I'm 23 M and my parents have been in a nonmonogamous lifestyle for several years. They've been open about it with my brother and me for a couple years now. I find it has really brought them closer together and benefitted their marriage and also normalized nonmonogamy for us.
If I have an interest in the lifestyle, how do I know it's not just a conditioning and that it's actually intrinsic?
Hi all, my partner (26f) and I (25m) are having trouble finding sex clubs near us within a drivable distance to make a little weekend trip out of. We’ve been to Oasis Aqualounge in Toronto twice, but that’s our only experience. Has anyone been to or had experience with a similar club in this area? Maybe toward the Pittsburgh, Cleveland, or Buffalo directions?
Random thoughts on the way to work, but this will be our first year, not taking our annual trip to Hedo 2. Well to be honest I’ve only gone three times lol but hey, those were a great three times! I really wanted to make it a fourth! I’ll be back next year though 🥳.
Hi everyone,
We’re a couple new to the lifestyle and still figuring things out at our own pace.
We’re planning a trip to Germany in the near future and would love to get to know the scene there a bit better.
We happily admit—we find Germans sexy as fuck, and it’s definitely a bonus that it’s so close to us since we’re based in Sweden.
Curious about how things work, what the vibe is like, and any tips for beginners visiting from abroad.
We’re easygoing, respectful, and more about good chemistry than anything rushed. Happy to chat, hear experiences, or get pointed in the right direction.
I was having a discussion recently about vetting couples and single guys online and the reasons why we might choose to not pursue or pass on a couple’s or single guy’s profile. I thought it would be interesting to here from others. A few questions we thought could give some insights:
Who does most of the vetting of couples online? Husband, Wife, or both?
When reviewing a couple’s profile and choosing to pass on them, how often is that because of man vs the woman? Will you compromise and accept a sub par guy with a hot wife or even cross into “take one for the team” territory?
What are specific metrics you filter out of search results or will decline a man on? Things like height, age, smoking, sexuality, etc?
After filtering above, when deciding against a couple’s or single guys profile because of the man, what are the most common reasons?
What are the most common reasons that you’d say are fixable (eg body composition, wardrobe, bad pictures, etc) vs not fixable (eg height, age, balding, race, genetics, etc)
For those that pursue solo guys, does relationship status matter? Do you prefer single guys over married guys? Do you automatically eliminate married guys even with a hall pass?
Are there any factors that might cause you to compromise on the above?
Just a general discussion. We are new in the lifestyle yet open and fun. Wife likes the art of seduction… words.. games.. flirting. Especially on Reddit it seems that within two lines people are asking for nude pics. Now, we aren’t opposed to playing and definitely prefer to verify.. but there is no banter??? And men on here are the worst.. eager beavers… Are our standards too high for Reddit???
It will be our first time so decided to try where there’s no chance of seeing anyone we know.
So lately I’ve been having the thought of introducing other People to our sex life. I’ve shared this with my husband this sis something he’s done before when we were separated years ago and he was seeing something else. He’s had threesomes and foursomes. I never have. I’m 24 and my husband is 27. We once were thinking about his friend who’s 30 but I no longer find him attractive. He wants me to take the lead but I don’t have friends like that. He’s expressed fantasies like us going to a bar and him watching me flirt with someone etc or sex club. However I’m very shy and I’ve been with my husband for so long I’ve forgotten how to flirt lmaooo I’m just awkward. How do you guys meet people of men how do you know of they’re interested any advice for ssomeon who’s new at this. I’m tired of us always talking about it and not doing it
Hey everyone, curious if anyone else has felt this.
In the past I joined couples a few times, and it always felt natural. It was basically a normal threesome, but I definitely felt more dominant in that role since I was the one coming in and leading the energy.
Now with my girl, we’ve talked a lot about bringing another guy in. I honestly don’t think jealousy is the issue. I like the idea of seeing her desired, enjoying herself, and even sharing/showing her off a bit.
What I’m struggling with more is my role in it. I don’t want to suddenly feel like I’m not the main guy in the situation.
Curious especially from guys who used to join couples and then switched to bringing someone into their own relationship. Did you struggle with that shift too?
Any straight couples ever try a bi/bi soft swap just to kinda... see what it's like?
