r/adultautism

my coworkers are very loud and there are six of us, we don't work in a big office with a hundred people i don't know, we are close.

for example three were having a loud conversation about being cold and tired and wanting a break, it's about that time, i say "why don't you go up to the trucks and warm up, when us two are done doing this [task that takes two minutes] we'll join you." immediate silence after literal screaming had been involved in the conversation. why are they so offended? i know i didn't say anything rude. i know if it was literally any other co-worker they would've continued and welcomed them with open arms, why am i the exception? i'm friendly except when they're obviously treating me lesser than. i'm kind and put others above myself. unlike them, i don't lash out in the work setting unless i fear for the safety of someone (some what of a dad mode). so what's the real problem?

edit: i appreciate the comments. another coworker said it and they didn't stop immediately, stare at him like an alien, and ignore him.

does anyone know some things that people do to make them generally off putting to others? i feel like it's kind of like the difference between being a quiet kid at school vs being "the quiet kid"

All right, so hear me out I’ve been learning a lot about how a lot of the burnout that we could feel is actually from the autism side all right and I would definitely encourage you to research what is autistic burnout if you don’t know anything about it. But one of the main things I’ve been learning from what they share is it’s not just taking a nap or a break. We need more moments in our day in our week scheduled unscheduled where are just BEING. We are just in our essence. Maybe we’re just walking in a park without our phones just enjoying the scenery not any demands from you. You have nothing that you need to DO. That’s the most important part. How many times do we wake up in the morning and the first thing we think about is all the things that we need to do for the day that is fine. We all have very busy liars however I’ve been learning that we need to when we wake up we need at least an hour or two of just being able to be and do things that bring you joy or just relax you that has no demand to talk to it absolutely no demand or has any end goal to it? It’s not solution focus nothing like that. It needs to be just you and a fun activity you and nature, you and God or whatever spiritual practice you do or just you staring at a blank wall if that’s what you really need with your weighted blanket you have no hobbies find one think about when you were a kid and things you enjoy doing and just go back to it even if you’re not sure that will be your hobby like that’s literally it and also to recover properly in the evening. You also need two hours prior to bed of just BEING. That no doing no don’t wake up straight up and think oh what do I have to do today? Don’t go before you go to bed. Be doing a whole bunch of stuff just BE. No demands no end goal just you’re very essence in the present moment enjoying something relaxing with something and that could very much be useful on your phone, but you gotta carry your content and give yourself a limit with that and then make sure you do things off of your phone as well. You know, cause I could tire you out as well.

I would love to know you guys thoughts. I was literally diagnosed with autism February 18, 2026. So I’m Hella new

I’ve been doing it now for like the past week and I’ve noticed a big difference for sure ..another HUGE step FOR RELIEF FROM BURNOUT BESIDES MEDICATION IS would be to super simplify your entire life which I had ChatGPT help me do and I encourage you to do the same. Just tell them diagnosis and tell it to simplify your life tell it everything and it will do it

For context, I’ve always prided myself on being good at showing up for loved ones.

When I hit a wall in my AuDHD burnout last year and ended up in an IOP, I wish someone would’ve warned me how swift the exodus of family members, friendmily, peers, and faith community would be!

Here I am a year later at 39 and realizing: for what it’s worth I only liked like 10% of the people I’ve ever known. lol! So, as much as I was tolerated…I was tolerating them too! 💀😏

Anyways, now that the misaligned left and some of the trash took itself out (one-sided relationships, energy vampires, and dysfunctional family system members), I now have a handful of quality connections I truly love and value left.

My concern: Grief and emotional whiplash has been brutal. How do you cope with the grief of realizing nearly four decades of your life of people sticking around was contingent on your pleasant, easygoing mask?

🙏🏾💞

Hi everyone, posting here again as it seems these days, we get more information from Reddit than anywhere else.

Family member of mine is 21, severely ADHD (no other cognitive disorders), works full-time and may be going back to college.

Needs clear financial guidance including weekly (or at least twice a month) help with planning a budget, planning grocery spending , weekly spending, what bills need to be paid when, checking in on spending/ savings goals.

Accountability and follow-up on what needs to be paid, what is paid, etc.

Are there any financial coaches that do this? Financial therapists (is that even a thing and if yes do they take insurance?). They bank with UW Credit Union but open to other banks. Needs regular help at least twice a month.

Looking for any resources in Madison. Remote/ video meeting would be fine too. Feel free to give as many details as possible!

I’ll literally say I prefer a top loader washing machine to front loader or a particular type of detergent and people go off on me like I’ve said something awful about them.

I’m so genuinely confused.

I don’t know if it’s me or if people on the internet are just super hateful.

I (32F) was just recently diagnosed with autism after seeing my therapist for several months. I sought therapy because I’m overwhelmed with everything as a single mom of two kids, working a newly promoted position at work, working with doctors to treat autoimmune disease, and being the sole provider for myself and my kids. I have no life outside of this. My therapist suggested I get assessed and the results came back that I am on the spectrum.

