enough men are graduating from mortuary school these days. My male colleagues were rude and disrespectful towards me, and when I would go to my boss about it, he would tell me that I should expect that because I'm a woman.

I was expected to do more work than my male funeral director colleague. For example, I was responsible for all of the administrative work for my location, while he was given a personal secretary at his, at the same salary.

I was constantly being criticized, to the point of my boss literally screaming at me at times. He wouldn't allow me to conduct arrangements or take charge of anything having to do with the families; instead, he had me sit in on his arrangement conferences as his assistant.

Last week, he screamed at me so bad, calling into question the work experience I had listed on my resume, threatening my job, and holding my salary over my head, because I made a phone call to the pharmacy in the morning about getting a medication ready for me to pick up on my lunch break.

Obviously I resigned. But now I don't know what to say during a job interview as to why I left this place without anything lined up or anywhere to live (I've been in the funeral home's employee housing).

Any advice or insight is appreciated.

Thanks

I have no idea if this is even an appropriate place to ask this, open to suggestions for better forums. My question is, if the decedent is embalmed and buried, is it possible to obtain DNA from those remains many years or even decades later? Its just a random question that occured to me watching tv drama crime shows, sorry I am weird like that and want to know the things 🤦

Hello, I am 36 years old, based on the east coast USA, and just began a mortuary program here in my state. It is literally the second day and I am completely overwhelmed and terrified. There are so many readings, so many assignments, and I am freaking out that I won't be able to retain the information, or that the pace will be unmanageable for me. I worked a senior-level position in a fortune 500 company for the past 12 years and excelled. I was completing urgent and complex work in an extremely cut-throat environment and I did it (I hated it, but I did it, ha!), yet this program feels completely different. I have a bachelor's degree, but it has been well over a decade since I graduated and now school is unfamiliar territory once more. I'm just terrified, overwhelmed, and worried that I won't measure up. I'm already feeling huge amounts of stress. Did anyone else go into it with these fears? How did it turn out for you? Thank you for reading.

I was wondering if it's possible for only my heart to be cremated and my body have a burial. Is this possible? I'm young and my decision might change but I'd like to have my ashes scattered in the ocean.

Upon discussing final resting places for myself with my daughter, she had a joking request of cremated remains from specific limbs being placed specific locations. This lead to the question of if thats even an option. For the curiosity of her young mind, is that a thing?
Edit to add: I have two family cemeteries with ancestors and mentioned wishing having a resting spot in both, which started the conversation

Ok, so, not sure how to write this, this is my 3rd try. Im posting here because im not sure the reaction to anyk e local.

My question: when someone passes without family, or friends are out of town (whatever may be that case) is there a time/way to ask if its possible to buy the decedent's book collection? Or records? Or a really nice china hutch?

Im trying to write this with all due respect, but i did a removal of a gentleman this week who had passed over a week before ("messy" is the only way to describe it), the only "friend" is several states away.

I want to connect with this person to volunteer to help with clean up, but also because they have a really groovy record and collection and id love to buy them.

How unethical is it to do so? Im willing to both pay and do the labor to help someome out of state...

Any guidance would be helpful, thanks. And please let me know if i forgot any useful info!

Hello! In a few years after I pay off a debt. I am planning to enroll to mortuary school. As an aspiring funeral director (hopefully) And we ourselves go through loss. Have you cried in a loss for your loved ones? I lost someone not that long ago in to which I cried. I doesn’t affect me in wanting to hopefully go in the funeral field. Then it had me thinking, as funeral directors yourselves, do you still cry in the loss of your loved ones? It may be a silly question but I’m curious. Thanks!

Hello, looking for insights on the procedure and ethics of tattoo preservation after death. My father wants to be cremated, and we've discussed preserving one of his tattoos before this happens. What do those in the industry think? How does one go about this?

When my father died in home hospice, they only sent 1 man to pick him up knowing I was on the second floor. Is it normal or appropriate to ask family to help carry the body out? What would have happened if I refused or if there was just nobody who could help available? It felt very unprofessional but I was to distraught to put up a fight so I just helped. Please let me know if this is an accepted normal practice.

Are funerals slowing down in demand? Seems like there is somewhat of a trend driven by decreasing religiosity and smaller personalized options as well as the rising costs.