r/ask_transgender

I’ve been wondering if some trans women choose to do things like laser hair removal/electrolysis, FFS, breast augmentation, or even SRS without taking HRT.

Is that actually common or possible?
Do surgeons usually require hormones first, especially for BA or SRS?

I’m also curious about people who don’t want HRT for medical, personal, or nonbinary reasons but still want certain parts of transition.

Would love to hear personal experiences or what the process was like for you or your opinion…

I am amab 25, I am kind of in a difficult circumstance to get into hrt. My possibilities are in the very low side. I wish I was born in a much more trans friendly country with a more open society. But I know there is a certain limits I have to keep because I look like a guy so I still haven’t concluded or accepted anything, mostly I consider I am a questioning guy. But I just wanted to know can I be atleast part of online trans woman community if one day I accept it fully but still not getting hrt. This is not about physically being in a place as a woman this is more about cognitively being a part of trans woman community.

Is not liking Eliot Page as Achilles Transphobic, because there is a big backlash over it

Edit - Not me but there is a backlash about it, last time for fantastic beast people didn’t like replacing Jonny Depp, like that is it preference or transphobia in this scenario

I want to ask if anybody has had luck and success finding a cis boyfriend who wasn’t queer, and what kind of conversation did you 2 have.

To me it feels like I only come to men’s attention or gaze is when they want to have sex with me, or want to experiment.

I haven’t experienced anything genuine really, so I am just wondering what some other girls are experiencing.

Hey everyone,

I’ve never made a post like this before, and I’m not really sure what I’m looking for — maybe advice, maybe just hearing from people who’ve been in a similar situation. I’d especially love to hear from other gay trans men or gay/bi cis men who’ve dated trans men.

I’m 23, a trans man, have been on T for almost 7 years, and I’m pre-op. I’ve been with my boyfriend (27 cis m) for over 2 years and we live together. I’m pansexual and he’s bi, and I’m also the first trans man he’s ever been with.

In the beginning of our relationship, our sex life felt really healthy and adventurous. We both tried new things together, communicated openly, went shopping for toys together, etc. I’ve always been someone who likes keeping things fun and exploring different things sexually.

Over time though, I’ve started noticing that a lot of the effort around intimacy comes from me. I spend a lot of time doing things he enjoys, trying new things for him, initiating, and trying to keep things from getting repetitive. But when it comes to me, there’s very little foreplay or effort on his end, and our sex life has become extremely routine.

Earlier today we had a conversation about it because we barely have sex anymore compared to our first year together, and it’s been making me feel unwanted or unattractive. During that conversation, he admitted that he doesn’t really like interacting with my pre-op anatomy sexually. He said he’s a “texture person” and just isn’t into it.

That honestly hurt a lot, especially because I’ve kind of suspected it for a while. Looking back, there were signs — he never really seemed comfortable with certain things involving my body, and even when we made videos together, he only wanted content focused on me doing things to him rather than anything involving my body directly.

What makes this more confusing emotionally is that he’s okay with PIV sex, but he doesn’t seem interested in any other kind of interaction involving my downstairs or foreplay focused on me. I think that’s part of why this has been affecting my self-esteem so much.

I know everyone has preferences and boundaries, and I’m not angry at him for not liking certain things. I just wish he’d been honest sooner because it explains a lot of things that have been making me feel insecure and undesired.

I guess what I’m asking is:
Have any other trans men been in relationships with cis men who weren’t fully comfortable with their pre-op body? If so, how did you navigate that emotionally and sexually? Did things improve with communication, or did it end up becoming a compatibility issue long term?

I think I’m struggling with figuring out whether this is something workable or if it’s slowly damaging my self-esteem more than I realized.

Hey all! I'm a 25 year old trans man, 3 days shy of 6 months on T. I do weekly .3mL injections, and I'm loving all the changes... but I'm hitting a very awkward part of my transition in a very detrimental time in my life, and I could use some advice from seasoned trans dudes, especially ones who also happen to be vocalists.

So, I'm in a band, and we have two gigs coming up. We're playing at our town's local pride event in June, and then we're covering a bunch of MCR in July for emo night, which are both absolute dreams come true. Like, holy shit, 15 year old me would be shitting himself if he knew what I'd be doing a decade later.

My voice has been gradually changing over the last 6 months, and I've been working with it to try and figure out what sounds good. It changes on a weekly basis, but I've always been one to adapt quickly, so it hasn't been a huge issue. My bandmates say I sound good, and I trust them to be brutally honest with me lol.

The trouble came a couple nights ago, when I noticed around 6 PM on Sunday that my throat got super sore. I started coughing quite a bit, and by Monday morning I was hacking up a bunch of flem (phlem? phlegm? idk) and shit. I thought I was getting sick, but usually my nose gets super stopped up and I feel like crap when I'm getting sick, so I think this might be *the* voice drop.

I have a lil voice trainer doodad that my bassist let me borrow, so I'm gonna do exercises through that daily as well as the core exercises I've been doing to try and sing more from my diaphram, but that doesn't exactly help the throat issue. I got some throat coat tea even tho i fuckin hate tea, and I got some lozenges as well. One of my bandmates said he knows a few vocalists that pop a lozengen before every set, I feel like that might be something I might try as well.