I was promoted in January, and have been struggling! I can’t seem to grasp things quickly and my brain always feel so chaotic when things aren’t clear. I’m scared to lose my job because the market is so uncertain right now. Any time my kids get sick I have to take off work, and they’ve been sick on and off this entire year (my daughter battles CVS and my son just got over a bacterial infection).

We’ve all been sick this week, and then I have to travel next week for work, which takes a lot out of me already. I’m dreading it and all of the masking I’ll have to do to socialize with my coworkers. I’m burning through my PTO days already. I feel unfit for everything I am responsible for, but I keep trying.

How do you navigate this as an adult with autism? Is it worth mentioning this to my company? I’m scared of the risk that may become by disclosing this with my boss, and I don’t even know what that would change, if anything. I’m just a bit lost right now, and I don’t know how to handle all of this. Before having kids I would just shut down and run from it, hoping the problem goes away. I can’t do that now.

What has worked for you navigating your diagnosis and all of the responsibilities on your plate?

Thank you. ❤️

I seem to be overstimulated each time I have to use the subway. And I hate it.
It’s like: The place per se is ugly. No nature, no human-friendly colors, just depressing dark and grey. It’s noisy, I can’t tell how long exactly I‘ll have to be here and most important: I can’t tell what people here will be like. All of this makes me anxious and stressed and a relaxed conversation with my bf is almost impossible.
In the carriage itself I usually read a book or at least check my phone, when I’m seated. If I have to stand, my falling anxiety kicks in as an extra. I‘m clinging on whatever I can get my hands on. Of course I wash my hands with soap afterwards.
I booked coaching sessions from end of May on and I shall definitely address this. But so long: Does anybody feel the same?

Edit: Hi, thanks for the many recommendations and emotional support. I’m currently working on my falling anxiety with a physiotherapist. I just wondered if there’s a sort of mental tool for all the rest out there. I’m gonna address this at coaching sessions though. My bf used to have anxiety on the subway too, but he says he’s largely gotten rid of it through working in a mobile job. That is not an option for me though - my job is in an office.

Hi everyone,

I’m 26 and was recently diagnosed with AuDHD (autism + ADHD).

It honestly feels like I’ve spent 26 years playing a video game on expert mode with no tutorial, no save points, and random side quests I didn’t agree to.

A lot of things are suddenly making sense now — like why I can be hyper-focused on something for 6 hours and then forget I exist as a human being who needs food, water, or basic life skills.

It’s been a mix of relief, confusion, and occasional “ohhh so THAT wasn’t normal?” moments. I’m still trying to process it all and figure out what it actually means for day-to-day life, not just as a label on paper.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else got diagnosed later and had a similar experience. Did it feel like things finally clicked into place… or like your brain just opened 47 new browser tabs you didn’t ask for?

Thanks for reading 🙂

Over the past couple of months I have received messages checking in on what I’m doing from previous coworkers from the same company. Friendly people while I worked with them, yet no communication for several years with any of them until now. What could be going on that these people are reaching out? Could it have to do with me or could it potentially have to do with the company? How should I attempt to find out?

It has been such an interesting journey learning that I actually had autism midlife. I always kind of played with the idea, but was never sure.

It has given me the permission to forgive myself for a lot of things and lets me be myself. I’ve learned my favorite stims even. So helpful.

If I had realized how many of my ‘quirks’ were obvious signs of autism- like hand-flapping for gods sakes!!! You’d think someone would notice. But I’m a woman. And I’m smart. And I have a job. But I’ve had happy hands a long ass time.

Hi everyone. I have my autism assessment in a few weeks and since I booked it months ago I’ve been constantly thinking about it and feeling so stressed and anxious. Wondering if I’ve got this all wrong, will I get any answers.. I just randomly burst out crying (happens a lot lately) to my husband, he asked what’s wrong, I said I just wish I had someone to talk to who could understand. I’m just so confused at why I feel the way I do and the needing an answer is driving me crazy. How do I take my mind off things and distract myself away from all of this? I feel like I’m constantly thinking about it, looking up autism, reading about autism, listening to podcasts about autism.. all this and I might not even be autistic! I just wish I wasn’t so confused and worried. I can’t understand why I just can’t let things go! Does anyone else feel like they can’t let things go?

So I (19F) have been talking to a girl and I really like her. It seems to be going well and she doesn’t seem to mind the fact that I’m odd lol

We text a lot and I tend to get hyper fixated on the texts to the point that it stresses me out because I think it’s new to me.

I’m putting my thoughts here but tbh I don’t really know what freaks me out, I’m pretty sure it’s the novelty that comes with it, maybe other factors too.

The AuDHD brain can be so frustrating when it comes to social interactions because on one hand, I crave it and on the other, it disrupts everything and stresses me out.

Can anyone relate? Is there something I can try to do to stop feeling like that?

