r/SSAChristian

This is something that I have been keeping for so long and recently I feel a lot more strongly about this, the idea of me not being straight. It is one of the things that I'm confused about myself, and a side of me that I am trying to deny and kept buried beneath me because I know that homosexuality is a sin and I can't be like that. Being the Youth Leader of the church does not help either I always feel like I need this feeling in me to be removed. The hardest part of this all is I am also imprisoned by the sin of masturbation, and the material that I am looking at whenever I do the deed are muscular men, it's even worse that I enjoy it but still feel the weight of what I did right after. I try to give and surrender this addiction to God but whenever I try to voice it out to God my mouth hesitates, I feel like there's something stuck in my throat whenever I do. I don't know what compelled me to post about something like this online and on this subreddit, I can't even talk about this with my friends and even my churchmates because i'm scared of what they'll say or think of me. I don't want to talk about this to my friends who are members of the LGBTQ community either because I feel like they'll encourage it more. Has anyone struggled with something like this in the subreddit, and if you did what has helped you conquer this feeling, I don't want to be homosexual, I always rebuke myself whenever I feel arousal towards muscular man or but I end up letting sin and temptation win over me.

"The scientific consensus is that these things are nearly always hard-wired into us, impossible to change and primarily occur before we’re even born."

How should the scientific consensus be confronted?

i 25m started feeling sexual attraction toward males around age 12 and i hated it

it always felt wrong and uncomfortable but the feelings were strong and grew stronger as i grew up i never claimed an identity in it but i would just give into it

finally for the past few years that attraction to men has been diminishing more and more and now it’s finally to where i basically have no desire or attraction to pursue a man in that way and i don’t feel any sexual pleasure from looking at either sex and even from touching my own body

but for some reason im still struggling and i don’t know why

ive been praying to God about this i’ve been reading my bible so im knowledgeable to a degree about this kind of battle

i use to ask God all the time to take away the sexual attraction from me because i feel like it’s going to ruin my life and im ok with being single and celibate

and now that it has happened i should be able to fully surrender to God and TRULY REPENT and stop turning back to testing my body out or whatever it is i’m doing

i don’t know if it’s my mind i know anything sexual outside a marriage between husband and wife is sin i know that

i genuinely don’t feel pleasure from touching myself anymore

so why am i still trying myself it’s like im so ungrateful to God i DON’T EXPERIENCE sexual pleasure at all

some people are aroused so much and i don’t gotta deal with that anymore it should be easier for me

what is wrong with me

prolly because it wasn’t just about the sexual pleasure but also familiarity and also the fact i used it as a stress reliever as well and distraction from overwhelming life

you know what i am a new creation in Christ and this isn’t how my story ends i am set free from this sin in Jesus name i am repenting this is an ongoing process this is not the end all Glory to God thank you Jesus i am free

For context: Nobody at my church knows I’m SSA except my pastor.

A young lady at church took interest in me and asked me on a date. Even some of the older ladies at church encouraged us to pursue each other, saying we’d be a good fit. I convinced myself that my heart was interested cos she’s objectively beautiful, kind, confident, has unique interests and is very knowledgeable about them. Whenever we met up at church, I always enjoyed her company and it felt effortless to chat with her about anything.

But once we went on a proper date (we went to a street festival), I caught myself offguard cos the dynamic changed. Now there’s an anticipation to make our usual conversations more romantic, which I just had no feeling in doing…. Like there was a complete mental wall and I couldn’t see past it.

She’d invite me to hug/hold her, and take pictures together. And I really just felt nothing romantic the entire time. My brain kept seeing her only as a friend or sister. (She still enjoyed the date, and we had good food and conversations, and I bought her some gifts.)

Even though I’ve dreamt of being a husband and father, I’m just accepting now that it’s simply not the life God’s planned for me. Idk just needed a space to share my thoughts. Thanks for reading.

Several months ago, I made a post called I've got "the friend I've always wanted", and it's been healing and eye opening. Since it's been a number of months, I thought I might give a little update.

