r/TraditionalMuslims

My family and I migrated from a war-torn country to Germany some years ago. It took us a while to settle and rebuild our lives.

My brother used to be a very kind and loving person. He loved my mother deeply (we even used to tease him by calling him a “mommy’s boy”). He was also a great brother to me and my sister and would never hurt anyone.

Around August last year he started talking to a woman on an online dating app. At first he had no interest in her because there was a noticeable age difference (she was older). Whenever she messaged him, he mostly ignored her.

I even asked him if he was planning anything with her and he said things like:

“No, why would I do that? I know it can’t happen.”

But a few days later he suddenly said late at night that he was going to pick someone up from the airport. I knew it was her. I told him not to go, but he said:

“I can’t leave her alone in a foreign country. I’ll just help her like a brother and come back.”

After that everything started changing.

He began going out every night and sometimes wouldn’t come home for 2–3 days. Soon he started saying he was going to marry her.

About a month later he told my mom and sister to go meet her. They went, but there was a language barrier and the girl didn’t really try to communicate with them.

That same evening my brother announced that he would do his nikkah in two days. We tried to talk him out of it but he didn’t care. My mom, sister, and I were against it, but my father agreed just to avoid conflict.

The nikkah happened in a stranger’s house with only my father, my brother, and the girl present.

After that we tried to adjust and even moved to a bigger house. Then the girl’s mother started calling us saying her daughter deserved a proper wedding and that a simple nikkah wasn’t enough.

My brother took a high-interest loan to pay for the wedding. I told him it was haram but he didn’t listen. At this point he felt like a completely different person.

During the wedding she invited her male teachers and even hugged them while my brother was standing there.

After she moved into our house, my mother tried many times to communicate with her (even using hand gestures), but the girl would ignore her. My mother had always hoped to treat her daughter-in-law like a daughter.

Arguments started happening frequently. At one point my brother even grabbed a knife and tried to hurt my sister, which shocked us because he used to be someone who wouldn’t even harm a fly.

His wife also told my sister things like:

“I’m ashamed of this family. In my country people think of your country as terrorists. I even told my relatives you’re from somewhere else.”

Both my brother and his wife repeatedly told me and my sister to leave the house and never come back.

Eventually they moved out. Now my mother and I live alone, my sister is married, and my father moved in with my brother.

When my mother was cleaning my brother’s room after he left, she found a blue amulet hidden there.

Since then my mother has been extremely depressed and believes that maybe someone did sihr (black magic) on my brother because his personality changed so drastically.

I’m posting here because I don’t know what to do. If anyone knows someone trustworthy who deals with ruqyah or situations like this in Germany, please comment or DM me.

Any advice would mean a lot to us.

🌷*What to Do Series*🌷

by Asma bint Shameem

❓*QUESTION*❓

*Can I make duaa for my own death?*

🌿*ANSWER*🌿

No it’s not allowed to pray for one’s own death or the death of a loved one *no matter what the hardship or circumstances*;

rather they should be *patient* and *seek reward* with Allaah.

🍃The Prophet ﷺ said:

“No one of you should wish for death because of some harm that has befallen him. 

If he must wish for it, then let him say: ‘O Allaah, keep me alive so long as living is good for me, and cause me to die when death is good for me.”

(al-Bukhaari 6351)

🍃Ibn ‘Umar radhi Allaahu anhu heard a man wishing for death, and he said: 

“Do not wish for death, for you will surely die; rather ask Allaah for well-being.”

🍃Ibraaheem ibn Adham said: 

“Death has a cup and no one can bear it except one who fears Allaah and is obedient to Him, and expecting it. 

Even ‘Umar said at the time of death: 

If I possessed all that exists on earth, I would offer it as a ransom to be spared the terror of the moment of death.”

🔺A long life is a great opportunity for the believer to earn good deeds. 

The longer the life, the more the good deeds he can collect. 

🍃The Prophet ﷺ said:

“The best of people is the one who lives long and does good.” 

(Ahmad and al-Tirmidhi, 110; saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi)

🍃And the Prophet ﷺ said:

“No one of you should wish for death or pray for it before it comes, for when one of you dies, his good deeds come to an end and for the believer a long life will not increase him in anything but good.” 

(Muslim 2682)

🍃Shaykh al-Fawzan explains the above hadeeth:

“Let none of you wish”

this is a prohibition, a prohibition emphasized from the Prophet ﷺ.

Thus wishing is to seek, meaning let none of you seek death (due to harm) meaning due to harm that befalls him; a harm in his body such as sickness and the like, or a harm in his wealth, or in his family.

Thus whoever is afflicted with harm in his wealth, or his *family*, or his *person*, it is upon him to be patient and seek the reward.

And it is not permissible for him to wish for death because his life is better for him.

