r/SomaliRelationships

Trigger warning: Trauma, SA

My (34 F) entire life I was told to guard my chastity alhamdulillah. When I hit around 25 years of age, my parents started to get stressed because they said I was getting too old to get married. So as the oldest daughter in a Somali household, I jumped right into making my parents happy. At this point I had a really good job and was paying most of the family’s expenses but it still felt like I hadn’t fully achieved what my parents wanted from me. So I went into problem solving mode. I started looking for a spouse through the apps, asking my friends if they knew anyone in their circles and going to Muslim matrimonial events. I would match with people and I would find that the connection wouldn’t last long. With no dating experience or prior knowledge of how to speak to men, I found it really hard to understand how to flirt or to read between the lines. It finally got to the point where I started to believe that maybe there was something wrong with me. So I booked a therapy appointment and the therapist told me that there was nothing wrong with me. It’s just that I hadn’t built the skills needed and I should just go on my first date. At this point, I was 32 years old and felt that she was right.

I was going on a trip to Minnesota soon so I decided to go on my first date then. I matched with a Somali guy on the apps and we spoke for a week. Deen is really important to me. He seemed very down to earth and kind. We ending up meeting and going to a pizza place. I remember being very impressed and proud of myself that I actually went through with it. This was my very first date in my life. On the way home, he offered me a ride (I ubered there). I said sure (more time to talk!). He then stopped the car and assaulted me. I remember being in shock because it was so sudden. He literally jumped me mid conversation. I eventually got out of the car and walked away while he drove beside pleading with me to get back in the car. Alhamdulillah this other car came in front of him and blocked his way in this narrow street and he couldn’t follow me anymore. That was 2 years ago. It definitely affected me. I didn’t go on my next date until a year later. I do feel hopeless sometimes but then I remember that Alhamdulillah Allah truly protected me that night. Allah (swt) is Al Waliy and Ar Razzaq. Rizq includes relationships as well and I have to accept that it’s just not my time yet to meet my spouse.

To all the women who protected their chastity all through their 20s and into their 30s, I wanted to say mashallah I know it’s hard and Allah will reward you for your efforts. But please be careful out there and learn from my experience. If you are the oldest remember that you are your own person first and foremost. I love my parents but the pressure was way too much. And for all the single people reading this may Allah Al Wadud, Al Wahab gift us with a righteous spouse!

Asc all. I’m a guy in my late 20s. I have a masters degree in engineering, and I’ve been working in this field for a number of years now. I am burnt out on engineering and have decided to go back to school to enter the healthcare field. I’m currently in a nursing program, hope to get my bachelors degree and work for a bit as a RN and then return to school again to become a NP. So basically the next 5 years I will not be able to provide for a wife. I have a lot of savings from my years as an engineer but I would rather use that to pay for school so I don’t have to take loans that come with riba

I want to get married, and I don’t want to wait until my mid 30s to do it. But I don’t know if any woman would entertain the thought of it right now if I can’t provide for her

Very excited. I love his family and he loves mine. What are some things to prepare myself.

How did you process a break up it's honestly the worst feeling on earth. I am not familiar with grief, but I will guess this is how grieving feels. Did I mention I don't feel hungry at all 😅 is this normal? I have zero interest in meeting or talking to anyone. I have even stop noticing men, haha let me stop my calacaal here 😂

Let's say you've just gotten engaged, but both of you live with parents.

For the brothers: Would you rather have your own place/apartment before the nikah and have your future wife move in with you? Or would you rather look for a place together after the nikah?

For the sisters: Would you rather your future husband have his place first before proceeding with the nikah? Or would you rather look for a place together after the nikah?

Before yall come at me, I know that sisters are more than capable of having their own place too and have their husbands move in with them. I understand your power 🙏. I'm just speaking from majority of cases.

Hi, I’m F23 and I’m tired of waiting, so I’m putting this out there. I’m looking for something serious that leads to marriage and I’m open to long-distance communication. I’m not in a rush.

You should be liberal because I am and that matters to me.

A little about me:

I’m 5’2” tall, weigh 48 kg, slim and somewhat fun. We can discuss more details in private messages.

I’m writing this because I think people here are good?

Please don’t contact me if you’re not serious. Thank you.

so tell me I am wrong. My problem is growing up no one told me keeping ur feelings inside and not saying at that moment was bad. When I was young I was very quiet doing my own things.

I didn’t realize it until my mom pointed out that it’s bad to keep ur emotions inside and she told me to let out. Growing up if I had beef with one member of my family I would shut down and wouldn’t speak to anyone in my family or say anything because I like to have my own space. Sometime it could be weeks and my family expect it for me to forget, and I can’t. I have ended friendships with this issue.

When it comes to friendships I do say what bothers me but some people don’t take it serious so I let slide and that builds up to multiple stuff until I explode and count those stuff one by one, I know it’s bad but I can’t help it, so I started working to fixing this problem by this year and I had issue with friend of mine I straight up told her the issue I had with her she started telling me that was “disrespectful”.

So what do I do at this point. I am really nice I really respect people their boundaries and I feel like my boundaries get tested especially when it comes to friendships. I end friendships and move on like I never had friendships with that person I leave them alone completely.

I recently watched this movie this week(Canada) and it was amazing. Made me want to get back to seeking marriage asap.

I was getting to know a potential for a few weeks. We had a few phone calls, though it lasted 4+ hours each time, and I genuinely enjoyed the vibe this person brought.

During our last phone call, I asked him how he was feeling so far and if it’s something he’d like to continue pursuing. His answer was that he’s still getting to know me (fair answer!) but he enjoyed our conversations. That was the last conversation we had before he fell off the face of the earth.

Now, I’m used to convos dying or people ghosting, but this one is keeping me puzzled. He never removed me from socials, just stopped replying out of the blue. We don’t live in the same country so I have no idea what happened as it seemed to me the convo we were having was great.

I don’t have an issue with someone changing their mind as marriage is a serious thing. You could get to know someone and realize they’re not for you. However, it’s usually the convo dying and we just remove each other from socials and move on.

Do you guys normally remove the person from social media if the talking stage wasn’t working out? I haven’t reach out to this individual, and I’m a bit conflicted on whether I should because it just felt, at least on my end, the talking stage ended abruptly.

Asc!

This guy added me randomly on insta and asked for my snap. We’ve talked over the phone the first day, but then he never called again. Still snaps me and answers quick. He will complement me here and there, and we used to have good convo even over snap the first days. Now it’s just dry and he takes long time to answer, even open my snaps and don’t reply for hours. Should I just unadd or just be direct? Cuz I don’t wanna play these games.

What do u think.