We are going to take a little trip out of town after school is out, and we will definitely be visiting a club for the first time. Since that's over a month away, we've been talking and fantasizing about it, figuring out what we intend to do, vs. what we'd be open to doing, vs. what we do not want to do. One surprising thing that came out of these conversations is that both of us, who have no same sex experience, would be open to doing a soft swap with a bi/bi couple if we happened to meet one, and it felt reeeeeallly comfortable.
I am just curious if there are straight couples here who have done this. How did it come about? How did it go? Did it change your perspective on same sex contact?
Following up on the party my pharmacist and her husband invited me to.
It was a nice and very international party at a magnificent house in Anaheim Hills witch has a great view of the entire O.C. valley below.
With more than 5 or 6 dozen couples and only a few individuals in attendance, the party was large yet, in the size of the home, felt intimate. Not surpisingly but, unexpectedly, among the attendees, were two couples that I know from my professional circle.
Around 11, my Rx and I walked off from her husband to watch some of the activities and by midnight, we had found a private room. At some point, her husband along with a lady joined us. Eventually, we opened the door for 3 other couples, including one of the couples that I know.
By the end, my Rx and I had such a great time, that she invited herself to join me on a July cruise which I had intended taking solo.
My GF and I are getting into the LS. We have been to sex clubs 6 times so far. Last night was amazing. I am recently divorced and my ex was not interested, although I always was. Out of respect for her, we never went and would only get into fantasy discussions about it.
But the real deal is even better than I imagined. After 6 visits, I now fully understand how the LS adds to a couples connection and excitement. My GF and I have an amazing sex life already, the LS makes it even better. The culture of consent is such a positive element. We have played with another woman, but never a man and this is a fully mutual decision.
Being in the clubs? The energy can be palpable. Being in a room with 6-8 other couples each moaning and slapping and pounding is ridiculously hot.
Last night was the first time I have seen a woman spit roasted. Wow. So hot. As my GF is not comfortable with the thought of a strange male, and we don’t (yet) have any couples as friends in the scene, we both watched this woman get absolutely railed by 2 men while we were facing them and engaging in our own standing doggy style.
We saw many more super hot scenarios last night. The club was writhing with sex.
When we left, we were spent and I was making eye contact with a gorgeous woman as I climaxed in my partners mouth. But by the time we got home, we were so horny that we screwed for 2 more sessions and I talked dirty to her about the fantasy of the one guy involved in the MFM coming over and feeding my GF. We both came so hard, it was indescribable.
This is by far the hottest thing either of us has ever done. The consent culture in a high end sex club means a couple could go and simply observe, never being pressured into anything they don’t want.
Couple of tips? Dress to impress and hydrate. If your relationship is solid, you will freaking love it.
Hello everyone, first time posting here.
I've been in the lifestyle as a bull since 2003 and over the years I've met some great people but life and work have kept me moving around so I haven't been able to really establish myself for the long haul in any community I've lived in, mostly lucking into lifestyle friends and playmates. Compounding that with the place I've been living in the longest, Las Vegas, being a very transient town and Covid back in 2020 causing people to shrink their social bubbles, I have been having an incredibly difficult time trying to find new LS friends.
I come to ask, after that unduly long exposition, What are some good online platforms for meeting people in the lifestyle? I've been on AFF in the past but their free membership is more restrictive than ever and I have an account on FetLife but I've turned it off for the time being as the site as a whole leaves a lot to be desired (especially in its search function).
Where can I look? I'm not discounting in person options entirely but as a single male some clubs have high to extortionate covers and my PTSD from military service can make icebreaker conversation in person challenging on my end (I was in intelligence so the bulk of that trauma is trust related).
After searching for 5 years for a compatible couple , we (f24 m26) have been talking, flirting, and seeing another couple (f28 m31) for the past month. They have quite a bit of experience. This is our very first time swinging. We all vibe very well as friends and we have really good chemistry. We have even discovered some kinks that we share with them. We have become very emotionally attached. The wife of our fwb just got a new position at her job where she is working 70 hours a week conveniently as soon as we started talking to them and seeing them so she has been so dead from work that she can’t be fully present and herself while we are all hanging out. They want to take a break from hookups in general because it’s taking up the little bit of precious time off she does have. I am super super crushed and they want to stay friends and we said we would wait for them.