If he has righteous actions then he can increase (do more good deeds). And if he does not have righteous actions then it is hoped that he will repent, it is hoped that he will repent.

Thus his life is better for him.

This is as it relates to the believer…..

if he is a sinner or an evil doer, his life is better for him because it is hoped that he will repent thus meeting Allaah the Exalted while he has repented.

This is because his belief in Allaah will drive him to repentance.

Thus this hadeeth contains a prohibition from wishing for death, so it is hated, or it is haram, if it is due to harm that has befallen the person.

1️⃣Firstly: This is because this negates patience, wishing for death negates patience.

And the Muslim is requested to be patient upon that which he is tested with.

2️⃣Secondly: It prevents his life which is better for him.

If he performs righteous actions then he can increase and do more and if he does evil then it is hoped that he will repent.

And because he does not know what is after death.

It is possible that what is after death—and with Allaah refuge is taken—will be more severe than the harm he is experiencing.

Thus he does not know what he will encounter.

This is as it relates to the person wishing for death due “worldly affairs”.

As for the person who wishes for death due to the “religion”, he wishes for death in an effort to safeguard his religion;

if it is during the times of trials and tribulations and he fears for his religion then there is no harm in wishing for death.”

🍃Imaam Al-Nawawi said: 

“This hadeeth clearly indicates that it is makrooh to wish for death because of some harm that has befallen one, such as loss or distress caused by an enemy, or other such hardships of this world. 

But if a person fears harm or fitnah with regard to his *religious* commitment, it is not makrooh to wish for death, according to this hadeeth, and several of the salaf did that.”

So unless a person fears for his religion, or wants to die for the sake of Allaah as a shaheed in the battlefield or other valid reasons, it’s not allowed to ask for death. 

Rather he should be *patient* and seek his rewards with Allaah. 

And Allaah knows best

‘Awf ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,

“Verily, before the Hour will be years of deception in which liars are believed and the truthful are belied, the treacherous are trusted and the trustworthy are accused, and during such the disgraceful will comment.” It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, who are the disgraceful?” The Prophet said, “The trivial man speaking about the public affairs.”

Source: Musnad al-Bazzār 2740

Grade: Lahu shawahid (corroborated) according to Al-Albani

How have we become the version of ourselves people respect, while remaining a version of ourselves Allah is not pleased with? A lot of what we call change isn’t really about change; it’s more about being seen changing. We don’t desire to improve ourselves, but rather to be known as someone who has improved.

It’s easier to act differently when people are watching, being able to choose your words carefully, to show restraint, to carry yourself in a way that looks like you have it all put together, but when you’re alone, where does that version of you go? When the same prayer is performed differently depending on who’s around, as when others are present, there’s more stillness, more attention in every movement, but when you’re alone, it becomes something to get over with quickly, so you can get back to whatever it is you were doing before. So, in both situations, who was that prayer really for?

The person you want to be when you think about your ideal version isn’t built in the moments where you’re being seen by others; it’s built in the moments no one will ever know about. It’s easy to say you love Allah, easy to speak about Him, to remind others of His greatness, to feel something when His name is mentioned, but we forget that love is never in what is said, but in what is done. How can someone claim to love Allah so deeply, while neglecting what He loves?

I suppose that idea feels so heavy: to live a life where no one sees your change, yet still continue. For your growth to be silent in the eyes of this dunya, and still be praiseworthy in the eyes of Allah.

Because a day will come where even the good will wish they had done more, and in that moment, the opinions you cared about, none of it will matter, because if it’s people, you will always need them to see you, So maybe that’s what real change looks like; Not becoming someone the world recognizes, but becoming someone Allah does.

22f I have basic skills in writing, designing posts, and creating product mockups. I’m not a pro yet, but I’m actively polishing my work and I'm a fast learner.

i’ve been researching passive income and digital products for over a year now but i’m honestly my own biggest hurdle.I’ve been stuck in the "planning" phase for too long and I’ve realized I really need a partner to stay consistent and actually build something.

i really want to find another girl to lock in with and keep me consistent. the plan is to build an islamic-themed page/audience (for people who feel stuck or are struggling with their deen) and then move into selling digital or physical products (merch, stationery, etc) once we have a community.

i’m great at the doing/designing part, but i’m indecisive af with ideas, i need someone who is good at strategizing and picking the direction so i can focus on creating.

Only looking for online-only/text-based collaboration (no calls) because i belong in a household that's stricter than military and i don't have any basic freedom. If you’re down to learn or build something from scratch, feel free to dm if you're on the same page too. :)

please don’t message if you respond so slow. i’m looking for someone who’s actually ready to start and won’t ghost for 3 days. so if you’re serious and have the time to commit right now go ahead and dm/comment

How difficult will it be to find a wife who will be open to polygamous relationship given clear expectations are set forth from the beginning?