I can’t go on..
I just can’t function. Lost everything to this.
For 6 year now. 6 wasted fucking years of frequent multifocal PVCs, PACs, interpolated ones, daily small SVTs, bigeminy and now more than likely NSVT.
I live in constant fear, constantly on guard. I have got dysautonomia, IBS and become mostly bedbound due to this. Which just makes it all the more worse. 2 years ago, I thought I had battled the fears, and felt alive for 1 year (2024) as I turned 30. They went from an average 2-8% burden to less than 1% on average. My stomach started getting better too. But then last year I started getting what I’m certain is NSVT. Cause it feels nothing like my other stuff. It feels like intense and fast PVCs in a row, with no pause. Only 5 felt ones last year, but this year I’ve felt 7 already; 3 of them in the same weak, and some of them last 10 seconds, and two came back to back - the latest went lile like PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-pause-PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-pause-flutter run (8 beat SVT)-pause-normal.. I used to only get the 3-5 beat ones. My longest counted was 15 beats, but may have been longer as I didn’t feel on my pulse instantly and the beats are fast/tumbling. I’ve also started getting more couplets and triplets. Often after my period, where my stomach is also messed up (very vagal reactive). My fascia is so stiff and glued together from constantly being tense and inactive, that it feels like it’s pulling my organs. It has completely knocked me down. I live in constant fear now after the NSVT runs started too, and don’t feel joy at all. On guard in anything I do. Not leaving the house. Scared of every single skip now, Just waiting for the next run, restricting what I eat, how I move and what I do; as they always came when I wasn’t on guard and made a wrong move, or felt a little hot, or ate a little too much, or massaged a wrong spot on my stomach.
I’ve tried therapy, but it isn’t working. Cardiologists don’t care as I have normal echo, and my NSVT runs never get recorded. Tried various doctors for help, reached out for 6 years. I don’t see any future or freedom again, it’s just battling through every day. And what for? More of the same, and the closer I get to menopause (despite only being 32 currently), the worse it will probably get. I have nothing. All my dreams lost. It’s not even the frequency anymore, the singular burden got lower, it’s the lost trust in my heart.
Severely depressed and very dark thoughts some days. These arrythmias makes me feel bipolar.
I would take SSRI, if it wasn’t for SSRI’s triggering all this heart hell to begin with.
I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I was such a happy and healthy person, full of dreams and potential. Now I’m.. this. Wasted life and stuck with no way out it seems. Only in my dreams. At least I sleep well. That’s the best time of the day.