r/ShitMotherInLawsSay

My mother in law writes horrible comments about me on posts on social media that’s visible to Public. Anyone can see them it if you just do a google search. Example, on reality show posts, she compares women to me saying their short and ugly and how they’re using the husband. Or how they should stay home and keep out of the money part of a marriage. Or how they are using their husbands. And all comments are followed by ‘reminds me of my daughter in law’.
Since years I’ve had a problem with her saying rude and disrespectful things about me to people we know, even my own family. My husband has never stood up for me. He says I’m overreacting. Or what donator want me to?
Is this ok?

My MIL is anti everyone’s partners. She is married and she has a husband. So it’s not that she doesn’t have a spouse.
But Everyone she knows, she ruthlessly criticises their partners… me, my sister in law, our cousins’ wives, her sister’s husband and basically the partner of anyone she knows. She also writes comments against male celebrities’ girlfriends and wives online, on Facebook.
I’ve seen her writing comments online about women and comparing them to her daughters in law and calls us users. We’ve been married to her sons for 15+years!
She talks to relatives behind our backs and has basically painted us as gold diggers and lazy. And the reality is the exact opposite.
I don’t understand why she would make her sons look like victims and being with horrible women.
Mind you, she is jobless since 15 years and is taking money from her sons.
I seriously wish I hadn’t married my husband because of how she is. She’s made my life hell.

Ever since I met my fiancé (me and him are long distance) his mom would constantly find reasons to touch and tickle him to get in my head so I started getting uncomfortable and when I first brought it up he acted like I was ridiculous for being jealous of “his mom” that she was “his mom” and everyone thought I was crazy but then when I told him I didn’t like her spanking him with bottles and tickle all over forcing long tight hugs he told her to stop and she wouldn’t she would try harder and he finally noticed it was weird and him and his dad had to go off on her for her to stop well when my fiancé came to my country for the first time his mom for make him call and text every day and would get mad and guilt trip him when he didn’t want to so he would have to say “I’m here to spend time with my gf” (we weren’t engaged yet) and she would guilt him and say he needs to come back because his dog misses him or he needs to call because of that and he would have to end the call quick so we could enjoy our time but we never could he was worrying to much about his parents feelings and how he would get scolded when he got back :( (yes he lives with them still and shouldn’t that’s a long story on Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another (FDIA) or Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP)) well they started getting crazy upset because they couldn’t control his vacation with me and let me tell you about the rough start that had where he was 20 I was 17 and he already planned it with my parents but we decided to wait for him to give them a heads up the day before we got there so they couldn’t try manipulating or controlling him well when he told them they went off his dad said how he though he was proud of who my fiancé had become and how he doesn’t like how he’s been acting and was crazy stuff and his mom picked up his suitcase through more then half his stuff out and said “you won’t be needing this for only 3 weeks” we he had planned a month in a half to see if he really wanted to move here and spend time with me and she also called his EIA (that’s a long story) saying he was only staying 3 weeks which was a lie and I guess they assumed it would scare my fiancé into not going well anyways back to when he was here they got quiet for about a day in a half which wasn’t like them since they blew up about him and they called saying “surprise we are half way there to come pick (my fiancé up)” and he got in a huge fight saying no it’s not up to them then them saying they would get the police involved then him saying “go ahead they are gonna laugh when they find out you are trying to force a almost 21 one year old in the car” and then guilt tripping him with his dog again and so fast forward me staying at his house with them for 2 weeks (it was last minute since we had troubles with getting him here) well this is where my worries about her being sexually emotionally incest with him came to to proof so anyways we get in the car driving back to his place and his mom isn’t gaslighting him (here comes so of the money exploiting (that’s a whole other long story) my fiancé said “my card went missing and I need a new one” and she said “no you left it with the remember?” And he said “no I didn’t I specifically made sure I brought it and didn’t leave it with yall” and they were going back and forth for like 5 mins and btw I was on the FaceTime and I’m a witness he didn’t leave it with them what so ever it was quite the opposite trying to hide it from them so when he gave me a look of help and that I could inveigh I said “he never left it with you I was on the FaceTime with him when it happened” after that she went quiet and wasn’t trying to gaslight no more because she was busted since I was a witness and we get there and it’s just so awkward the whole time my fiancé tense because they keep making jokes and stuff and we go to a restaurant and I think his dad was trying because he knew my family loved Chinese food I don’t like it the most but I don’t have the heart to tell him so we went to this Asian food place and we sit down and my fiancés dad starts making sex jokes about me and my fiancé in the restaurant which was rude and embarrassing ngl and I look over and my fiancés mom was staring at me with the most demonic jealous look of jealousy and right when I looked at her she back down and looked back down and I guess she was trying to assert dominance with that stare or something which didn’t intimidate me I just looked at her with a look like “what is your problem? I’m confused.” Well anyways most the time I was there she wouldn’t give us privacy and would swing my fiancés bedroom door open as quickly as possible looking around for what I think is clothes like she was trying to see if me and my fiancé were doing anything acting the whole time like we weren’t allowed to be alone or intimate and she would give a look of fiery jealous rage and didn’t even like us holding hands or being cute together and we got called children by his dad for me and my fiancé tickling and laughing at each other having fun enjoying are time being happy together and right after the restaurant she one day decided to walk up between me and my fiancé where I was following right behind him like always and she forced herself behind him and in front of me and gave me a start like to make sure she got a rise out of me and she slapped my fiancé with her bare hand on his ahh and did it a couple times after he said no and stop she would just laugh in his face and it’s to sensitive for me and my fiancé to talk about since his mom has created a enmeshment relationship with him and I needed to vent because it’s a lot and sorry I’m all over I have adhd and this was last minute and I’ll probably think of more sorry if my grammar is completely not there I tried to write this fast lol and I don’t like typing on Reddit next time I’m writing this in notes first haha I wanted to know what other people thought because my fiancé and mom say I’m obsess with his parents and talk to much about them so I thought this was a better way of coping but should I have the right to still be messed up from all this because my fiancé acts like since his mom stops one thing she’s a whole new changed person and I can’t judge her off her past when I still am messed up from it plus so much other long stories on other subjects

