FMIL is just… a lot.
I’m gonna be honest, my future mother in law is typically great. But ever since my fiancé and I of 10 years got engaged, things changed a bit.
We were originally going to have a beautiful 100 person wedding in my home state at the beach. My mom was going to help, but we thought his side would help too since it was getting to be expensive (and since they’re way better off financially than my mom). Unfortunately, my FMIL doubled down and said they strictly go by tradition where the wife’s family must pay for everything, including the honeymoon, and the husband’s family only pays for the rehearsal dinner. I told her we’re probably not going to do a rehearsal dinner and she goes “well I guess we’re not paying for anything then.”
A couple months go by, and we pitched a much smaller wedding of 15 people at the coast in the state we currently live in. I didn’t want to go into debt for a wedding and didn’t want to put my family in that situation either. But when I heard my FMIL convince me to have it at the beach town deliberately next to the family beach house for them and the grandparents to stay at so they don’t have to pay anything, I got aggravated. Even moreso when she pitched her sister and BIL (and their two nieces) to come too, cuz they also have a beach condo nearby. They are also well off but they weren’t originally on this much smaller guest list. My family, again who’s not super well off, would have to pay more to fly and also have to rent a car.
Because of all of this frustration, my fiancé and I were extremely close to eloping.
But my mother came up with a great idea that would actually slightly inconvenience everyone.
We went back to my home state, talking it over with my fiancé, and agreed to book a beautiful beach house for 11 people. We kept my FMIL out of the loop until everything was confirmed so she couldn’t talk her way out of paying nothing. But when I told her about it yesterday, she claimed we were intentionally leaving her side of the family out (we’re not; it’s a nearly equal party on both sides). She complained about driving to this same state twice in a year (she could always fly but doesn’t want to). I also offered to invite 2 additional family members on her side with nearby accommodations yet she was being rather dismissive and difficult, ie not wanting to sleep in the same room as others, not wanting an air mattress… it goes on. My mom even offered to sleep somewhere else to accommodate them. But hard pass, I want my mother there. She paid for everything, I’m paying for a good chunk too. The rest of my family knows they’re no longer invited due to this financial situation, yet are still incredibly helpful with planning everything else out. This is nowhere close to the traditional wedding she internally dreamed of, but how could we in this economy? We’d rather put the money towards something more meaningful instead of a 5 hour celebration anyways.
Has anyone else ever been in this situation?