My bassist and rhythm guitarist will also be doing backing vocals at some of the more vocally intense parts of the songs to sort of back me up, so I'm trying not to worry about it too hard. I have to be able to make it through a 45 minute set, so I need to figure out a good balance between sounding good, and not straining too hard. I've only ever had my voice blow out once, a few weeks ago, and that was NOT fun.

Here's what I'm *not* doing to help my throat: I'm a huge pothead. It's one of my only vices. I hardly drink, I don't smoke cigarettes or vape, no hard drugs or anything like that, but Jesus H. Christ, I'd probably smoke like Snoop if I could afford it.*

Last night, my lead guitarist was like, "You might have to pick between smoking and singing for a while," and I was like "Fuuuuck. You know which one I'd pick, but that would suck."

I really don't wanna quit smoking, but I could probably tone it down. Edibles have never worked for me, and it's the only thing that seems to help with my anxiety, plus I write great songs when I'm high. If I have to stop all together, though, I will try my best.

I guess I just feel a lot of weight on my shoulders, like I'm being given a shot to prove to the world that, not just myself, but all of my trans brothers, sisters, and enby entities, are capable of incredible things if given the chance. That we deserve to exist, that we have roles to play and places to be in this world. I don't wanna fuck it up. It's a lot of pressure, y'know? Of course, this is all pressure I'm putting on myself, but that doesn't make it any less stressful. I have to remember to just keep having fun with it, though, and to not let the negative thoughts get to me.

Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

*Fuck Snoop, all my homies hate Snoop

Hi! 19ftm here!

My mom made me worry that the second I start testosterone I’ll get extremely fat

I know this isn’t true but as someone who struggles with eating and weight stuff i can’t get her words out of my head now

I know water weight and bloating will get worse especially in the face until a few months-years

I’m not even really sure what I’m asking here :,) just looking for advice I guess…

Straight guy here, but lately I’ve found myself really attracted to feminine trans girls and it’s honestly making me question things in a way I never expected.

I’ve been straight my whole life, never been with the same sex, never even really thought about it before. But over the past year or so, I keep finding myself drawn toward trans women not just physically, but their energy, confidence, femininity, and personalities too.

I’m not trolling, fetishizing, or trying to offend anyone. I’m genuinely curious and trying to understand myself better. Has anyone else gone through something similar where your attraction shifted or surprised you later in life?

And for trans girls reading this what’s the best way for someone like me to respectfully approach conversations, get to know someone, and not come across weird or disrespectful? I’d honestly appreciate talking to a trans girl and learning more through real conversations and connection.

Curious if this is more common than people admit..

I'm in the part of my process where I'm coming out to my friends and family. One thing i noticed is that even though i don't think about anything sexual or arousing i often get a small erection after coming out.

This result in a lot of disphoria and me thinking I'm not valid because of it. I was wondering is this a common experience?

i live in texas where its basically impossible to change your gender marker currently. im already in the process of getting my name change and all that but im curious if i can use a fake just for a gender marker change?

i had a situation at the hospital recently where i had to show my id and the receptionist looked really confused at it. ruined my week honestly. 

I went to a thrift store today, and got some clothes, but I was scared the whole time because I am in a very unfriendly part of the country. I can say something like "oh just looking for clothes for my sister, our sizes are pretty similar so thats why I'm trying them on." but that doesn't just cure my paranoia.

Is there, perchance, an online thrift store of some kind? An idea I had was a sort of exchange website, where transfems and transmascs can trade old clothes of theirs that they no longer use. Like woke goodwill.

hey beautiful people 👀

kind of rant but kind of a desperatly needing advice from fellow aussies kind of post.

Ok so backstory time: its 2021 and sitting alone in the house my wife and i brought in rural WA (we hadnt moved in yet but i needed a break) my egg finally broke and well it didnt turn into the cinderella moment I hoped. Que a spiral that almost ended up with me unaliving myself (Im talking full mental breakdown) if not for the intervention of my two closest friends.

Rang my wife the next day (we were already struggling at that point) and she arrives and i tell her. que her complete breakdown and the most transphobic rant you have ever heard in your life.

ok fast forward: late 2025: I finally go fuck you im going on E. well that was an exercise in self destruction because she found it and threw it out before basicly threatning me with never seeing my child again, bringing my deceased parents into the conversation, telling me im skitsophrenic and because i am fighting some legal issues of a very serious nature she threw that into the basket as well with "if you continue to transition or try to leave all i have to do is say you broke bail and you will be arrested"

so now im facing the final stetch of my legal battle in a few months in 2026 and im seriously thinking of getting the fuck out of here as soon as my innocence is proven but

A. im stuck with the thought of "I cant leave my son with her"
B. I literally have nowhere to go but a friends couch which isnt big enough to take my son
C. My son is very much like me and struggles to communicate with his mum.
D. im breaking down really quickly but hiding it by playing along

need some advice on where the hell i go from here.

TLDR:
wife is transphobic POS
I am transfem
My physical mental and emotional safety are not safe if i dont act cishet
Need advice on what i should do once my legal poceedings are clear to get the hell away from her