Hi everyone, I’m really struggling and would appreciate advice on how to handle this.
I’m in my early 20s and recently had my first baby (now 4 months old). We currently live with my parents, who have been very supportive and respectful of us as parents.
My MIL has been the opposite and repeatedly ignores boundaries I’ve set.
Some examples:
She posted a photo of my baby online within hours of him being born, despite us asking for no posts until we announced it ourselves. This was while I was still recovering from a C-section.
In the first couple of weeks, she constantly criticised how I cared for my baby and gave advice that conflicted with medical guidance (feeding, burping, etc.), and ignored instructions I gave her.
During my baby’s first bath, she tried to take over and told me I was doing it wrong, which was upsetting as it was an important moment for me.
She stopped visiting but then told others I was preventing her from seeing the baby, even though I couldn’t travel after surgery.
When we visit, she wakes the baby, tries to take him from me, and ignores me when I say no.
She expects us to stay overnight weekly, which I’m not comfortable with, and disrupts his sleep routine when we do.
She has suggested unsafe things (like using a pillow in his cot) and argued when I said no.
She frequently asks to have him overnight, but I don’t feel comfortable with this.
She recently referred to herself as “mummy” to my baby, which didn’t sit right with me.
The main issue is my partner’s response. When I raise concerns, he tends to minimise them, saying she’s just excited or that I’m overreacting, and doesn’t reinforce boundaries.
I’m starting to feel anxious about seeing her and unsupported as a parent.
I’d really appreciate advice on:
How to set and enforce boundaries when my partner isn’t backing me up
Whether it’s reasonable to limit visits or refuse overnight stays
How to address repeated overstepping in a calm but firm way
I want to handle this constructively, but I’m finding it increasingly difficult.

 Throwaway, obviously.                                                                                                 

I'm 29. Married 3 years, love marriage. We're both in tech — he was a Senior Manager at a product company, I'm a UX lead. Combined we made around ₹52 LPA. Decent Bangalore money. We bought a 2BHK in 2024 on EMI. ₹68,000 a month. We thought we had time to figure out the rest.

In February his company did a "restructuring." 14% of headcount. He was on the list. Four months severance, then nothing. He's applied to 90+ roles. He's had 4 final-round rejections. The market is brutal — every recruiter says "we're flooded with senior PMs right now."

  Three things happened that week:

  1. His mother flew in from Indore "to support us."
  2. Gold crossed ₹1,83,000 per 10g.                                                                             3. The 5th came and the EMI auto-debit hit.

  She's been here three months now. And before anyone calls her a movie villain — she's not. She made me chai every day when I had Covid in 2021. She's a kind woman. But something has shifted, and I don't have the language for it, and I can't tell anyone in my real life, which is why I'm typing this at 1:47 AM into a website I've never posted on.                                                                                        
 Every single morning at breakfast, in the exact same gentle tone, she asks me: "Beta, kab good news suna rahe ho?"                                                        

The first time I laughed it off. The second time I said "Mummyji, we're focused on his job search right now." The third time I said nothing. Yesterday she cooked a beautiful dinner, sat across from me, and said: "I told my sister you're putting career first. She said girls these days are too selfish."
 