Things have continued to surprise me (in a good way). Joe has officially been my good friend for an entire year now. For some reason, in my head, I KNEW it would be real if he actually stuck around for a year. And he has. And things have continued to change in me as well.

The biggest thing is that, inside of me now, things are "settled". I don't have the urge to try and spend as much time with Joe as I possibly can. I still enjoy my time with him, but if we don't communicate at all for a week, it's totally OK. And I can tell myself that I'm not as "needy" as I was before. Everything deep within me is fully convinced that Joe isn't going anywhere. I think it's what is generally referred to as "secure attachment". And even the juvenile longings that I had (cuddling next to him or hugging his leg like a small child would want to do) have dissipated.

My counselor equated everything to me having been starving to death for so long. When I finally found connection (food), I wanted to eat as much of it as I possibly could. But now, I'm full, so I'm not ravenously trying to gorge myself as much as possible.

Even just this week, I was supposed to see Joe at a meeting on Thursday, but the meeting got cancelled at the last minute. Instead of being really disappointed that I wouldn't get to see Joe (as would have happened in the past), it's a complete non issue. I'll get to see him on Sunday. And even if he won't be at church on Sunday, that's still OK. Even when I don't get to see him, he's not going anywhere.

One thing that really shocked me happened about a month ago. Joe and I went to lunch after church, and Joe ended up telling me about a new personal project he was excited about. At lunch, he ended up inviting me over to his apartment to show me what he'd been up to. I ended up staying over there the entire afternoon. While he was showing me his project, I needed to use the bathroom. There was actually a bathroom right next to where we were, but when I asked, Joe offered to let me use the master bathroom. I ended up taking him up on that offer because I don't like other people nearby if I have to do #2, which I did. So I went in to his bathroom, did my business, and returned. But the surprising thing is that all I did was use the bathroom and then return. Several months ago, I still wanted to know absolutely everything I possibly could about Joe. Getting to look around his bathroom and examine every minute detail would have been like winning a jackpot. But at the same time, it would be a challenge to control myself and NOT open every drawer and cabinet in there. But that day, not only did I not have to fight the urge to be nosy, the thought never even crossed my mind that I could do that.

And now, I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that Joe is my best friend and I am one of Joe's best friends. We don't spend every minute together that we possibly could... and that's OK because neither of us would want to. I don't believe the friendship is unhealthy in any way. And our interactions are mutual; sometimes I'm initiating things and sometimes he is. And I'm not trying to spend as much time with Joe as possible... in fact, we were at a church event together last weekend, and of all of my interactions with other men, only 10% of that was with Joe.

The one thing I will add about our friendship, where Joe isn't "the friend I've always wanted" is the fact that we're not together as much as possible. We're not doing everything together that we possibly could. We're not "attached at the hip". And after seeing what my friendship with Joe can be like, I don't need a friend like that, and I don't think it would be healthy.

I started experiencing SSA when I was 12/13. Im 35m and I have had a huge battle with shame regarding my sexuality. Before SSA came into my life I was super outgoing, happy, ton of friends , A/B student but when I started having feelings for other guys I become very reserved, depressed and my grades tanked. I was filled with so much shame and self hatred because I truly didn’t want to be gay/bi. I remember laying in bed one night and telling God “Either take this away from me or make it so I don’t wake up“. Even after truly starting to follow Christ 12 years ago and marrying a woman, the SSA hasn't gone away. To this day I still fight that same shame and self-hatred.

Has anyone found a way to eliminate the any shame they have experienced regarding SSA?

I’m turning 35 this year. I’m five years away from turning 40, and I’ve been contemplating for a while whether to consult my doctor about potential libido-reducing medications. I’m simply exhausted with this situation. I know that I will never date anyone, male nor especially female. I understand that celibacy is what’s right for me in my heart, but I just want the physical desire to be eliminated. I’m not and never will consider castration.

I was even considering this before I returned to Christ, and for purely secular reasons as well.

I’m feeling sad lately . But I also want to be straight. I would feel much better if I were straight . Please pray for me people