Stag here. Wifey and I have been “swinging” for a few years. The swinging is in quotes because our experiences are mostly FFM fun and soft swap/same room fucking. A few larger isolated group experiences. But we are diving in, very slow (yes oxymoronic).
But, most of all, we just love going to swinger clubs and parties. Conversing with like minded couples, watching the fun, etc. My wife is the one with agency, as I call it, she is the one who picks our partners or decides who to converse with. Swinging was her idea and I’m here for the ride.
I am white and she is Asian and that for some reason always comes up no matter what swinger environment we are in. It’s honestly starting to push us away from going to parties and clubs because our racial pairing is either a conversation starter, an experience starter, or just something that gets talked about in whatever way.
I admit as a white guy this is very foreign to me. It is my inherent privilege. But it’s also starting to stress my wife out too. So, how can we respectfully navigate this space (especially because we want to amplify and increase the frequency of our experiences) and the race side of it, without letting it continue to push us away? Any general thoughts or discussion is welcomed.
I never thought once going into this that I would experience jealousy of the other people that a couple we are seeing is playing with. It’s completely unexpected. Ive watched my partner with other women and it turns me on, no jealousy, no insecurity. But when a couple I’m talking with discloses or shares on social (we meet people through fetlife) that they are playing with someone else it triggers massive insecurity and FOMO. For one, we are a bit far away from the city where the action is, so we can’t just attend clubs twice a month like some can. And for another, I just feel like I’m missing out or being replaced, or that they will no longer be interested in us. Has anyone else experienced this?
Hey all, first time trying to post something sorry if I do it wrong.
I (27M) and my wife (26F) have recently been wanting to get more into the LS. We’ve had a few threesomes and even a full swap under our belt. (All college stuff). We live in Portland, OR which feels like the capital for people living their lives like this! We’re just struggling on how to get started, how to make friends in the community, and really just where to get this thing going. Any advice would be greatly appreciated and again sorry if this feels like a post that’s been on here 1000 times😂
So my partner and I were actively looking for another couple. We have sorta stopped for the moment due to our last encounter, for context we originally met this couple at a porn theater, and my partner and I were having sex, the other couple came up very respectfully and my lady enjoyed his lady. My partner rode me while they kissed and played with breasts, nothing crazy. We exchanged numbers and that was that. While we were texting a few days later we had great chemistry and vibes. Talks of full swap and everything which we were totally comfortable with. The topic of rules came up and my partner wants a clean test before preforming oral on anyone. Which I understand and respect. My only 2 rules were I dont want another man kissing her on the mouth, and I dont want another man in her raw. We are fairly new to this lifestyle so I genuinely ask, is our rules like weird? Clean test shouldn't be an issue for anyone IMO and if it is red flag. But is my kissing rule unfair? Or not wanting other men inside my woman raw? Im already sharing her i think asking for a condom is like nothing. Idk just curious if this normal lol this is like our 5th couple talking too but the furthest we've gone with anyone
21F, there’s been a lot of great advice here so far about stuff to do once you are in the lifestyle but I’m having a hard time figuring out what I should do first to get started. I’ve been reading posts about clubs and meetups but tbh I’m intimidated going alone to those spaces without knowing anyone. Any advice would be great!
Not sure which reddit to post full story, but just wanted to post our experience in short & takeaways.
- Took quite a lot of time & effort to find a couple. Of people that responded, many scammers, many singles males. And the real couples that respoded, many just disappear after a few messages. Add in the fact that I'm not very comfortable sending face pics, that turned lots of people away. In that aspect, would probably be ideal to visit a swingers club. People can see who they are talking to. Also, I'd assume anyone going there would be at least somewhat serious about swinging.
- We were well rewarded when efforts bore fruit & we finally linked up with a couple. We had a fantastic time together.
- Being that we are beginners, we requested that for our first meet we should commit to same room / parallel play. Took the pressure off. In the end, vibe was good so it evolved to soft swap, then to full swap. But it was a good idea not to commit.
- We would love to do it again, just wish there was an easier way of doing things.