I put my fork down. I said "Mummyji, your son lost his job. We have a ₹68,000 EMI. Why would we have a baby right now?"                                                   

She started crying.                                                                                                         
He came out of the bedroom. She said "Beta, your wife thinks I'm interfering. Maybe I should go back." He looked at me. He didn't defend me. He didn't defend her. He just looked tired. He's been looking tired for three months.

I went into the bathroom and cried for 15 minutes with the shower running so they wouldn't hear.                                                                          

Here is what I cannot say out loud:                                                                             

I am the only person in this house earning a salary. I am paying the EMI on the flat his mother is living in. I am paying for the groceries she is cooking. I am paying for the petrol in the car she takes to the temple. And I am also the one being asked when I'm having a baby. I am also the one being called selfish.

And the part I am most ashamed of: I have started to resent him. The man I chose. Because he won't say one sentence to defend me. Because he thinks his mother is "just being a mother." Because he thinks my income is the family's emergency fund and her behavior is background noise I should learn to tolerate.

I cannot afford therapy right now — ₹3,000 a session, when I am tracking every rupee. I cannot tell my parents — Papa has BP issues, Mama will lose sleep. I cannot tell my friends — half of them are in some version of this and the other half will say "leave him," which is not what I want.

Last week I downloaded one of those Hinglish AI apps. Felt stupid doing it. But at 2 AM I typed all of this into it, and it asked me one question back: "Aap ye sab apne husband se keh chuki hain, ya sirf socha hai?" I haven't said any of this to him. I've only thought it.

 I don't know what I'm asking for. Advice. Solidarity. Permission to feel what I'm feeling. If there's a woman reading this who's earning more than her husband, with her MIL in the house, and a husband who has gone quiet — please tell me how you're surviving. Because I have a 9 AM call in seven hours and I am barely held together with tape.                    

I’m gonna be honest, my future mother in law is typically great. But ever since my fiancé and I of 10 years got engaged, things changed a bit.
We were originally going to have a beautiful 100 person wedding in my home state at the beach. My mom was going to help, but we thought his side would help too since it was getting to be expensive (and since they’re way better off financially than my mom). Unfortunately, my FMIL doubled down and said they strictly go by tradition where the wife’s family must pay for everything, including the honeymoon, and the husband’s family only pays for the rehearsal dinner. I told her we’re probably not going to do a rehearsal dinner and she goes “well I guess we’re not paying for anything then.”
A couple months go by, and we pitched a much smaller wedding of 15 people at the coast in the state we currently live in. I didn’t want to go into debt for a wedding and didn’t want to put my family in that situation either. But when I heard my FMIL convince me to have it at the beach town deliberately next to the family beach house for them and the grandparents to stay at so they don’t have to pay anything, I got aggravated. Even moreso when she pitched her sister and BIL (and their two nieces) to come too, cuz they also have a beach condo nearby. They are also well off but they weren’t originally on this much smaller guest list. My family, again who’s not super well off, would have to pay more to fly and also have to rent a car.
Because of all of this frustration, my fiancé and I were extremely close to eloping.
But my mother came up with a great idea that would actually slightly inconvenience everyone.
We went back to my home state, talking it over with my fiancé, and agreed to book a beautiful beach house for 11 people. We kept my FMIL out of the loop until everything was confirmed so she couldn’t talk her way out of paying nothing. But when I told her about it yesterday, she claimed we were intentionally leaving her side of the family out (we’re not; it’s a nearly equal party on both sides). She complained about driving to this same state twice in a year (she could always fly but doesn’t want to). I also offered to invite 2 additional family members on her side with nearby accommodations yet she was being rather dismissive and difficult, ie not wanting to sleep in the same room as others, not wanting an air mattress… it goes on. My mom even offered to sleep somewhere else to accommodate them. But hard pass, I want my mother there. She paid for everything, I’m paying for a good chunk too. The rest of my family knows they’re no longer invited due to this financial situation, yet are still incredibly helpful with planning everything else out. This is nowhere close to the traditional wedding she internally dreamed of, but how could we in this economy? We’d rather put the money towards something more meaningful instead of a 5 hour celebration anyways.
Has anyone else ever been in this situation?