I’m looking for recommendations for toothpaste that isn’t minty and doesn’t add to the sensory nightmare that is brushing my teeth. 🦷✨ pleas and thanks yous

Seeking ideas for tools for adults that ameliorate sensory overwhelm. Please only share tools that have been teated by you or someone you know.

My son needed tight swaddling, 5 pacifiers at once (no joke - 3 in his mouth and one to fondle in each pocket), dark time, and to be swung in order to destim. Current challenges -- bright outdoor and indoor lights, the feel of showers, toothbrushing, hair cutting. He has realized that his focus improves if he is chewing on snacks. Sleep is always a problem. He apparently self-sawddles a bit with sheets. Hoodies and hats help him feel protected. He hates anything in his ears. He has a narrow food palate.

Goal -- make it through college and an eventual workplace by minimizing overwhelm and improving focus.

Learning about TheraSpecs right now but have no real life anecdotes.

We installed a heatpump in order to have cooler temps (a/c) during warm months and at night.

Will buy a weighted blanket, but worried about weighted clothes due to heat?

Does gum or breath mints work for oral stimulation and focus? Any other recommendations?

Any lamp or white noise recommendations for a darkened room? A fan dries out the nasal passages.

Any personally recommended fidget toys for the pocket?

Anything else you swear buy?

Thanks!!

Hello, I'm trying to find the best possible beanbag for my small closet. Which type should I consider getting? It'd be nice to get one that I can kinda sink into (especially to feel a bit of pressure from the sides), if possible.

I'm currently trying to convert my closet into a possible autism nest. The closet is 39 inches (99 cm) by 45 inches (114 cm) (with about 7 feet/213 cm of vertical space). I am 5'9" (175 cm).

I feel like getting a beanbag with enough legspace via a higher vertical seat may help with the small space. I don't mind if the beanbag takes up most of the space; as long as there's enough room for me to recline. I might have a bit of extra space if I sit diagonally, in there.

Thank you very much for the advice/suggestions.

Has anyone else experienced this weird shoulder blade “itch”/tension feeling? (possibly autism/AuDHD related?)

This is SO hard to explain properly and I can’t find anything online that describes it the way I experience it.

For context: I have ADHD, have recently realised I’m also likely autistic, and I’m currently taking bupropion (Zyban in Australia / Wellbutrin in the U.S.).

I get this uncomfortable feeling around my shoulder blade/upper back area — almost like a deep muscle itch/tension/knot that I NEED to move or “release.” It’s not exactly pain at first, more like this internal uncomfortable sensation that builds up until I move/stretch/roll my shoulders/crack things/move my muscles in certain ways.

At first I thought it was purely a muscle issue, so I kept trying to massage it out or release a knot. But the second I stop, the internal “itch” feeling just comes back again. It’s like the movement temporarily satisfies something, but never fully.

After 2 entire days a of repeatedly rolling my shoulder back, trying to feel the “right” stretch in weird positions, adjusting my posture constantly, etc., it’s now starting to hurt other parts of my shoulder/neck from overdoing it — but I also feel like I genuinely cannot stop trying to relieve the sensation.

That’s what’s making me wonder if this is actually some kind of stim/sensory seeking behaviour rather than just a muscle problem.

The weirdest part is it feels neurological/sensory as much as physical. Almost compulsive? Like my body keeps searching for the exact right movement to “scratch” something internally.

Oh and if anyone does relate to this HOW TF CAN I FIX IT I AM IN PAINNNNNN GIRL

I am 19 years old, and I've suspected that I've had autism for about 4 years now. I've been looking at more affordable options for diagnosis since I'll be starting college soon, and came across prosper. My parents insurance plan (aetna) has never covered any of my therapy in the past, but it's saying my sessions to get diagnosed will be free. I haven't uploaded a picture of my insurance card yet though. I was wondering if anybody could give any advice, or has been in a similar situation?

Edit: I scheduled my first appointment in early June! After the process is over I will update how it went here in case anybody stumbles across this post looking for a similar answer.

Hey I’ve been struggling a lot to understand and accept a few things abt myself and another loved one close to me.
I want to mention both myself and this person are level 1 and don’t really have as many major issues in this area individually or with each other on a consistent basis, just some flare ups recently.
I’m just struggling with the following and really need some advice if anyone has any:

1. How to deescalate my own autistic rage.
2. How to deescalate a loved one’s autistic rage and not shut down and take it personally.
3. How to remedy feelings of guilt over my own autistic rage.
4. How to trust and accept a loved one’s autistic rage even if hurtful things were said and apologies and changes have been made/how do I stop feeling so much resentment towards my loved one for the things they said and how they acted when in autistic rage.

I wanna make it clear that I’m really just trying to gather information here and insight from others on these topics. I know this post is vague but it’s meant to be because I’m in a good place in terms of getting help, communication with this loved one is much better now and they are also using a lot of great resources as well. Just looking for some advice and general shared experiences to further my knowledge on how to better regulate and communicate😺